Thanks Lyne for today's One Day at a Time reading. Early sobriety was difficult for me with my ex because he was very moody. I was still a newcomer to Al-Anon and personalized his attitude. I wish I had understood more about alcoholism and new sobriety back then. Today, I realize I had these expectations for a newly sober husband and they were unreasonable. I didn't know what I didn't know back then. I didn't know that it takes times to shed the physical effects of substance and for the mind to settle down from obsessive thoughts of using and the anxiety of feeling feelings that were once numbed. Had I known, I hope I would have been more compassionate and patient, offered loving support rather than expressing disappointment.

Even after years in Al-Anon, when I got involved with my recovering A partner, I had a hard time adjusting to what it was like to be with a recovering alcoholic as opposed to my ex who experienced only short term sobriety. Trust was not automatic with my new partner and I found myself needing to unlearn old behaviors I had adopted when responding to someone still using. Early in our relationship, my partner reminded me more than once, "I'm not your ex, I'm me!" Because I had not experienced sobriety with my ex, I needed to unlearn being hyper focused, and overly vigilant. It was as if I was waiting for the other shoe to drop with my recovering alcoholic partner. This didn't allow for much fun and getting to know the real him. One of the benefits of being a recovering couple can be communicating clearer and more honest because sanity and sobriety rely on it. We chose to risk to trust until given a reason not to. We work to help one another to continue to feel safe to share. We don't work it perfectly but the willingness to listen and hear one another is there as is forgiveness and moving on rather that holding onto resentments. Admittedly, resentments are counterproductive to my sanity and serenity and he feels stinking thinking can impede his sobriety. A nice thing that I've noticed is that there is a common bond and natural understanding between us from each of us working our respective 12 program. We can at times use program language as a sort of shorthand to communicate our feelings and be immediately understood by other. Of course that's come with time and experience with one another. It no longer feels like one day at a time or that there is an elephant in the middle of the room between us. Just living life here :)