The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's writer asked their Higher POwer to remove unwanted feelings during work on the 7th Step 'Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings,'. That didn't happen, as feelings aren't shortcomings!
Alanon principles helped them learn to acknowledge, accept and let them go when needed. "I have very little power over what feelings arise, but what I choose to do about them is my responsibility."
Reminder: Working the Seventh Step, I can ask for removal of whatever interferes with my HP's will, and be willing.
"We didn't necessarily get the results we wanted, but somehow we always seemed to get what we needed." ...In All Our Affairs
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Such a good page, it really highlights the spirit and power of Alanon. Controlling the things we can, not losing our minds over things we can't.
Feelings are powerful and rooted in deep functions of our experience, psyche, and state. I see them as signals, indicators on my dashboard, ignored at my peril.
Feeling them does not mean, however, that they must be obeyed or indulged, but must be acknowledged lest they emerge in unexpected or unmanaged behavior at an inopportune time.
This is my area of focus in my relationship: acknowledging, sharing at times, but then constructively handling it regardless of how my partner chooses to address them...Step One stuff, so I don't end up in Step 7 stuff, lol
Grateful for the wisdom and reminders
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul for your service and share. "You can't always get what you want" is a statement I used to hate to hear, boldly in a song I recall very well. When growing up in a dysfunctional family, I didn't know how to handle all the things I didn't want. This program has given me so many tools that allow me to cope better and hold onto peace and serenity: Live and let live, Let go and let God, Pause, Think, How important is it, etc. Since my behavior is affected by my feelings, it becomes important to feel the feelings and process them quickly to avoid unwanted behavior of my own. Grateful member.
Thanks Paul for your service and to you and Lyne for your es&h on this topic. The nice thing that I've found with time in recovery is that everyone has shortcomings. Shortcoming are not limited to those affected by alcoholism. When I was a newcomer, it was easy to adopt the notion that who I am, my own behaviors been the key contributors to an progressing alcoholic situation. And why not that notion? I was being blamed for it. Back then I bought into that and those feelings of over responsibility I sought to fix many things about myself. Gratefully, today by way many spiritual awakening, I believe it's only a loving higher power that has the power to shape and define who I am. I'm imperfect and my hp likes me that way. I keep them busy, am drawn closer to them through surrendering my shortcomings, asking for help particularly if my shortcoming is one that hurts others. I pray for progress. I know that shortcomings in balance can actually be assets. I pray for that balance and let go and let God. Simply, it's progress not perfection - acceptance self as lovable. Perfection is definitely a defect that's been lifted and I feel tremendous gratitude and freedom to be rid of it. Grateful to be free from preoccupation with self. It's much more pleasurable to live fully - happy, joyous and free from the burden of worry about what others think of me. Are they really preoccupied with me?? Of course not. :)
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
