Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

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Post Info TOPIC: 8/8/23 ODAT - Advice we ‘Must Not’ Give

~*Service Worker*~

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8/8/23 ODAT - Advice we ‘Must Not’ Give

Great guidance in today's page reminding Alanoners of the type of advice we should give: spiritual advice pointing back to program concepts and slogans. Great care should be shown not to suggest others take 'drastic' action in areas of relationships or other serious life matters, even saying "we do not - and must not - do" this.

There are still many ways to help, including sharing our own experience, strength and hope, and the benefits of our favorite program thoughts or references, etc. 

Reminder - When troubled, I can accept advice from program friends that points back to the program wisdom. 

"Using the slogans and the Twelve Steps will strengthen me to make wise decisions." - Unattributed
After a lifetime of overstepping boundaries and telling others what I thought they should do, this guidance in Alanon was a new concept to me but very helpful in teaching me to respect the boundaries of others, and recognize my own limitations.

I have no right, and certainly not the wisdom, to tell others what they 'should' do. That is between them and their higher power. This Alanon principle helps me stay consistent with Step 1 in acknowledging my powerlessness over others, and need to focus on managing my own life with the help of my higher power.

Grateful for the reminders and wisdom  




"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 

Senior Member

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Thanks Paul for today's reading and your es&h. I've found that the wonderful thing about Al-anon is that the program 's steps, slogans and particularly traditions work well for life situations beyond living with alcoholism and it's effects. I can't know the inner workings of another person. Al-anon helps with daily peeling of the onion day by day to experience personal growth and more serenity. The program is open ended. There is no rule book for working it. Even Al-anon workbooks allow me to interpret and apply the same principles of the program as they apply to my ever changing life, progress and lapses. The process of working recovery through mutual sharing rather than imposing my will (no expert here on life) has brought about spiritual awakenings concerning my own life and thinking. Keep An Open Mind and Listen and Learn are valuable slogans for me. They are great reminders to surrender my will to a loving higher power to suit up and show up daily - to be fully present in my own life. A loving hp reveals to me where I am needed and how. No need to project my own thinking concerning, people, places, things. Instead my aim is to Keep It Simple, listen for the message, my hp's will for me and choose an action that honors higher power will by practicing courtesy toward others, not placing myself between them and their own loving higher power but instead simply offering loving support rather than imposing my will. Thy Will Not My Will Be Done.


Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.

~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2672

Thanks Paul for your service and all above ESH. The person I badgered the most is my A. I never saw it and thought I knew what help should be gotten. Through years in this program, I am now able to Live and let live, Let go and let God, focus on myself, think, pause, and pray. Whew, what a relief!



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