The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Todays reading is a look at resentments and the role they can play in our lives. The page opens with a quotation from Courage to Change: Resentments mark the places where I see myself as a victim. The writer describes how resentments drained so much energy and created bitterness in his/her life. The writer began to work on the steps and started to question the presence of resentments: what do I get out of feeling like a victim. The writer began to realize that in a sense the resentments acted as a defense mechanism- keeping people away that the writer felt had hurt him/her. The writer also acknowledged that there was comfort in the feeing of resentment, it was familiar. Once the writer saw this he/she felt open to change and worked on healthier ways to speak up when feeling hurt.
For me, harboring resentments is not only unhealthy, but another indirect way to deal with things (or not deal with things). If I feel unable to pinpoint something specific that is bothering me, its much easier to submit to feeling resentful. Its a negative energy that feeds on itself. This reminds me of a time that my sponsor pointed out that there are times that our character defects are useful to us (without other tools, sarcasm and resentful feelings are means of protection) but as we get stronger and healthier they are no longer needed (speaking plainly and directly, understanding what we are able to change and what we cannot change is a clearer path).
the Thought for the Day offers: Do I have a character defect I use to protect myself? Do I need it anymore?
Thank you for the reading and your share Mary. Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die is what stands out to me in this reading. I've heard the statement many times when this topic is chosen at face to face meetings and when meeting members share. For me personally, feelings of resentment are linked with feelings of disappointment from my unmet expectations. Ego driven, it cloaks my projection of a desired outcome from another person and results in a mix of anger and disappointment along with convincing myself that feelings of victimization are justified and have everything to do with the other person rather than self imposed.
Alcoholism is said to be a spiritual, emotional and physical illness. I've learned with time and experience in Al-anon that a dis-ease of attitude, my stinking thinking can result in hopelessness, obsession and feeling physically unwell. The program gives me tools that shed light on the dark road of resentment. As a newcomer it came as almost a revelation that I had free will. There were recovery actions I could take - conscious actions to empower me and lift me from feelings of being acted upon. Sharing with a sponsor and my higher power to process those feelings, reading my literature, listening and learning when others shared at my meetings. These were all good things that eased the burden and helped me to feel less unique concerning how I was feeling inside. All of these things still work for me today. I'm grateful for the teachings of the program that remind me daily that I do indeed have free will, a voice, a choice and a loving hp that is always available for a check in. I pray for help in processing my feelings of resentment and guidance and courage if nudged by my hp to take an action. I am trying to stay in a place of humility by accepting that my own reflection is flawed. It's seen through a cracked mirror. I don't have all the answers nor a right to expect others to response in ways that would make me happiest. It's a daily exercise to choose to act with maturity, accept and take responsibility for myself and my own choices. I recognize that I too can make both poor and life affirming choices, disappoint, hurt and anger others and be resented for it. This kind of reflection is helping to right size my feelings. It rids me of deception, isolation and imbalance. These often accompany my feelings of resentment and impede my ability to live fully to keep progressing in my recovery. I'm grateful for awareness and our Al-anon tools.
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Sunday 23rd of July 2023 08:07:19 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
