The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The writer finds that their preoccupation with what others do, where and why create turmoil inside them. Such thoughts lead them to consider "a new, honest self-appraisal." The reading goes on to state that the writer's first obligation is to "work out changes in my own thinking patterns." Their goal is to make changes and see the fruits of progress in their Al-anon recovery and ultimately their life circumstances.
I can change nothing but myself, the reading states. The writer considers whether things are possibly going wrong because of how they are reacting to them. Additionally, they realize that the primary source of their unhappiness is them and that only they can do something about it. Although not easy, the writer believes the rewards are "beyond reckoning."
The quote for the day is:
"My happiness cannot possibly depend on my forcing changes in somebody else. Nor does my misery come from anyone but myself."
I found this reading to be especially powerful today as I have been obsessing about what someone else is thinking of me since I made the choice to no longer be friends. It's been crickets and I suppose to be honest that has come as a surprise to me. It was such a long friendship and I guess I thought I would receive a note of apology for the shabby treatment, neglect etc. and an expressed desire, request to remain friends. I feel hurt that it has not happened. I began a note but tore it up and threw it in the garbage. I have deleted two emails since rather than hitting send. I realize that I cannot extract from this person what I would like by pointing out how and why specifically they have hurt me. I have done this in the past and here we are again. I guess I just don't like sitting with these feelings, the finality of it, letting go. So for now I guess I'm just going have to keep wading through the muck until I come out the other side of these feelings. I know greater serenity will be the reward from choosing to disengage from what was increasingly becoming an imbalanced and unhealthy relationship. I will maybe need to make more of an effort to do some things that make me happy right now and take extra good care of myself.
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you TT for your service and honest share. I have been in those shoes many times. What alanon has taught me is to pause, think, pray, and I can figure out what I want to do. My spouse has just started AA. I find I want to say so many things about what to work on, getting a sponsor, etc. It's none of my business. It's going to work out or it's not. I cannot control anyone else' s recovery. I need to pay great attention to my own. :)
