Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Jen10 · Jen10

Hello Everyone, As stated, I am new to al-anon and I went to the end of an online meeting yesterday. So, I didn't get the full effect of the meetings. I would like to know more about this group and the 12 steps and what we are suppose to do. I am not an addict but my boyfriend is a recovering addict and al-anon I...

QOD · QOD

Things had been going so well for me. My relationship with my ex had been going so smooth. I was in denial though. I knew deep down that he still had plans of us getting back together....and that all got thrown on the table last night. A guy friend of mine invited me and the kids over for his superbowl coo...

Jean4444 · Jean4444

Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. --Carlos Castaneda

maresie · maresie

I live in a house with people who are pretty enmeshed and codependent with each other. Now two of the most dysfunctional people are leaving and I find one of my housemates still totally obsessed. I know she is up to her eyes in stuff that she is not dealing with. i think one of the reasons I find it very unc...

Jena · Jena

Hello I'm new to this site and I'm not sure how it works but I need some advise. I'm an adult child. It started with my father and I have very little contact with him currently and this has been the case for a very long time. Not my choice. I would love to have a father. I'm 42 years old and my entire life I have be...

debilyn · debilyn

I cannot get ahold of Kim65. Am very very concerned. Have emailed and called for two months now. We were emailing about every day. I leave messages.She has many animals to care for.Plus lives way up in the boonies. Her A is not a safe man. I don't believe I ever got her address.Am about to do a major search...

Rigby · Rigby

Okay, this is my first time on this site because this past month has been my first run in with an alcoholic. My father in law, Frank, moved in with us at the beginning of September. The reason we invited him to live with us is because he was suffering from falls, he told us his knees were bad, and we could te...

blb · blb

This is my first time visiting the site. I'm the brother of an alcoholic who has been struggling for the past 8 years (since age 16). Without telling his life story, there have been very troubling times. When he drinks, he gets violent, sees no point in living, etc. It's literally been a rollercoaster t...

Codependent · Codependent

Many people posted a while back for me to stop being so hard on myself, but it seems that I keep doing and saying things that make me feel guilty.. Isn't that guilty earned when one continues to repeatedly do things they know are "wrong" or that are going to make them feel bad about themselves...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Hey! I am so grateful and humbled by this site! I can see so much growth--even in myself! I have a better life than I have ever had before! So, on I go and help others find what I have found in Al-anon for 22 years! Finally, I am getting it! And, it is all because of people like you in Al-anon. My marriage has su...

glad · glad

Again, new to the program so please bear with me. Is there a "program" way of dealing with the way my AH (and his whole family) use abandonment/ leaving as a tool. Quick examples: If I push my AH for emotional closeness he either leaves or starts acting like he will-bags by the door, in truck et...

flgirl925 · flgirl925

My husband has been sober for 4 years until today. We have a 2 year old son and he was home with him for 5 hours today while I worked out of town. I got a call on my way home from my husband who was crying and obviously very drunk. Issue number one is drinking around our son, issue two is his drinking. My react...

omajoy · omajoy

On Friday nights I start getting anxious. By early Saturday morning I am a wreck. I sit waiting for interactions from son or EXDIL. Today I tried to get ahead of the game. I called to set up a Sunday with grandbaby. She said fine. I am now taking the child to his dad's apartment rather than waiting for hi...

barisax · barisax

.... about our A, about our life, about our job, about our situation, about ourselves? I am great at being sarcastic. It can be funny, but I think it's deep down a form of denial. I see sarcasm to some degree in most of what I say. Especially when I talk about alcoholic behavior. It's a putdown of cours...

Loupiness · Loupiness

accidentally posted a pm here. Can't figure out how to delete completely. Oops, live and learn, huh? Lou -- Edited by Loupiness at 21:20, 2008-02-03

debilyn · debilyn

Hi, this is sort of a vent. Over the years here I have gotten many pm's about this subject. When one has a sponsor, or sponsors from our MIP family, this is a common problem. The sponsor all of a sudden stops corresponding to the person they sponsor. Many times with no explanation. Sometimes just staying...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Do I really want to live with someone who doesn't talk and says they have nothing to say but then goes to a friends house gets on the booze and flaps his mouth off until he's off his face?? NO I DON'T!!! I have had two weeks of silent treatment for no reason, I am sick of this and alcoholic behavours for 13 ye...

Karilynn · Karilynn

((((((((Family)))))))), Just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY! I'm hoping Pauxatawney Piper sees her shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. Yes, I'm one of those wierdos who loves the winter. It's been a pretty mild one and I haven't been able to go out snowshoeing o...

glad · glad

I have come to realize I need a life outside of trying to "fix" the one I have so at 41 living near a big city (Dallas) I need some good clean suggestions of ways to have fun and meet people, mostly women since I am in a committed relationship but just have no social life of my own. Like most here my...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

My A got out of jail about 2 weeks ago and went into a recovery house. Now he's in an apartment with a guy he is working for. He has a job, a home and says he is going to meetings, etc. My agenda was to file for divorce while he was in jail so I can have it go cheaply and smoothly without a custody/visitation fig...

round3 · round3

It's been nearly two months since my A cut off our (long distance) relationship to get his head in the program. At about the same time, I broke off ties with my (long distance) father (and he with me)....... but that's another story. In these past two months, I've spent a lot of time in introspection an...

lin0606 · lin0606

Does anybody have a copy of the "Three views of alanon" pamphlet handy? I'm looking for the bit in "Letter from the alcoholic" that talks about love not being able to exist without justice. Just need to those few sentences.

Codependent · Codependent

I know in my case my A seems to think I am inferior to him because I still care about him so much when he illustrates so clearly how little he is able to care for me. I've read other posts where this is talked about. Do you think this is true just for A's or do you think all people see others who unconditionall...

Alicia · Alicia

Would you be willing to share your experiences with a recovering alcoholic and distrust? To say I am feeling cautious, might be understating my feelings. I'm not sure he is ready to hear the full truth of my feelings. Now that he has chosen to turn back to his HP for assistance and turn back to our marr...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...in the chaos and ashes of despair a Pheonix has risen, and this in itself has caused me to stop and celebrate a new day, a new dawn, and a new understanding of ME as I am TODAY. Whilst sitting in my study preparing for my time of daily contemplation and prayer, I wrote three words down on my note pad: Insan...

david62 · david62

(((((Family))))) This Sunday was to have been the day for our next monthly business meeting in the chat room. However! This also happens to be Superbowl Sunday..!! I will be unavailable to chair the business meeting because of this and so I am rescheduling the Feb Business meeting for the following...

Antigua · Antigua

This is my first time visiting this forum. I have been concerned about my husband's drinking for quite some time now. My husband and I have had many discussions about his drinking and he promises me that he doesn't have a problem. However, this afternoon I found an empy bottle of vodka in his closet a...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Thank you to everyone who set me on my feet again and supported me through my fear. ((((((((((((xxxxxxxxxxxxxx)))))))))))) I have been looking for something to say that would absolutely express the gratitude I have felt and the love that has been wrapped around me and the prayers that have been offe...

bcanuck · bcanuck

Hi all, I've been away for too long, funny how you get so busy living your life and caring for others you forget about yourself. I have a question with regard to detatchment. I have become so "detatched" that I feel I have closed myself off not only to my A hubby, but to the rest of my family and fr...

glad · glad

I am so new to even trying to figure lots of things out. When I read about how some people had detached from their spouse I really thought it was wrong. Till death do us part, love unconditionally etc. Well I almost lost my mind this week. I have really bad migraines... like almost deadly feeling. Doctor...

ddub · ddub

I am not sure but I am more angry with myself for not being able to move on and do anything. I fight so hard against feeling crazy and sometimes it almost feels easier to just ride the slide into the darkness. I don't have much fight left in me anymore and a lot of my problem is me probably. Everything about...

kissers · kissers

My ex A begged for me to take him back. I told him I thought he had a drinking problem and he disagreed. I knew he would, but that is really not the point. It wasn't so much the drinking that bothered me. It was the name calling, put downs, expecting me to do all the work, blaming me, ignoring me. I have friends...

glad · glad

For me I don't battle the "partying". I battle emotional distance during drinking and when he's not, more when he is. When I try to talk to him he sometimes makes jokes about women vs. men and emotional connection but it's so much more than the normal issues like that. How much of my wants are...

tma0413 · tma0413

I am struggling today....AH had made a new years resolution to slow down on his drinking (his choice)...OK...so that was a month ago and Yeah, he has slowed way down...but there has still been the nights (at least 1-2 a week) where he is annoyingly drunk. Not fall down drunk, but enough to annoy me (usu...

donnarock · donnarock

hello all. i am relatively new here and i haven't really posted much. i am married to a recoverd A for seven years. we are in the process of getting a divorce. still living together, still doing some things together and still care for each other. the issue is him. he has been sober for 19 years. but h...

Codependent · Codependent

I think I have mentioned before that I have used with my A. I never had before prior to our relationship. However, I have also used some periodically without him- alot of my feelings involving my guilt with using I believe is also associated with my anxiety over using with him. Anyway, when we had our...

maresie · maresie

One reason I find myself so stressed out is that I can now see fully in technicolor how easiy I fall into the role of victim super martyr. I found myself wanting to go into work early and rescue everyone and be "liked" because I feel like a fish out of water being assertive and focused on my job se...

cookie1971 · cookie1971

Dear Family, I feel that my job may be in jeopardy. This is scaring me to death. I work in a chain drug store as a pharmacist. Each store has 2 pharmacists. My former partner was promoted, and has now become my supervisor. When she was my partner, we had some disagreements and she ended up being transferr...

serendipity · serendipity

What is the oppisite of being compassionate? I believe I am being Un-compassionate as a coping mechanism. I feel like I am trying to stay frozen all the time so that I don't have to feel the pain or anymore pain than I have already felt. I feel like I am turning into a loveless person. I don't want to be this...

Diva · Diva

I see it stated time and time again..."What others think of me is none of my business." I don't have to care what others think of me, but it IS my business, and here's why: If I don't know what others think, don't listen to what others think, and otherwise consider it "none of my business,...

justonemore · justonemore

Hello, I am new here. I am not sure what I am even doing. I know my drinking habits are far from normal and I feel they have gotten much worse in the past few months. I went from going out occassionally after I had my daughter, to going out every weekend, sometimes more than once. We don't even have the money f...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...however before I say anything further, I want to thank all of you who responded to me, one way or another, on my last post. I have appreciated every word that you have communicated to me. I have spent hours reading and rereading and contemplating each word, the hard facts, the questions, the truth...

maresie · maresie

Just a big big big thank you for all your prayers and well wishes. I went to bed last night at 8:00 p.m. I slept straight through till 4:00 a.m. I felt rested and the stress attack was over. I am back on track with a phone interview this afternoon. I have a in person interview tomorrow. I am just going to k...

Jen · Jen

An Al-Anon friend of mine just got a coin for 22 years in this program today. She is so excited. Her sponsor sent it to her in the mail because our tiny small town groups don't even have coins yet. She has shown and amazing amount of growth esp in the last year in spite of odds stacked against her. She is an ins...

Codependent · Codependent

So, don't read this if you won't to be inspired because unfortunately I seem to have back slid and may still be in the slide. I called the A for my birthday and took him out. We went to dinner and to hotel with hot tub. Spent a fortune. We talked about a lot of things and I "fell" in again- saw hi...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

...feel I HAVE taken one step forward and ended up ten steps backward. ...feeling that the last four months have been a too much too fast. ...thinking that I no longer know what I believe. ...hoping that I have been able to give something back for the love and concern and support that I have received. ......

Jean4444 · Jean4444

I just got news that my 18 year old niece is getting married in August. UGH, I feel flabbergasted!! She is really young and immature and has barely one year of community college past high school. She just found out she did not get into the nursing program at the community college she is attending becau...

twain91 · twain91

I have been struggling for so long and I still am not sure this is the place for me. My husband is an alcoholic that is true. His father was one, his brothers are alcoholics and so on. His drinking has slowly corroded our marriage. The reason why I don't know if this is the place for me is that there is so mu...

maresie · maresie

For a number of reasons, my health, my income, my home, my lack of support, my job, my commute, my health my stress level is now completely off the charts. I would ask for prayers from you all. I am so absolutely totally wiped out. Maresie

maresie · maresie

As you all know I live in a place where I am constantly intruded up on by other people who live in the house. Last night this one person knocked on my door twice to ask me some stupid question about the laundry. I have put notes on my door to say do not knock and she rips them off. This other person who is a tota...

optimistundone · optimistundone

I am working really hard on keeping my emotions level - not falling to putty when AH is husband of the week and not blowing smoke out of my ears when he pulls the latest stunt. Detachment has been essential. For someone, like my AH, who is used to being the focus of attention, this is killing him. He's an...

maresie · maresie

So I heard today my last day at this present job is February 13th. But guess what I may have another job lined up as soon as this week. I just put it out there that I needed work and I may be able to go over to another department which is actually a lot nicer than the one I am in. I don't know I will get the same pa...

silverbrumby · silverbrumby

Hi roommates. I read the messageboards with fear in my heart for the future, and sadness for those suffering like me all because we love someone who drinks? I feel Like a dumb animal looking down the barrell of a gun. I can't get the guts to leave him, don't know if I want to or should, if I'm just in a bad mood...

carolinagirl · carolinagirl

The A has moved into a halfway house. I wish he would go back to jail so I can file for divorce without having to pay extra or fight about custody/visitation. Then I feel guilty for wishing ill things on him just to benefit myself. He has been ringing my phone off the hook the past few days despite the res...

ddub · ddub

Detachment is an effective tool to step back from the chaos and decide what is the best action for ourselves. It disables manipulation from A spouses/A children over time and makes the partners even more aware sometimes of the manipulation that has happened in the past and present. Alanoners st...

serendipity · serendipity

I wonder about this at times. I have felt that sometimes maybe I am too positive, too upbeat, seeing the glass WAY too full. Mostly because I was raised by the most negative woman on the planet. So, my optimism, my idea that there really is a silver lining was always laughed at and put down and I was made to f...

QOD · QOD

I have not posted in a long time. I have been checking on those I am familiar with but not felt compelled to post about me in some time. Well, I thought it was about time to post something upbeat!!! I am smiling more and more these days. And laughing too. Oh how good it feels to have something to smile abou...

Heartbroken · Heartbroken

Sick of being sick. I spend days coming here, reading and feeling and praying, and trying to support and give encouragement for I know how hard it is to keep putting one step in front of the other when life is hard; and then I come to the point of being utterly drained and tettering on the edge of a cliff of un...

Deb57 · Deb57

I came here to this chat room and exposed my "true self". Risky, but upon doing so, I opened a (new door) to the future. I came here seeking serenity, seeking a feeling of "I belong".."I do matter".. and in the few days I have been coming to this room to share, I find the re...

Rocky38 · Rocky38

Dear AH, It's been almost 5 years since this horrible disease took you from me and our son. I miss you terribly. I used to think that we would be together forever and grow old together in happiness. Now I wonder when you will die. It sounds so extreme to even type such a thing, but it is real. You've accumula...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	New to Al-anon (Preview) Hello Everyone, As stated, I am new to al-anon and I went to the end of an online meeting yesterday. So, I didn't get the full effect of the meetings. I would like to know more about this group and the 12 steps and what we are suppose to do. I am not an addict but my boyfriend is a recovering addict and al-anon I...	Jen10	6	694	Feb 5, 2008 by Jerry F
	My drama begins again!!! (Preview) Things had been going so well for me. My relationship with my ex had been going so smooth. I was in denial though. I knew deep down that he still had plans of us getting back together....and that all got thrown on the table last night. A guy friend of mine invited me and the kids over for his superbowl coo...	QOD	7	640	Feb 5, 2008 by Loupiness
	I love this quote! (Preview) Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone. --Carlos Castaneda	Jean4444	1	529	Feb 5, 2008 by Jerry F
	Focusing on another person as a way not to deal with yourself. (Preview) I live in a house with people who are pretty enmeshed and codependent with each other. Now two of the most dysfunctional people are leaving and I find one of my housemates still totally obsessed. I know she is up to her eyes in stuff that she is not dealing with. i think one of the reasons I find it very unc...	maresie	3	624	Feb 4, 2008 by maresie
	How to break the cycle? (Preview) Hello I'm new to this site and I'm not sure how it works but I need some advise. I'm an adult child. It started with my father and I have very little contact with him currently and this has been the case for a very long time. Not my choice. I would love to have a father. I'm 42 years old and my entire life I have be...	Jena	6	901	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Please send a prayer or a thought or two (Preview) I cannot get ahold of Kim65. Am very very concerned. Have emailed and called for two months now. We were emailing about every day. I leave messages.She has many animals to care for.Plus lives way up in the boonies. Her A is not a safe man. I don't believe I ever got her address.Am about to do a major search...	debilyn	7	793	Feb 4, 2008 by maresie
	Advice Very Much Needed (Preview) Okay, this is my first time on this site because this past month has been my first run in with an alcoholic. My father in law, Frank, moved in with us at the beginning of September. The reason we invited him to live with us is because he was suffering from falls, he told us his knees were bad, and we could te...	Rigby	10	743	Feb 4, 2008 by Rigby
	here we go... (Preview) This is my first time visiting the site. I'm the brother of an alcoholic who has been struggling for the past 8 years (since age 16). Without telling his life story, there have been very troubling times. When he drinks, he gets violent, sees no point in living, etc. It's literally been a rollercoaster t...	blb	12	817	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	Forgiving Ourselves (Preview) Many people posted a while back for me to stop being so hard on myself, but it seems that I keep doing and saying things that make me feel guilty.. Isn't that guilty earned when one continues to repeatedly do things they know are "wrong" or that are going to make them feel bad about themselves...	Codependent	5	688	Feb 4, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	What a life! (Preview) Hey! I am so grateful and humbled by this site! I can see so much growth--even in myself! I have a better life than I have ever had before! So, on I go and help others find what I have found in Al-anon for 22 years! Finally, I am getting it! And, it is all because of people like you in Al-anon. My marriage has su...	Hoot Nanny	7	819	Feb 4, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	Abandonment as a tool? (Preview) Again, new to the program so please bear with me. Is there a "program" way of dealing with the way my AH (and his whole family) use abandonment/ leaving as a tool. Quick examples: If I push my AH for emotional closeness he either leaves or starts acting like he will-bags by the door, in truck et...	glad	6	685	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	how to discuss this (boundaries.. child involved) (Preview) My husband has been sober for 4 years until today. We have a 2 year old son and he was home with him for 5 hours today while I worked out of town. I got a call on my way home from my husband who was crying and obviously very drunk. Issue number one is drinking around our son, issue two is his drinking. My react...	flgirl925	4	639	Feb 4, 2008 by Tuggboat
	the dreaded weekend (Preview) On Friday nights I start getting anxious. By early Saturday morning I am a wreck. I sit waiting for interactions from son or EXDIL. Today I tried to get ahead of the game. I called to set up a Sunday with grandbaby. She said fine. I am now taking the child to his dad's apartment rather than waiting for hi...	omajoy	10	694	Feb 4, 2008 by carolinagirl
	What Would We Say If We Couldn't Be Sarcastic? (Preview) .... about our A, about our life, about our job, about our situation, about ourselves? I am great at being sarcastic. It can be funny, but I think it's deep down a form of denial. I see sarcasm to some degree in most of what I say. Especially when I talk about alcoholic behavior. It's a putdown of cours...	barisax	8	874	Feb 4, 2008 by carolinagirl
	oops! (Preview) accidentally posted a pm here. Can't figure out how to delete completely. Oops, live and learn, huh? Lou -- Edited by Loupiness at 21:20, 2008-02-03	Loupiness	3	612	Feb 4, 2008 by Loupiness
	Uncomfortable experiences (Preview) Hi, this is sort of a vent. Over the years here I have gotten many pm's about this subject. When one has a sponsor, or sponsors from our MIP family, this is a common problem. The sponsor all of a sudden stops corresponding to the person they sponsor. Many times with no explanation. Sometimes just staying...	debilyn	1	713	Feb 4, 2008 by Jerry F
	The sound of silence (Preview) Do I really want to live with someone who doesn't talk and says they have nothing to say but then goes to a friends house gets on the booze and flaps his mouth off until he's off his face?? NO I DON'T!!! I have had two weeks of silent treatment for no reason, I am sick of this and alcoholic behavours for 13 ye...	silverbrumby	3	1286	Feb 3, 2008 by Jean4444
	Happy Groundhog's Day! (Preview) ((((((((Family)))))))), Just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY! I'm hoping Pauxatawney Piper sees her shadow and we have 6 more weeks of winter. Yes, I'm one of those wierdos who loves the winter. It's been a pretty mild one and I haven't been able to go out snowshoeing o...	Karilynn	5	618	Feb 3, 2008 by Jerry F
	Suggestions for fun? (Preview) I have come to realize I need a life outside of trying to "fix" the one I have so at 41 living near a big city (Dallas) I need some good clean suggestions of ways to have fun and meet people, mostly women since I am in a committed relationship but just have no social life of my own. Like most here my...	glad	11	571	Feb 2, 2008 by Diva
	Feeling frustrated irritated and confused! (Preview) My A got out of jail about 2 weeks ago and went into a recovery house. Now he's in an apartment with a guy he is working for. He has a job, a home and says he is going to meetings, etc. My agenda was to file for divorce while he was in jail so I can have it go cheaply and smoothly without a custody/visitation fig...	carolinagirl	14	793	Feb 2, 2008 by Jen
	Laughter and fun (Preview) It's been nearly two months since my A cut off our (long distance) relationship to get his head in the program. At about the same time, I broke off ties with my (long distance) father (and he with me)....... but that's another story. In these past two months, I've spent a lot of time in introspection an...	round3	9	643	Feb 2, 2008 by round3
	Three views of alanon (Preview) Does anybody have a copy of the "Three views of alanon" pamphlet handy? I'm looking for the bit in "Letter from the alcoholic" that talks about love not being able to exist without justice. Just need to those few sentences.	lin0606	9	6658	Feb 2, 2008 by lin0606
	Inferiority (Preview) I know in my case my A seems to think I am inferior to him because I still care about him so much when he illustrates so clearly how little he is able to care for me. I've read other posts where this is talked about. Do you think this is true just for A's or do you think all people see others who unconditionall...	Codependent	5	582	Feb 2, 2008 by lin0606
	Please share...recovering alcoholic and distrust (Preview) Would you be willing to share your experiences with a recovering alcoholic and distrust? To say I am feeling cautious, might be understating my feelings. I'm not sure he is ready to hear the full truth of my feelings. Now that he has chosen to turn back to his HP for assistance and turn back to our marr...	Alicia	5	1512	Feb 2, 2008 by debilyn
	Insanity versus Irrationality (Preview) ...in the chaos and ashes of despair a Pheonix has risen, and this in itself has caused me to stop and celebrate a new day, a new dawn, and a new understanding of ME as I am TODAY. Whilst sitting in my study preparing for my time of daily contemplation and prayer, I wrote three words down on my note pad: Insan...	Heartbroken	1	453	Feb 2, 2008 by debilyn
	February Business Meeting (Preview) (((((Family))))) This Sunday was to have been the day for our next monthly business meeting in the chat room. However! This also happens to be Superbowl Sunday..!! I will be unavailable to chair the business meeting because of this and so I am rescheduling the Feb Business meeting for the following...	david62	1	417	Feb 2, 2008 by Karilynn
	New and Confused (Preview) This is my first time visiting this forum. I have been concerned about my husband's drinking for quite some time now. My husband and I have had many discussions about his drinking and he promises me that he doesn't have a problem. However, this afternoon I found an empy bottle of vodka in his closet a...	Antigua	6	704	Feb 1, 2008 by nmike
	A HUGE BIG THANK YOU... (Preview) Thank you to everyone who set me on my feet again and supported me through my fear. ((((((((((((xxxxxxxxxxxxxx)))))))))))) I have been looking for something to say that would absolutely express the gratitude I have felt and the love that has been wrapped around me and the prayers that have been offe...	Heartbroken	2	388	Feb 1, 2008 by Tenderheartsks
	"too" detatched (Preview) Hi all, I've been away for too long, funny how you get so busy living your life and caring for others you forget about yourself. I have a question with regard to detatchment. I have become so "detatched" that I feel I have closed myself off not only to my A hubby, but to the rest of my family and fr...	bcanuck	4	544	Feb 1, 2008 by debilyn
	Detachment (Preview) I am so new to even trying to figure lots of things out. When I read about how some people had detached from their spouse I really thought it was wrong. Till death do us part, love unconditionally etc. Well I almost lost my mind this week. I have really bad migraines... like almost deadly feeling. Doctor...	glad	5	549	Feb 1, 2008 by cookie1971
	irritated (Preview) I am not sure but I am more angry with myself for not being able to move on and do anything. I fight so hard against feeling crazy and sometimes it almost feels easier to just ride the slide into the darkness. I don't have much fight left in me anymore and a lot of my problem is me probably. Everything about...	ddub	6	752	Feb 1, 2008 by Jean4444
	Letting Go (Preview) My ex A begged for me to take him back. I told him I thought he had a drinking problem and he disagreed. I knew he would, but that is really not the point. It wasn't so much the drinking that bothered me. It was the name calling, put downs, expecting me to do all the work, blaming me, ignoring me. I have friends...	kissers	4	416	Feb 1, 2008 by Maria123
	What is it like for you? (Preview) For me I don't battle the "partying". I battle emotional distance during drinking and when he's not, more when he is. When I try to talk to him he sometimes makes jokes about women vs. men and emotional connection but it's so much more than the normal issues like that. How much of my wants are...	glad	5	592	Feb 1, 2008 by maresie
	Does he not love his family?? (Preview) I am struggling today....AH had made a new years resolution to slow down on his drinking (his choice)...OK...so that was a month ago and Yeah, he has slowed way down...but there has still been the nights (at least 1-2 a week) where he is annoyingly drunk. Not fall down drunk, but enough to annoy me (usu...	tma0413	10	814	Feb 1, 2008 by Pugluver
	Does the recovered A always know best?.... (Preview) hello all. i am relatively new here and i haven't really posted much. i am married to a recoverd A for seven years. we are in the process of getting a divorce. still living together, still doing some things together and still care for each other. the issue is him. he has been sober for 19 years. but h...	donnarock	7	720	Feb 1, 2008 by Karilynn
	This may be a question for NA... (Preview) I think I have mentioned before that I have used with my A. I never had before prior to our relationship. However, I have also used some periodically without him- alot of my feelings involving my guilt with using I believe is also associated with my anxiety over using with him. Anyway, when we had our...	Codependent	7	724	Feb 1, 2008 by Jerry F
	victim super martyr (Preview) One reason I find myself so stressed out is that I can now see fully in technicolor how easiy I fall into the role of victim super martyr. I found myself wanting to go into work early and rescue everyone and be "liked" because I feel like a fish out of water being assertive and focused on my job se...	maresie	5	701	Feb 1, 2008 by Jerry F
	I AM IN SHOCK (Preview) Dear Family, I feel that my job may be in jeopardy. This is scaring me to death. I work in a chain drug store as a pharmacist. Each store has 2 pharmacists. My former partner was promoted, and has now become my supervisor. When she was my partner, we had some disagreements and she ended up being transferr...	cookie1971	10	831	Feb 1, 2008 by Jerry F
	compassion (Preview) What is the oppisite of being compassionate? I believe I am being Un-compassionate as a coping mechanism. I feel like I am trying to stay frozen all the time so that I don't have to feel the pain or anymore pain than I have already felt. I feel like I am turning into a loveless person. I don't want to be this...	serendipity	4	727	Jan 31, 2008 by Jerry F
	What others think of me is none of my business....Oh really???? (Preview) I see it stated time and time again..."What others think of me is none of my business." I don't have to care what others think of me, but it IS my business, and here's why: If I don't know what others think, don't listen to what others think, and otherwise consider it "none of my business,...	Diva	20	4944	Jan 31, 2008 by norwood
	new here (Preview) Hello, I am new here. I am not sure what I am even doing. I know my drinking habits are far from normal and I feel they have gotten much worse in the past few months. I went from going out occassionally after I had my daughter, to going out every weekend, sometimes more than once. We don't even have the money f...	justonemore	5	465	Jan 31, 2008 by abbyal
	The last 24 hours...would welcome your feedback... (Preview) ...however before I say anything further, I want to thank all of you who responded to me, one way or another, on my last post. I have appreciated every word that you have communicated to me. I have spent hours reading and rereading and contemplating each word, the hard facts, the questions, the truth...	Heartbroken	12	714	Jan 31, 2008 by round3
	more on stress overload (Preview) Just a big big big thank you for all your prayers and well wishes. I went to bed last night at 8:00 p.m. I slept straight through till 4:00 a.m. I felt rested and the stress attack was over. I am back on track with a phone interview this afternoon. I have a in person interview tomorrow. I am just going to k...	maresie	2	451	Jan 31, 2008 by maresie
	22 years (Preview) An Al-Anon friend of mine just got a coin for 22 years in this program today. She is so excited. Her sponsor sent it to her in the mail because our tiny small town groups don't even have coins yet. She has shown and amazing amount of growth esp in the last year in spite of odds stacked against her. She is an ins...	Jen	6	601	Jan 31, 2008 by Hoot Nanny
	Confession-Hoping you all won't be disappointed in me (Preview) So, don't read this if you won't to be inspired because unfortunately I seem to have back slid and may still be in the slide. I called the A for my birthday and took him out. We went to dinner and to hotel with hot tub. Spent a fortune. We talked about a lot of things and I "fell" in again- saw hi...	Codependent	18	810	Jan 31, 2008 by Codependent
	Logged in tonight to quit (Preview) ...feel I HAVE taken one step forward and ended up ten steps backward. ...feeling that the last four months have been a too much too fast. ...thinking that I no longer know what I believe. ...hoping that I have been able to give something back for the love and concern and support that I have received. ......	Heartbroken	16	844	Jan 31, 2008 by Heartbroken
	Help me to SHUT UP! MY (Preview) I just got news that my 18 year old niece is getting married in August. UGH, I feel flabbergasted!! She is really young and immature and has barely one year of community college past high school. She just found out she did not get into the nursing program at the community college she is attending becau...	Jean4444	12	868	Jan 30, 2008 by nmike
	place for me? (Preview) I have been struggling for so long and I still am not sure this is the place for me. My husband is an alcoholic that is true. His father was one, his brothers are alcoholics and so on. His drinking has slowly corroded our marriage. The reason why I don't know if this is the place for me is that there is so mu...	twain91	3	641	Jan 30, 2008 by lin0606
	stressed to the max (Preview) For a number of reasons, my health, my income, my home, my lack of support, my job, my commute, my health my stress level is now completely off the charts. I would ask for prayers from you all. I am so absolutely totally wiped out. Maresie	maresie	2	385	Jan 30, 2008 by maresie
	Health issues (Preview) As you all know I live in a place where I am constantly intruded up on by other people who live in the house. Last night this one person knocked on my door twice to ask me some stupid question about the laundry. I have put notes on my door to say do not knock and she rips them off. This other person who is a tota...	maresie	4	605	Jan 30, 2008 by maresie
	Is it possible to communicate while detached? (Preview) I am working really hard on keeping my emotions level - not falling to putty when AH is husband of the week and not blowing smoke out of my ears when he pulls the latest stunt. Detachment has been essential. For someone, like my AH, who is used to being the focus of attention, this is killing him. He's an...	optimistundone	7	559	Jan 29, 2008 by lin0606
	HP working in my life ! (Preview) So I heard today my last day at this present job is February 13th. But guess what I may have another job lined up as soon as this week. I just put it out there that I needed work and I may be able to go over to another department which is actually a lot nicer than the one I am in. I don't know I will get the same pa...	maresie	8	759	Jan 29, 2008 by maresie
	prisoner (Preview) Hi roommates. I read the messageboards with fear in my heart for the future, and sadness for those suffering like me all because we love someone who drinks? I feel Like a dumb animal looking down the barrell of a gun. I can't get the guts to leave him, don't know if I want to or should, if I'm just in a bad mood...	silverbrumby	5	651	Jan 29, 2008 by tma0413
	Update (Preview) The A has moved into a halfway house. I wish he would go back to jail so I can file for divorce without having to pay extra or fight about custody/visitation. Then I feel guilty for wishing ill things on him just to benefit myself. He has been ringing my phone off the hook the past few days despite the res...	carolinagirl	3	614	Jan 29, 2008 by serendipity
	detachment and manipulation (Preview) Detachment is an effective tool to step back from the chaos and decide what is the best action for ourselves. It disables manipulation from A spouses/A children over time and makes the partners even more aware sometimes of the manipulation that has happened in the past and present. Alanoners st...	ddub	5	2448	Jan 29, 2008 by barisax
	The Pollyanna effect (Preview) I wonder about this at times. I have felt that sometimes maybe I am too positive, too upbeat, seeing the glass WAY too full. Mostly because I was raised by the most negative woman on the planet. So, my optimism, my idea that there really is a silver lining was always laughed at and put down and I was made to f...	serendipity	4	637	Jan 29, 2008 by tiredtonite
	Smiling more and more (Preview) I have not posted in a long time. I have been checking on those I am familiar with but not felt compelled to post about me in some time. Well, I thought it was about time to post something upbeat!!! I am smiling more and more these days. And laughing too. Oh how good it feels to have something to smile abou...	QOD	2	542	Jan 29, 2008 by carolinagirl
	AAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH (Preview) Sick of being sick. I spend days coming here, reading and feeling and praying, and trying to support and give encouragement for I know how hard it is to keep putting one step in front of the other when life is hard; and then I come to the point of being utterly drained and tettering on the edge of a cliff of un...	Heartbroken	9	820	Jan 29, 2008 by fairee
	True Self (Preview) I came here to this chat room and exposed my "true self". Risky, but upon doing so, I opened a (new door) to the future. I came here seeking serenity, seeking a feeling of "I belong".."I do matter".. and in the few days I have been coming to this room to share, I find the re...	Deb57	5	525	Jan 29, 2008 by Peggy7
	A Letter to My AH (and my HP) (Preview) Dear AH, It's been almost 5 years since this horrible disease took you from me and our son. I miss you terribly. I used to think that we would be together forever and grow old together in happiness. Now I wonder when you will die. It sounds so extreme to even type such a thing, but it is real. You've accumula...	Rocky38	2	756	Jan 29, 2008 by Jerry F
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.