The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Things had been going so well for me. My relationship with my ex had been going so smooth. I was in denial though. I knew deep down that he still had plans of us getting back together....and that all got thrown on the table last night.
A guy friend of mine invited me and the kids over for his superbowl cookout. Not wanting to sit at home, I jumped on the opportunity. WELL, while we were out, my ex called my house and got no answer. So then he started ringing my cell off the hook. He left me a voice mail saying he wanted to talk to his kids. I am thinking, He had all DAY to talk to his kids. So as soon as we got home, I had my son call him. He asked him where we had been and my son told him. Well that set my ex off!!!! Wondering why I had never watched the Superbowl w/him and crap like that. Well mainly b/c he has never watched it at home...always gone somewhere else and I was never invited. Then he started in on the bit about how I must have been screwing this guy for the last year. How he is coming over tomorrow (now today) to pick up all his stuff, including EVERYTHING he has bought for me like the laptop computer, digital camera, kitchen pantry, bathroom cabinets, my wedding rings - EVERYTHING he deems worthy of selling for money. He also said that I owe him $15,000 - his 1/2 of the profit from the sale of our house a year ago. A profit that was not that big to begin with AND would have been bigger had I not had to pay off loans and debt he incurred smoking his crack and shooting up for the last however many years. I just said fine-whatever. Come get whatever you want, take it, whatever.
I can replace any material item he takes. It will take me a long time and suck that he takes it....but it can be done. I pray though that he will have cooled down by today and cool further down over the next couple of weeks. I know that this all stems from the fact that he thinks I am having sex w/this other guy and THAT is the reason I don't want to get back together w/him. His brain is warped. I fell ZERO physical attraction towards him any more. I haven't in a long time. I love him but not like a wife should love a husband. More like you would love an old dear friend that had been lost for a long time. Make sense? Weird.
And so, as of right now, it appears that my uncontested divorce has just become contested. He told me I could take him to court for child support now. Whatever. What he doesn't realize is, I won't do that. He doesn't know me as well as he claims to know me if he thinks I would do that. I would rather not have anything to do with him at all than go through all that. Will he fight me for custody of the kids??? Don't know. He wouldn't get it. He might be granted joint - I am fine with that as long as he is clean and doing well for himself. I would never keep him from the kids. It would actually HELP me if he would take them every other weekend. It would give me some freedom to move on....hence a reason he probably wouldn't do that.....anything to keep me from doing just that.
Meanwhile, he has shown his true colors to my son. Who saw how he was acting without cause. He sees how his dad is out to hurt me and through the domino effect, will be hurting the kids. It is sad that my son has to see this. Even sadder thathe is old enough/mature enough to realize it and understand it.
So I barely got an accumulated hour of sleep last night. After all that, my blood pressure was through the roof, my heart feeling like it was going to pop right out of my chest. What a mess. Thanks for listening.
Sorry his drama came back for a visit. It seems as though you handeled yourself with him really well. So far, it is all words. He may take action or you may get an apology (that is what mine does when he makes threats he doesn't want to carry out in the least bit). It is so hard to stay focused on ourselves when they throw drama at us.
You are doing a great job of taking good care of yourself and your kids. I saw great perspective in your post. Keep up the good work!
Sending you my care and support. I wish I could send you some shut eye, but I don't get much myself these days either.
He told me I could take him to court for child support now. Whatever. What he doesn't realize is, I won't do that. He doesn't know me as well as he claims to know me if he thinks I would do that. I would rather not have anything to do with him at all than go through all that.
While I do understand you not wanting anything to do with him, he DOES have a legal obligation to support those children. Going through that is for the financial benefit of the children.
As nasty as my first divorce was, and wanting to completely wash my hands of him because he had already found another woman, you can bet I did go to court and get child support established.
It takes lots of money to raise kids, and he's obligated to pay.
My thoughts are the message you are sending to him by not fighting for child support is he doesn't need to take any financial responsibility for those kids.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
For the Love of God, QOD, thank you so much for your post. Reminds me of SO MUCH I, too, need to be careful of re: my AH who I am separated from. He sounds exactly like mine. Completely ridiculous accusations and completely over the top over-reactions!
really, these people are SO toxic and pathetic and sick.
I'm very impressed at how you stayed so calm! Although I do agree that you should go after child support, I understand if you feel the need to distance yourself from him completely if he is going to be petty and cruel. I hope today went well!
Well welcome to the club. The A who I was with took the lot. He took all the furniture, the truck the works. I think it is one way they deal with their guilt. He left the dogs with me after months he did a huge dramarama with them. We do survive these things.
We do survive, I know how very very very hurtful all this is but he is an addict and acting out. They do tend to act out their emtions.
I do like your attitude, however, about not fighting about the stuff. It will be interesting to see what he actually does when he sees you don't really care.
I must sathat I'm with the others here in regards to child support. Perhaps if you don't want it, you can stick it in a college fund?
I've been told over and over that the kids eventually figure out the roles their parents play, and it sounds like you son did just that.
I hope you can get some sleep and that your blood pressure and heart beat slow down.
Keep us posted.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
