The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been almost 5 years since this horrible disease took you from me and our son. I miss you terribly. I used to think that we would be together forever and grow old together in happiness. Now I wonder when you will die. It sounds so extreme to even type such a thing, but it is real.
You've accumulated so many injuries to your body, I'm losing count of them.....Broken breast bone, eye laceration, broken jaw bone, dislocated left arm, broken right arm, broken left arm, fractured jaw, fractured ribs, pancreatitis, severe DT's, multiple withdrawals. I wonder when something will happen that will finally take you out for good?
We've accumulated so many injuries to our relationship. Begging, pleading, control, no control, disrespect, distrust, depression, boredom, solitude, isolation. Not really loving anymore, just co-existing in the same residence. Laughing together a distant memory.
Our son now suffers the consequences. Trouble at school, trouble with the police, looking for validation and security in all the wrong places. Came home drunk for the first time last weekend. FIFTEEN and drunk. Needing a father who can show him the way through the challenges, but only having a mother who can hug him, forgive him and try to guide him while talking from both sides of her mouth.
I feel so lost and desperate. A complete failure. Wanting to protect all of us from the disease yet failing so miserably every minute of the day.
Dear God, please help us all. We need help badly but we are stuck in this horror.
(((Rocky)))) This disease is powerful in its destruction - and your post proves that the destruction is not limited to the one who is taking the drink. I feel so much for you and your son who are living in this. Your concern about his death is valid - as this disease is progressive unless he chooses to find the help he needs.
In the meantime, if you have not found face to face Al-Anon meetings, I hope you will look for one today. Al-Anon lights the way to hope for our own futures. We can't fix the alcoholic, but we can do the things we need to do in order to have a good life - whether the A is drinking or not. Pick up the literature and find out as much as you can about it.
There is much more to your life than existing day to day wondering when the disease will take your husband's life; and doing damage control with your son. There is also Al-Ateen for your son. He can learn more about the disease in a way he can understand and learn to love his father, but detach from the pain. It's also a safe place for him to express his feelings about the situation.
I hope you will keep coming back - you are in the right place. You will find here that we've all been through the anger, fear, loneliness, and sadness that you are experiencing. There is hope. Please keep coming back.
(((((Rockie))))) Aloha. My heart took a direct hit from your letter.
My heart says, "Gracious Lord thank you for leading her here and to your family who has walked her path, in her shoes; who have said the things that she has said, had the thoughts that she has thought, made the promises that she has made, wished and hoped for all the good things that she also craves and felt the emptiness and loneliness that the spouses, family, friends and associates of alcoholics all feel when the alcoholics they love abandon us for the bottle. Continue to watch over her alcoholics as she takes her eyes off of them to find a new direction toward awareness, understanding and happiness for herself. Have compassion for her as you have for the rest of the family and help us to welcome her here; home.
You girl have taken exact score on the damage and that must be as painful as it was when I was doing it. Alcoholism 35 Jerry F and his wife 0. We lost every round, every game, every attempt. I want to cry with remorse for what they, the alcoholics go thru when the compulsion to drink rages and I want to cry harder for those who keep score of the hurts, pain and damage that happens to the alcoholic and not ever inventory their own. It made me scream and today rather than hold it in I scream out loud and I swear from it.
Welcome home. Your post seems to say to me that you still have composure and then only you know how to qualify or quantify your own composure. I know how I did it and when it did and didn't work. Either way my composure often veiled a broken heart with shortness of breath and a premature expectation of dying quietly; alone just left alone.
Might you want if you haven't already, to call the Al-Anon hotline in your area and see when they meet and where? You could also call the AA central and ask for some feedback from a recovering alcoholic. That might be comforting and enlightening. It might. It might not. Often times recovery for us is in the attempt rather than the outcome.
My heart feels for you. My wife was an addict. Our son an alcoholic/addict at the age of 14-15. I was practicing alcoholism when he was growing up and in recovery when he was entering his own practice. His step-mother was alcoholic/addict also. I was born and raised in and with the consequences of the disease. There wasn't enough paper to keep score. In Al-Anon and AA I learned compassion for those who have suffered the wreckage of this disease and I am grateful that I have not forgotten to cry in it. I also cheer for the miracles. I am glad you are here. I just love to cheer.
