...in the chaos and ashes of despair a Pheonix has risen, and this in itself has caused me to stop and celebrate a new day, a new dawn, and a new understanding of ME as I am TODAY.

Whilst sitting in my study preparing for my time of daily contemplation and prayer, I wrote three words down on my note pad: Insanity, Irrationality, Unity and stopped to purposefully ponder them.

Absent mindedly I got up and walked to my bedroom and reached for the book "Hope for Today" - which my cousin had sent me all the way from Austin, Texas! It resides on my bed-side table and settling myself back in my chair I turned to 1 February and this was the first sentence I read:

My best thinking and my best efforts proved insufficient to the task of restoring me to sanity.

Got me thinking, where have you just been, what has just been happening to you these last few days? Insanity seems to have been playing a major role, along with confusion and panic.

Me being me, I realised that I had not opened the book yesterday either and so I turned back a page to 31 January, and wow this was so incredible, for there I read:

Tradition One took on a new meaning for me when another member shared her interpretation that unity included coming to meetings even when life was going well for her...In the beginning unity of purpose meant I could come to a room full of people who accepted my irrational thinking.

Hey you read my mind. Irrationality certainly has been plentiful and I have been swamped by it, however, look here - unity has been plentiful too. So many of this family's members united together in their responses to my irrationality that quitting would be the answer to the situation I found myself in.


Furthermore, it went on to say this:

They offered me an encouraging hug rather than telling me to shape up. [Hey david62, you reading this? Right on!] Instead of rejecting me for being different, they showed me how alike we all are by sharing their experience, strength, and hope. Through these types of healthy encounters, I began to feel a bond with other members. I felt united with them through common experience. As I worked my program, I became more unified in my own mind, body, and spirit.

Now unity of purpose means it's time for me to attend meetings not just for what I need, but for what I can offer. How else will newcomers know there's an end to their suffering if I and other members in recovery don't show up when things are going well? How will they learn that they, too, can smile again if they don't see our smiles? [Are you getting the picture, are you seeing my smile?]
What about the long-time members who slip and forget the help available to them until we offer it? I might need this type of prompting sometime myself. When I come to meetings during my good times, others are reminded that whatever their problems, there is help and hope in AL-Anon.

These two readings spoke to a lot of my doubts, my fears, my insanity, my irrationality, my wondering about my contributions, my giving and receiving and my sharing.

I cannot tell you in words what the unity from this family has meant to me personally over the last couple of days; and I cannot tell you in words how I feel at this very moment.

I can simply say that QUITTING was never an option, no matter what others thought I was doing wrong, whatever others thought I was doing right, whether or not it was thought that, I as a newcomer - hey, I have only been here since October last year - might not have enough experience to thoughtful and carefully share; whether I have only just become a member of this family, or whether I have been here years before I participate and share.

I have prayed, waited and thought; if I did not feel comfortable or found it hard to write I abandoned my share, my response. I have always asked God to help me write the words, for I truly believe that the spoken/written word IS the most wonderful, and at the same time, the most dangerous asset wo/man has at their disposal. What matters is, if it flows, and I have prayed about it and I have ensured that to the best of my ability I am not putting anyone down, [or as Christy put it in words of this nature...blown someone's candle out,]or I am damaging anyone by the words I speak or write, THEN I use them, share them, write them in the hope that they may inspire, bring hope, encourage and comfort or enlighten others.

TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE. That is all I can do, that is how I live my life; and I hope that in the process I do not bring anyone else down, blow their candle out, hurt them, make them feel belittled or less than the person that God has created them to be, or frightened them.

Thank you for letting me share this moment with you. Talk with me about what I have written if you feel you would like too. Dismiss it if you feel I am simply rambling. Disagree if you feel there is something to take issue with. I will not be offended, I will not reject your comments, I am open to the humility there is in learning.

I see the importance of really talking and what'smore to be silent in order to listen to what others have to say whether it be to me or others.

A new day, a new dawn. Just for today I will try to be honest and open to others and try to step outside of the insanity and the irrationality that has clouded my thoughts and actions over the last couple of days.

THIS is the first day of the rest of my life, I want to LIVE it not simply exist.

HeartB