The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A has moved into a halfway house. I wish he would go back to jail so I can file for divorce without having to pay extra or fight about custody/visitation. Then I feel guilty for wishing ill things on him just to benefit myself.
He has been ringing my phone off the hook the past few days despite the restraining order and I have been avoiding answering my phone and seriously contemplated changing to a new company and getting a new number (I want a newer phone too so it's not just about his calls but they are motivational). He claims he has a job and wants to send support. Apparently the job is under the table so support enforcement is not garnishing his wages. I finally broke down and sent him an email with the link for support enforcement so he can set up an account and pay that way and asked him to quit calling. I also told him that if he stays in the recovery house through February I will let him see the kids. The rules are extensive and would make him meet the requirements of having a home, a job and sobriety that I set forth last time he was free. I figure if he can manage to stay there for a month then that shows some resolve to recover. I just don't want to jerk my kids (esp. our son) around like a yoyo with him in and out of their lives.
I'm not holding my breath for money to appear in my account but if he is genuine then he will figure out how to make that happen. I have no faith in his ability to remain there for a month and live with all the rules. I still feel guilty for wishing he would go to jail and make my life easier. Just for a few months until I can file the divorce/custody papers and have them be final. I know, mean bad me! I like mean me much better than whimpy pitiful me tho!
Keep those boundries set in stone girl! He knows what they are and is just like a kid, pushing them to their limits, looking for weak spots. Hang tough!
I have to say I am so so so relieved I do not hear from the A anymore. The limits he pushed me to with his never ending unremitting chaos. And of course only he ever had needs!
i do not think you are being mean at all. i think its wise to have huge structure around them. I can also very much relate to the issue of wanting him to be somewhere in order to file papers. I lost my truck because I simply could not serve the A. He ignored everything. I believe he thinks no rules affect him and by the way only he counts anyways.
I am not sure why your A would tell you he is working under the table isn't it condition of parole that they have a "real" job?
Yeah, CG, wouldn't it be perfect if he were locked up and you didn't have to pay to divorce his sorry butt and any and all income for the rest of his life would automatcially be deposited in your account. And all of your bad memories of him would disappear, and your kids would never fight again and and and.... Believe me, I know exactly what I "need" to feel like myself again and so far no one (besides me) cares. They just keep on living their life, not thinking at all about me and how I need it to be. The perfect senerio.......I'm not asking for much really. Just that ex and GF move to at least the next village over, or into the city, or to Europe whatever, just get them out of MY village so that I can feel safe and happy again. Not holding my breathe on THAT one!! Guess I will have to keep doing what I can do to make sure myself and my kids are safe.
Next shooting star I see I will wish your ex back to jail (just for a brief time till you get the papers signed) and my ex standing right under where the shooting star lands....like the witch in Wizard of Oz..... EEEEEHEHEHEHEHE!
