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What Does It Mean To "Work the Steps"?
(Preview)
I'm new to Alanon/ACOA and I've heard the phrase in my home meeting, "I've been working the steps," and was curious what this meant. Does it mean different things to different people? What types of things are considered working the steps? When do you know you are REALLY working the steps versus just ki...
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BlueCloud
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2
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4608
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husband quit drinking and is moody. when will his end?
(Preview)
my husband quit drinkin about 3 weeks ago. he was drinking 6-22 beers a night. i told him if he didn't stop drinking for 2months i was leaving. i know he needs to wuit forever but we will work up to that. he is so moody when will it be out of hes system.
thanks
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hannv
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3
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2717
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ok i did stuff for me today but i also played detective
(Preview)
i called our cell phone company and asked for all the # he called since friday & ordered a statement since april of all incoming & out going calls. this is when all this crap started i found 9 phone #s he called over and over again. the longest is 2 minutes first i called...
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chrissy
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4
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876
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Saw the Therapist today
(Preview)
I went to see an attorney about divorcing my a. She told me we had to go to family counseling first. So, after many arguments, I convinced my a that we needed to get help. He was very resistant and only willing to go if it was to "fix" me. He has no problems, he is perfect, and I need...
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ditto
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4
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765
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One year later
(Preview)
Hi all,
Exactly 1 year, my A was near death and my life changed forever. I'd like to share this with although it may be a bit long and rambling. But I'm writing from my heart.
My A left his other family behind on 9/28/04. He came home to me. Those 2 weeks were filled with drinking and lots of talking u...
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Karilynn
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5
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742
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Desiderata
(Preview)
The first line of this poem was something that my Mom use to remind herself when she was stressed at the university or at home. I just came across it in one of her books. If this isn't made for us. I don't know what is.
Desiderata
by Max Erhmann (1952)
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
as r...
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Karilynn
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2
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911
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WOW!! big lesson surrender
(Preview)
Hope for Today - October 10 Sometimes I need to work Step One backwards.I don't always recognize when I'm powerless, but I certainly notice when my life becomesunmanageable. Then I remember that usually when I'm feeling insane, I'm forgetting my powerlessnessand trying to control outcomes or oth...
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rosie light shines
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1
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628
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Only have two days to make a major decision
(Preview)
I only have two days to make a major decision of whether or not I am moving into my parents house an hour away. I will have to do it while my husband is at work. Our two year old is at the beach this week with the in-laws so I really need to do it by Thursday if I am going to do it. I called the school up t...
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Powerless
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5
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770
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Crying
(Preview)
Hi roomies!
I've seen a good deal of posts about crying. My A gave me this box last year when he was in rehab. It has a bunch of his favorite quotes. But this one is particularly good. I showed it to him this weekend as he has been crying a lot lately because now that he's sober, and doing mental health is e...
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Karilynn
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2
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863
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Song Lyrics
(Preview)
Was just listening to the Swamp Ophelia Album by the Indigo Girls and suddenly heard a lot of program in one of my favorite songs of theirs. Just wanted to share it in keeping with the philosophy that the best way out of our problems is to go through them...enjoy! emmie
**This is not conference approve...
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Emmie11
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0
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479
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this is an email from my deacon
(Preview)
I wish I could help him too, unfortunately he is the only person who can help himself.
YOU MUST DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO LEGALLY DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM HIM.
He is very sick - but even though you are his wife that doesn't mean that you don't love him, or care fo...
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chrissy
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1
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680
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payoffs from bad relationships
(Preview)
Payoffs from Destructive Relationships
Sometimes it helps to understand that we may be receiving a payoff from relationships that cause us distress.The relationship may be feeding into our helplessness or our martyr role.Maybe the relationships feeds our need to be needed, enhancing our s...
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rosie light shines
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0
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682
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bending with the wind
(Preview)
Sometimes it's worse to win a fight than to lose. --Billie Holiday
Our struggles with other people always take their toll on us. They often push us to behavior we're not proud of. They may result in irreparable rifts. They frequently trigger an emotional relapse. No battle is worth the damage to t...
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rosie light shines
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0
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411
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Ten Guidelines from HP
(Preview)
Just received this from a friend and it really helped me remember all the things I forget to do when I am in a crisis...thought it might be helpful to others too.
**Please note: this is not Conference Approved.**
Ten Guidelines from Your Higher Power
Effective immediately, pleas...
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Emmie11
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4
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666
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freeing myself
(Preview)
I first came to the 12 step programs 20 yrs ago, when my childhood, best friend decided to become clean. I supported her & went to AA & NA mtgs with her, sometimes we hit 3 meetings in a day. She substituted the program for the drugs & went after serenity with a vengence... ...
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kitty
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4
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523
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Who's consequenses?
(Preview)
Okay, I have been feeling like a hypocrite.
My husband is living with his parents. He has no responsibilities, no obligations. His every need is met. He has plenty of food, a comfortable bed, cable, they maintain his car and give him spending money. He does not work, and has nothing but excuses of why...
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Jeannie
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11
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642
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putting my house in order
(Preview)
Order
"We emphasize setting our house in order because it brings us relief."Basic Text p. 93
Focusing on what others are doing can provide momentary relief from having to take a look at ourselves. But one of the secrets of success in Narcotics Anonymous is making sure our own house is i...
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rosie light shines
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2
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728
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Why do I get so angry?
(Preview)
Hi Everyone,
You would think after living with an "A" for 38 years I would have this figured out but I really don't know why. I have always got mad and angry with my husband when he starts drinking and I'm the same way with my daughter.
I talked to her yesterday morning she seemed okay, a little d...
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sandy
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8
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711
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Raging again. I've slipped!
(Preview)
I had a slip today and expressed terrible rage towards my spouse (the alcoholic) and I need to tell on myself and share. I have been in the program for about 2 1/2 years. I recently moved to a new area and there are not as many meetings near me that I'm used to attending. I have worked the...
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Becca
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5
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646
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Resentments and New Beginnings
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, I found this bit about resentment on the hazeldon.org site and thought I would share:
Resentments are the blocks that hold us back from loving others and ourselves. Resentments do not punish the other person. They punish us. They become barriers to feeling good and enjoying life. Res...
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mollyann
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6
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769
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When do we stop trying?
(Preview)
Hi group
When do we stop trying to help the A's in our life. Will I ever truly learn to let go? I always feel the need to extend my help and feel I'm turning my back it i don't. I understand the term detachment but can it really be achieved especially when an A is a parent. I keep st...
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bd
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4
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543
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sad and hopeless
(Preview)
Hi all! I know I haven't written in awhile, but my A is pretty much on the computer constantly looking for a job. I hope everyone is doing well. I really need everyone right now. I am having terrible problems at work-which I won't go into, except to say it is harassment, and I am planning on speaking...
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lilleah
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4
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548
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Need a sounding board
(Preview)
I really need views from my friends here. I spent the weekend at my parents about an hour away. We had a wonderful visit. They have offered to come down one day this week while my husband is at work and pack up the essentials and let me come live with them, rent-free until I can find a job...
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Powerless
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2
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756
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Angels Among Us by Alabama
(Preview)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Maria123
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2
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518
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emotionally some days r tougher than others
(Preview)
I have been doing fairly well, the last few days... still trying to rest & not stress out too much, which is extremelely difficult for me, I stress about everything compulsively.
I am sensitive & empathetic, I did healing work for over 10 years. The last 2 years, I have t...
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kitty
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0
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547
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Big Plans
(Preview)
The day started with a phone call from my girlfriend in FL, just checking up on me, we had a wonderful visit.......
I probably am writing this for myself, but finding whatever it takes that makes it work is okay! I will finish my coffee this morning then off to run errands. I need to go to th...
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marmare
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9
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517
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working the 4 and 5 steps
(Preview)
ive tried to work these steps but need more insight on these 2 im having so many problems with dealing with me ,ppl at my ftf meetings dont want to sponser dunno y but they dont,i guess or i feel like im at yalls mercy at this they seem to shy away from the steps 4 and 5 anyway,i can look at others problem...
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pattyann1963
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5
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523
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Now what do I do
(Preview)
First of all, thank you all who responded to my post from last night. I felt good when I wrote it and you all made me feel even better. I am going to try and keep up the good work.
Now for the delima. My ex the "A" just called me about ten minutes ago. I still had not returned his calls from...
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hadit
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5
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619
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Update on Isabela
(Preview)
From Isabela:
If you get a chance, give our friends at MIP my love and let them know I have not forogtten any of them and they are often in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending many good thoughts their way...for their health, happiness, and recovery.
Isabela is working ver...
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megan
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2
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617
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suggestions
(Preview)
Hi I am hoping you guys can come up with a bit of advice here. To those of you who don't know I live in a small town and my husband lost his licence. Of course the bush telegraph was quick and everybody knew about it. For those who didn't know I chose to tell only the ones I wanted to a...
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leo
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9
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774
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my A partner
(Preview)
encouraged me to look for a site i could be a member of . As he was getting so much from the site he used. i was reading the post`s etc and just thinking of posting again . As now i can bore you rather than friends . i do not discuss my partner with my family anymore if i hear one more "end it ","he is n...
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Mars
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1
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577
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Detachment
(Preview)
this is the challenge of my life learning how to detach with love everytime      ,but ive got to learn it somehow i read alot of alanon lit but not to much on detaching with love it so easy to fall back into those old famieler ways of detaching out of a...
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pattyann1963
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2
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607
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respect & boundaires
(Preview)
Many of you already know my story but I have been under the wheather for a month now & I wasn't on the computer, in fact I was hardly doing anything but praying.
I see a lot of new names & I am so happy to know more ppl are finding our safe haven for love, support, encouragement & growth. ...
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kitty
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3
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631
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HERE WE GO AGAIN
(Preview)
AS YOU KNOW MY HUSBAND AND I SEPERATED LAST WEEK HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO MEETINGS AND DOING WELL. HE CALLED ME AFTER HIS MEETING AND SAID HE LOVED ME AND TO COME BY HIM HE WANTED TO TAKE ME & OUR DAUGHTER TO A CARNIVAL AND SPEND THE DAY TOGETHER. SO I SAID GREAT I TOLD MY DAUGHTER...
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chrissy
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10
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713
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thanks for the feedback
(Preview)
Posting helps so much but I feel I get even more out of the feedback... just to know you're understood, being too critical or wtvr, thank you so much, it really means a lot to me & I appreciate it more than I can express. I feel like you are my sane family! 
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kitty
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0
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439
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Sandy....
(Preview)
Hi. I just read your reply to one of my post. I am 13 years old and I was tooken away from my mom when I was 9. I, luckily, had my grandparents to take me in. I know what your granddaughter is feeling. It hurts alot to see someone you know hurt so bad, let alone hurting themself so bad. I think that the worst part f...
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princess433
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2
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614
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TRYING TO CONTROL?
(Preview)
Is there anything that stands in the way of my trusting a HP? What obstacles block me from turning over my will to HP? In my case, the answer is obvious: I want guarantees, I hold out, thinking that I"ll come up with a new solution to my problems even though I've tried and failed again and again. The risk of f...
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gardengal
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4
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516
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addiction and envy
(Preview)
There are two kinds of slaves, the prisoners of addiction, and the prisoners of envy. --Ivan Ilich
No emotion brings us more personal pain or wastes more of our time than envy. When we envy, we are never free from stress, because envy takes no holidays. Shakespeare called envy the green sickness....
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rosie light shines
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0
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436
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i want to keep what i got
(Preview)
A New Pattern Of Living
"We suspect that if we do not use what we have, we will lose what we have."
Basic Text p. 75
Addiction gave a pattern to our lives, and with it a meaning - a dark, diseased meaning, to be sure, but a meaning nonetheless. The recovery program gives us a new pattern of living to r...
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rosie light shines
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0
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553
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freeing me from addiction and envy
(Preview)
There are two kinds of slaves, the prisoners of addiction, and the prisoners of envy. --Ivan Ilich
No emotion brings us more personal pain or wastes more of our time than envy. When we envy, we are never free from stress, because envy takes no holidays. Shakespeare called envy the green sickness....
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rosie light shines
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0
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412
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The "He He He's/She She She's"
(Preview)
I remember coming into the program not knowing what it was all about, other than it was for family and friends of alcoholics. I had no idea how it would help me, but had been told a few years prior by a co-worker how wonderful the program was and that it had helped her. She didn't go into detail...
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kismetstrand
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9
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1490
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hi to you all
(Preview)
well my partner has been dry for 5 weeks , which has been wonderfull but also scarey. i have dreams about him drinking and all that intails . the sulking , arguing, and the police that have been called by a neighbour or ambulance as he has hurt himself . when he is drunk he is a bloody nightmare...
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Mars
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5
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592
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Tough moments....forgetting "LIVE"
(Preview)
: Things are great one day, so-so the next in sobriety. Just when I have to Live and Let Live....I forget the LIVE part. That is, LIVE for me, MY LIFE. Wonder if I will ever get it down pat. Just beefin' and appreciate any feedback. &nb...
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wallsal55
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3
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736
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Recovery is painful to watch at times
(Preview)
My A.'s drinking as estranged him from his two step children (12 and 14 yrs old) for a few years now. Neither one of them really have much to do w/him anymore. When he was drinking he was obnoxious and embarassing to them. When he wasn't drinking he was rough, gruff and angry at them. In particular my A. has...
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sg
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3
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545
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Spiritual Awakening
(Preview)
I breed cockatiels for a local pet store. I have four hens nesting right now and yesterday two chicks hatched. It always amazes me when I see these lil' creatures break out of the shell and come into the world. The size of a nickle when born and so full of life. Chirping and peeping so loud to be taken care of...
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sg
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1
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448
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Help me figure this out please
(Preview)
Hi everyone.
Well, just when I think I may be making just a little bit of progress working on myself, I slip and screw up. My husband and I have been split up for one month. We have not really seen each other during this time except for a few minutes here and there when he came to the house to pick something u...
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hadit
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5
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554
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gratitude/one day at a time
(Preview)
I came to the board last night after a week of not feeling well, dragging myself to work and waiting for the next shoe to drop with my A. It was then that I realized just how dumb I was all week. Each night I came home, dinner was ready. Yeah, this is something that I have done for years and years with very few th...
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confused
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4
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700
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Thank you
(Preview)
You know, when I came on tonight, after not being on for awhile, I was upset that my A had gone out without me, when he KNEW I had wanted to go, and he had just offered to take me out tomorrow to appease me. I was taking it very personally. But after reading all these posts, something just hit me, like a ton of br...
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lilleah
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4
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527
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Finally, I did something for me
(Preview)
Hi everyone.
Last night I posted on the board about inviting my ex over for dinner and how I was confused as to why I even did it. Your responses were that I love him (which I do), that I miss him (which I do), that I need to do for me first (which I don't).
The decision to have him here at what is now MY...
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hadit
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8
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697
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Disappointed
(Preview)
The last time I saw my dad (A) was about 3 weeks ago. They live about 3 hours away. I told them that I was going for this promotion at work (which i didn;t get but thats ok). Anyway I haven't heard from him since. No a good luck when I walked out and not a call to see how things went.&n...
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bd
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8
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862
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Update on daughter and me :)
(Preview)
Hello friends,
The relationship with me and my recoverying alcoholic/drug addicted daughter is going really well now. Being gone from things at home sure helped me alot. I am more relaxed now too. She moved into a house out of town and is renting a room. She can have her dog there and just aquir...
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cdb
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5
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553
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Letting Go
(Preview)
Hi,
Recently, I have been having trouble letting go of a friend's behavior. We have been through a lot together, much of it good, but lately I have found her behavior to be pretty hurtful. Each morning, I pray for the strength to accept her behavior for what it is and let it go. I don't want to keep bein...
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pixel04
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2
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596
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I can't believe it
(Preview)
I can't believe it - he got so drunk last night that he was still drunk this morning and actually went to work. Oh my God!!! He really has no clue. We both work at the same company and carpool so at least I drove. He convinced himself that it's all because his neck is bothering him...
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dogscribe
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10
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698
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Thankful
(Preview)
Day six, I still have not talked to my A. I am so thankful first for the people here on the board. This has been the hardest week for me. People I have known for years always tell me what a strong person I am, but this week I have not felt strong. I have felt lonely, frustrated, tire...
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marmare
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5
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542
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Thank you!
(Preview)
Problems are fixed!
Thank you, Lani ((((hugs))))
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Lani
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0
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422
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No Sex
(Preview)
In my marriage there is close to none at all. In the begin about 6 yrs ago we were doing it alot. But now it like only 2 this year. It was like I got married and now there is no sex. I thought it would be the other way around. The things that have change is that he was doing drugs/drinker heavy when we were first me...
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nycbt
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6
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690
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I have a very hard decision to make...
(Preview)
My mom (the alcoholic in my life) has been getting worse latley. She has also been lying alot.
I kinda want to just have my grandma tell her that I am not ready to talk to her but then I also wanna tell her that I am mad at her and ask her y.
What should I do?? Please help.
Love always.. Meg
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princess433
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4
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534
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Haximon & John
(Preview)
For John and Haxi,
I guess it's over now and haxi is gone. I bare no ill will towards either of you. So sorry it had to come to this. I'm sure if there is a next time that all involved (including memebers) will handle things in a different way. I have learned so much from all the view points presented here...
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sooner
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5
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1306
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confused
(Preview)
im having problems with working the steps and traditions ,my life seems to a wreck,im going in all sorts diff. diredtions and im comfused,my lifes been like this all my life,now that ive found alanon it seems that ive just got sicker instead of getting better,
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pattyann1963
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6
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565
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Happy ThanksGiving Canada
(Preview)
Happy Thanksgiving!
From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!! A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?" The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin.
God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.
Then He cuts off th...
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kerry5
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3
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497
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