The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today was such a crazy day. My A shows up at work & says he is giving me the newer vehicle that he just "magically" bought. That he is selling my daughter's car, it is a piece of sh** and so on. That he doesn't want to see us riding around in these junk vehicles that will be breaking down all the time. (This was not done in a nice, endearing tone of voice mind you!)
At first I told him no, that he was just trying to control the situation. But after talking to him for a while, I guess he really is concerned about the kids (& me) riding around in crappy cars. So after he left I talked to a few of my co-workers, who said who cares why he's doing it? Whether he thinks it's a control issue, or whatever... You're still getting a decent car out of it! LOL
So my prayers for a decent vehicle have been STRANGELY!!! answered. We all zeroed in on how GUILTY he must feel to be doing this. He never cared about us having a decent car before! And I did get a phone call from him tonite demanding the title to my daughter's car so that he can sell it. But I told him that he's not gonna get any money out of it tonite anyways, so what's his hurry? He said he has absolutely NO money... He had spent it on the car he gave me. Hmmm..... Am I supposed to feel bad about that? NOPE! It was HIS decision, not mine! The "Old" me would have definitely said no... I can't take your car! But the "New" me thought... You really need a car to get to work & take care of the kids!
As my friend pointed out to me today, does he even have a bed in his new house yet? No! So I guess the decisions he's making aren't that great. But I'm gonna sleep good tonite in my nice warm waterbed, knowing that I've got a decent ride to work tomorrow! LOL
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a mean or vindictive person. If I thought that he truly had no way of getting any money, I would feel bad. But knowing him as I do... Whenever he wanted something bad enough the money would "magically" appear!
I kept my therapist app't tonite, where we discussed how we get molded & shaped from our childhood. But how we're able to leave most of it behind and make our decisions from an adult point of view. And as I continue to work on me and grow, how I'll probably leave him behind. I never thought of it like that before. I'm already changing... It's not easy, but I really want to be a strong, independent woman.
So... not too bad a day all in all!!! Thanks for all your feedback on my last post. It really helps to know we're not in this alone. I hung onto the tightrope for one more day!
Glad you're doing better. A word of caution about giving him the title to your daughter's car. You might wanto to make sure that she has a vehicle before you do that. Or are you comfortable turning the title over? Just a thought.
Keep the focus on you and your daughter, you're doing fine. We all walk that tightrope. Thank goodness it's low to the ground if we fall off!
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
That was an awesome and uplifting post Ratchie.... way to go!! And congrats on the car upgrade - you are right, that DOES show tons of progress on your part!!
As far as the future is concerned, you just never know what will happen.... you might get yourself so darned healthy, that your A chooses sobriety in a big way too, and you guys may be happier than ever..... or, you might get so darned healthy, that he gets scared and makes sure he avoids you at all costs..... or, you might get so darned healthy, that you don't want him and his junk anymore..... Whatever the case, the key is that you are getting so darned healthy!!
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Don't want to put a damper on your excitement here but just check that the new car he has given you is paid for and you have the registration papers before you swap your daughters.
