The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am having a hard time accepting the fact that my 25 yr old daughter has a severe alcohol problem. She lost her 2 kids due to her abuse. She checked herself out of a program after 60 days of sobriety. This is the sixth attempt to remain sober for her in a year. She is in California, I am in Wyoming. Right now, I dont even know where she is or if she is safe.
The best thing you could do is come here and vent. ((((((((((((((robin)))))))))))))
the uncertainty that comes with loving an addict can sometimes be too much to bear! Especially someone that we love, and raised to be a basically good person. When there is still a human, there is still hope. Never, ever give up hope. Be careful about expectations, and let her go. I don't mean to make it so that you have no contact with her. You are free to be a mom, and help her out where you safely can, but you have to trust in your higher power, and in your skills in raising her. Trust that you did what you could, and that God can do the rest.
I would have to say that the hardest Alanon Lesson for me was to Let Go, and Let God. I didn't have faith enough in my own ability to let go, and didn't trust that God would lead my life down the right path. I firmly beleived that if I let go the alcoholic in my life would for sure die... a slow, lonely death.
Of course, that is not the way it worked, in fact he didn't even sobor up, but MY changed attituded changed so many things. I no longer think that Alcoholism is going to be the end of the world for us and our relationship, but now cherish each and every day. I can't control the span of his life, or the relationship he has with his children. Hell, I don't even know if he will come home today, but I DO know that his children are safe, warm, loved, and have precious memories with their father.
I also know that I can only love them enough from me. I can't love them from their father. I can do what I can, but I would do it weather their father was sick or not.
I have tried to learn ways to not let HIS sickness bring ME down. It is doing enough of a number on him, and I need to stay functional, friendly, and warm. I need to remain as much as a pillar as i can, but not take away his responsibilities. So far, so good.
Cling to this program. Use it as a lifeline! I promise, if you work it, it will work.
good luck, and keep posting. we all get strength from this board.
Welcome! I'm sorry that your daughter is having such a rough time. The first year of sobriety is really the hardest. My A has relapsed several times during his first year. He is still in a program and trying hard. It may or may not work. Time will tell. All we can do is take it one day at a time.
Sometimes they really have to hit rock bottom, and bounce along down there for a while until they are ready to get sober. I have a friend who hit what I thought was bottom a couple of times before she checked herself into a 1 year program. She's doing so much better.
Let Go and Let God is one of the hardest things to learn. I still stumble with that one. It's scary. Letting my A go and do what he wants and try not to worry about him? What are we nuts? But once you start to learn that, it gets better. Start with small things. I kid you not, I started with my cat and letting her out. I had to have faith that she would come back. She did. I won't lie to you, sometimes when she's running amok with the field mice and won't come in I still get a bit nervous. But I take that lesson and apply it to my A. If he's out and drinking he knows the consequences. I can't live his life for him. I can't let his disease destroy mine.
Be good to yourself. You'll learn to love with detachment as odd as that sounds. Keep coming back to us. You'll find strength, hope and love here.
Live strong, Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Just want to say that I relate. I too, have an A daughter. Thankfully, she found AA and has been sober for nearly 5 years. (She found recovery before I did!).
She is 32 now, and living her life the way she chooses. It is not always easy for us to get along, but, she has her program, and I have mine.
It is so hard to see our children fall down, and alcoholism is a horrible disease. Stay positive, the best you can do for her, is to be the best you can be - by going to f2f, reading the literature, and working the program as best you can.
Also, Robin, just as we find our HP in Alanon, your daughter has her HP too, when she is ready, she may seek sobriety.
But once you start to learn that, it gets better. Start with small things. I kid you not, I started with my cat and letting her out. I had to have faith that she would come back. She did. I won't lie to you, sometimes when she's running amok with the field mice and won't come in I still get a bit nervous. But I take that lesson and apply it to my A. If he's out and drinking he knows the consequences. I can't live his life for him. I can't let his disease destroy mine. 