The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had a slip today and expressed terrible rage towards my spouse (the alcoholic) and I need to tell on myself and share. I have been in the program for about 2 1/2 years. I recently moved to a new area and there are not as many meetings near me that I'm used to attending. I have worked the steps with a sponsor, whom I do still speak. But I still feel weak lately. I am hoping someone can share their experience, strength and hope tonight. I feel that uncomfortable feeling of old behavior and am desperate to rid myself of this. Any words of wisdom is so much appreciated!
Wow, hard to know what to say as you didn't describe what happened or what was said... knowing nothing... perhaps you did over react; maybe you usually say nothing & just blew up!
As humans we are all entitled to make mistakes, maybe you are just being too hard on yourself.
Re-focus on yourself & work your own program, that's all any of us can do, since you know the slogans & steps, remember to think of yourself kindly & gently.
In lieu of that, you could try going to the chat room, it's an open forum & there are on-line mtgs twice a day (the times are posted).
You are among friends here & welcome to the Board/Site.
-k
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
It's been 4 years since I have separated from my ex who was an A. Every once in awhile i also let him get to me. I've learned to step back....breath and let it go. He is not worth that amount of wasted emotion on my part. Anger...although it can at times be cleansing....has the power to consume and dominate if we let it. Try not to let it take control....you will feel better about yourself.
Becca, how long have you been in the new place? Do you think you may be a little off-kilter from adjusting to the new place? Also you did mention fewer meetings? Can you sit down and think it through to try to decide what triggered this and how you can take better care of yourself in the future? Do you need more fun activities focusing on you? (A class? A hiking group? A spiritual organization? Organize an open house or a potluck to get to know your new neighbors?) What were you angry about? Were you hungry, lonely or over-tired? Can you start a new Al-Anon group in your home so that there will be more meetings?
I guess my prime questions to myself at this point would be: what triggered this? what do I need? how can I take better care of myself in the future?
We are all human...we all make mistakes. Just as we try to be compassionate and understanding w/our A's and their disease, we need to remember that we also have been effected by this disease. Progress not perfection.
When I have my "outbursts" and after I have thought it thru, I make sure to make my ammends to my A and then let it go and hope he can do the same.
I agree with WakingUp. Sounds like a combination of getting use to a new place, the stress of the move (I'd rather have root canal then move! ) and not having the support system your use kind of just added up to a "Whiteout" (as my A calls it).
No big deal. You're human not a machine. You know what to do. The fact that you're concerned that the old feelings might be coming back, says that you know what's going on. You're not that far gone.
Take a deep breath, be good to yourself and keep coming back to us. You'll be fine. Listen to your HP. We'll be here for you.
Live strong, Karilynn
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
) and not having the support system your use kind of just added up to a "Whiteout" (as my A calls it).