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Just curious if anyone else has dealt w/their A becoming obsessive about certain things.
For the 7 yrs I have been married to my A. he goes thru periods of obsession with certain things.
It use to be HOURS upon HOURS playing computer games.
Then it was things like remote control racecars, atvs, now it is remote control airplanes.
It seems to always involve a ton of money and oodles and oodles of his personal time.
This latest "hobby" of his is outrageous. So imbalanced. He will spend days downstairs only coming up for coffee, food and to use the bathroom only to go back into hiding and working on his planes.
He will come home from work and head to the basement. We won't see him all night long. Weekends are the same.
It seems that nothing is done in moderation..it is all or nothing and then he loses interest after awhile only to find something else to drown himself in.
I'm trying not to take his inventory, but I will admit, it is difficult living w/it at times. He will chose whatever it is at the moment that has him obsessed over his family. It gets very frustrating and lonely at times.
Maybe this isn't anything to do w/the ism...maybe it just a personality trait. I dunno...
No your not the only one, my ex was exactly the same and still is. No he is completely immersed in AA only this time i hope, for his sake his obession last. His obsessions also included other women sadly asn well as things. people hobbies. Its very difficult living with a man like this. Unfortunately it is part of their make up. I am not perfect I obsess about him. Ho hum such is life.
Hi, This is my first post and after reading what you two have said I felt compelled to respond. I can relate so well to the obsessiveness of the A. My A is always imersing himself in one thing or another until his interest in it runs out and then on to the next. Currently my A is going to AA, Counseling and group therapy along with a complete remodeling of our first floor. He refuses to bring in any additonal help because he has to do it all by himself.
Melanie your reply about the obession with other women is my problem also. I have really been struggling with that one. I thought his obession with other women was just do to him being an active A and that when he became sober that part of my life would go away. Oh how naive I was.
This is typical behaviour for an addict. The whole addiction boils down to an obsessive compulsive issue. They obsess over the feeling their drug of choice brings them, and they compulsively use it. If they're not using alcohol/drugs at the time, they need to replace those obsessive thoughts with something else, so they become obsessed over something new. Until it no longer satisfies their obsessive need, then they move on to the next thing.
Years ago I obsessed over alcohol. Then I obsessed over my first husband. Then I obsessed over the computer. Then I obsessed over the A in my life (my 2nd husband). For a while I even obsessed over the Al Anon program. Then I obsessed over my pill addiction. It's all about replacing one addiction for another, one obsession for another......until God completly removes the obsessive thoughts from our mind, this pattern will continue.
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Kathy S --
~*I trust my Higher Power that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life today.*~
So glad you brought this topic up. My recovering A picks up addictions left and right. He has been sober from alcohol for over 20 years. He became a workaholic, computer games, hitting on women, smoking, food, and who knows what his latest is. Our counselor called it a fixation to take him out of the moment. He said that my husband could start it and stop it if he wanted to. Drives me crazy. Especially the women which I have confronting him on many times.
So my obsession is HIM! I am a love addict and I sure would like to get over this. I also somewhat obsess about getting to this Alanon board because it helps me sooooo much.
Looking back over his "obsessive" times it was when he was not drinking but also not in recovery (much like now).
These model airplanes have taken the place of the alcohol it seems. Sometimes I wish that if just one iota of time spent on the obsession was focused towards our relationship and our family how it would make things so much easier. It would feel as if WE are moving forward...instead it feels that I am moving forward and sometimes w/out him.
I often joke that I need to put some propellers on my body to get his attention! LOL
I wonder if one the reasons that recovering A become so obesessive with things, is that they need to fill the time that they use to spend drinking with something else. Yes, they go to meetings. But it seems like they need to feel like they are accomplishing something. My A has suddenly turned to art. For him it's very cathartic. He has always been Obsessive Compulsive being a Type A personality. I don't really know. It seems like its part of the recovery process. I way of keeping from getting bored or anxious. Remember : HALT? I like to hear feedback from someone who is a recovering A.
Live strong, Karilynn
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Yep, it has been my experience that obsessiveness is a very common trait among alcoholics, both active and in recovery... I just started to be thankful when my wife started becoming obsessed with "healthier" choices than alcohol..... No, being obsessed with model airplanes (ar anything else, for that matter) isn't deemed to be "healthy", but it is a step in the right direction...
Take care
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
