Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's daily in Courage to Change talks about enabling, compassion and motives....So many of us came to the program believing we were helping with compassion by covering for the alcoholic - making excuses, cleaning up financial messes, etc. The program shows us that when we did/do this, we were e...

oceanpine · oceanpine

The truly "baffle"ng part of my AH's behavior, for me, is that I just really have no idea when he has been drinking, or hasn't. I see behavior that I correlate with his drinking, but, I am not sure... maybe he is acting that way anyhow. The only reason it matters, is that in the course of human relationshi...

MomInMo · MomInMo

I just got divorced a month ago (after being separated for a long time). I didn't think of myself as being married to an addict, but he was (food, porn, all kinds of things that popped up). I didn't realize it, but I had used codependent skills in that marriage. I recently met a great guy. He's an "on the wag...

hotrod · hotrod

http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t63082686/alanon-step-10-1-5-2017/

Helpangel · Helpangel

Hi all! I was wondering how people focus on themselves when the attitude and defensiveness is really shoved in your face with a dry drunk. I really do try and take that focus off of it but man it is hard when they constantly complain that their sick or tired or exhausted or blah, blah, blah.. I mean I am gett...

joker · joker

I went to a face to face meeting on Monday night and found myself a sponsor. She too lives with an active alcoholic and it was great to hear the tools she is using to manage. I shared with her what had happened during Christmas and my reflections and what my part was in the insanity. Oh my goodness, I had a hug...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

How does AlAnon work? That's what today's writer wondered upon arriving as many do: desperate and alone. These are the things that were done by those who had found serenity: * Attend AlAnon meetings, share if you can * Work the Steps (To overachievers: ONE at a time

* Get a sponsor * Read from AlAnon...

Crau · Crau

My ex (in recovery ) is working on his fourth step and tonight , almost proudly told me I made his list of resentments , specifically for being a part of the intervention. i guess I know his intent wasn't to make me feel bad and that my reaction internally is mine to own, but it still threw me off. All I sai...

Voodoo · Voodoo

thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and share-these boards bring me a lot of peace and insight. i have shared my current experience before-my boyfriend had been sober for almost ten years, we had been together for four when he started to drink again. He is a completely different person...

Bethany66 · Bethany66

I have been "in the program" of Al-Anon for over a year (it will be 2 years in March). I know I need a sponsor, I know it will aid in my recovery, but it paralyzes me with fear to ask someone to do that for me. Why is it so difficult? I keep thinking the right person hasn't come along and I am not sure if I want to...

Tannersmom · Tannersmom

We received an email from our AS; he wants to come home. He was apologetic for all the nasty things he said. He said those things because we had made him so mad. His girlfriends life was horrible and he just wanted to take care of her. He wanted to move back home with his girlfriend. My ex and I told him w...

texas yankee · texas yankee

I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to approach the following FTF meeting issues \ problems I'm encountering - I intend to bring the issues up in a Group Conscience, but any suggestions about how to do that effectively are welcome. 1 - sharings at meetings about problems completely unrelated t...

MomInMo · MomInMo

So, I'm new to all this. Very new. But at a meeting last night a lady did her share. Then the next lady took a turn - and spent it telling the last lady what she should do about her situation and how she should feel. I mean, it was good and kind advice, but it bothered me because I thought we weren't supposed to d...

Cutty1105 · Cutty1105

I met him in june 2015. He was just starting probation for a year for what i thought was 2 DUI's. (Turned out to be 4, 2 as a minor, 2 as an adult) All before i met him. He stole my heart. The following June he cleared probation with no mess ups. He was so strong and amazing. It started one weekend at a time before...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Even after we begin our recovery, we may find that still feel resentful at times when we don't get the support or affection we want/need from our qualifier. Today's page highlights the role our misplaced expectations play in this, similar to expecting to find bread in a hardware store. There are many...

KT2015 · KT2015

When I first came to Al Anon I used to say the Serenity prayer wrong I would say it like this "God, Grant me the Serenity to change the things I cannot change.." It still makes me laugh because I think it was just a little too representative of my mindset when I first stepped into the rooms. Acceptance is s...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning Everyone- and Happy New Year! Today's reading is a reminder that although we may have suffered the effects of the family disease of alcoholism, it is not our fault nor the alcoholic's fault in regard to the disease. The program helps us to navigate the effects of this disease with the tool...

hiraeth · hiraeth

My mother is in another drinking binge and I saw her tonight for the first time in a while. She doesn't even look like herself. She is so, so swollen, particularly her face and abdomen. Her face is almost unrecognizable because the swelling has distorted her features. We had a really nice talk together...

joker · joker

Happy news years everyone. I am so grateful for a new year. I had a very nice evening last night-no drinking by the ABF. I went out and went for a steam bath and visited with my daughter and it was wonderful. I came home and the ABF had the fire place burning wood and candles lit up all over the living room. It w...

See · See

Trying to talk to me like I'm her therapist

Maggie91 · Maggie91

My relationship with a guy that i thought was the love of my life ended 4 months ago, but i still can't seem to let go of it. I still want him back, the background story is very long and it hurts my heart to talk about it, but long story short i want to get back with this man but everyone is telling me to let go of hi...

MissM · MissM

Thanks for the ESH on my lengthy post (re conversations with X). I'll start a new thread rather than resurrecting that transcript over and over, because it probably doesn't benefit anyone other than me to read it, really. It's amazing; no matter what I expect when I share something here, the perspect...

Jerry F · Jerry F

That of course translates to Happy New Year. There is no more loving group of people I could wish that to than my MIP Ohana my MIP family...I wish that for you all each day that comes at you and finds you serene. (((((hugs))))

andromeda · andromeda

2 years ago on New Year's Day I was busy celebrating that the last miserable holiday season with my XAH was coming to a close. I had found a new home to rent, I was packing like crazy, and I was ignoring my XAH's drunken barbs and passive aggressive attempts to engage me. I remember thinking that I would...

ilovelucy · ilovelucy

I've been in al anon a little over six years and have worked with my sponsor for five of those. Working with her has been incredible. I trust her implicitly. My life has changed through al anon. But it's been very difficult, and very slow--as it is for many of us. Throughout this time I've been wholly inco...

atheos · atheos

I don't think things are going to work with Al-Anon. I tried, I wanted it to work so bad, my life passed "unmanageable" several miles back and I was really hoping I was going to find help... but I'm an atheist. At first I thought I could make it work... get through step two calling the group my hi...

a4l · a4l

Ok. So im a bit more mobile today and took great pleasure hobbling my crutches out the door. Still can't bend or lift anything including the babies which i really miss. Pain is constant but manageable and the spasms have dialled down to twitces. I think i can handle a chiropractor now and definitel...

joker · joker

I have been attending AA meetings for the past 4 years now and I still struggle with the don't take the first drink deal. I have never been a heavy drinker in my life. The most I ever, ever drank in my life was when I did a 10 day bender. I was able to get up in the morning and attend to business and then then start...

Aerin · Aerin

I still cannot grasp why the A is a very selfish person. Even as a dry drunk I still see the selfishness. He sees me as "not letting him do what he wants"??. There is only one thing that he doesn't do right now and that is drink! ( technically 90 days in the program but has slipped up maybe 5-8x that I know of, h...

hotrod · hotrod

Happy New Year Everyone. I have decided that this year I'm going to share the daily readings from the ODAT. I have been sharing from the C2C for the past year and think a change would work well The ODAT reading for January 1 speaks about this being the beginning of a new year wh...

Mcat54 · Mcat54

I want a divorce. After much prayer, program and counseling, I've gotten to a place where I know I want to be by myself. We have been living in parallel for a while now. I am at peace with this. I'm sad and dreading the technical part of getting through a divorce, and I know in my heart it's the right thing fo...

Calm Lady · Calm Lady

Happy New Year everyone. So as the title says, my program thinking helped me turn my attitude around. I needed an operation a week or so before Christmas. I had been a few weeks before for the consultation and at that time, it seemed to me that most people in the waiting room had their partner with them for...

Jayla · Jayla

I'm sure everyone here knows what I mean. My AH and I have been fighting a lot lately about him staying out drinking. I'm not giving him heck about drinking bc I know he won't quit that until he's ready. I'm asking him to come drink at home instead of staying at his workplace all the time with his friends. He...

mb2016 · mb2016

I just want to wish you peace and serenity. The majority of this year was awful between me and my qualifier AH but I truly credit this program with helping me obtain peace and regain my sense of self. Definitely a work in progress for sure but it ended mostly better than it began and for that I am grateful. L...

Liz14 · Liz14

2016... What a year!!! I figured I would start listing things that I am grateful for: 1. My dear AH. I almost lost him in July from the horrid affects of alcoholism. He went into rehab after the health crisis and has been sober ever since (Drank for +45 years). His health has definitely improved. Our rel...

MissM · MissM

Today's C2C suggests taking a moment, now that we have arrived at the end of another year, to contemplate what progress we have made in the last 12 months, and to thank our HP for that progress. The reading asks us to consider how we have reached out to others this year, progressed in step work, or had the f...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses all those times when the actions of the alcoholic are so very irritating. It points that even the alcoholic can not pour the cereal correctly! While our recovery program shows us how to protect ourselves from unacceptable behavior, that's not always what is going on aro...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

I haven't posted in a long time. Feeling alone and sad. My husband of many years has been in recovery, attends meetings,talks to his sponsor once a day but slips and starts to drink again. As far as I know, he hasn't had anything in several months. He is not a binge drinker but drinks for awhile and then...

MissM · MissM

Im going to paraphrase a recent conversation between (x?)abf and I. Im sharing this because, basically, he's saying everything I have wanted to hear for a long, long time and I don't know how I feel about it. I think they're the words a lot of us want to hear at some point from our partners/x partners. I do...

Fife · Fife

I'm not sure how this chatroom works. I've never been part of one. I just need someone to talk to honestly, someone I can be honest with. I am so tired of trying to be "normal". I don't talk with my kids or sisters about his drinking, they've heard it all before, and wonder why I stay. If I had the money to live...

lovecake · lovecake

It's 1am and I need advice about what to do in the morning. About a year and a half ago my husband went out with friends. I was approaching my due date with our 2nd child. After he didn't come home and stopped answering his phone I spent the whole night calling hospitals and jails. As it turned out he was wast...

unbroken13 · unbroken13

Kate311 · Kate311

Well, the day finally came yesterday where i had enough and broke if off with my alcoholic boyfriend of 2.5 years. He had always been drinking a lot through our relationship but I didn't know how bad it was (lots of sneaking). Anyway, he had a stretch of a few clean days this month, was going to AA, being o...

sarahGee · sarahGee

I have been sliding again and making a lot of mistakes. Seems like 1 step forward, 10 Steps back these days. Just when I think I'm moving along, I will fall back on old bad habits. When I do this, I feel more out of control than I ever have, I think it's because I know better now & I am way harder on myself fo...

Alaska Jayne · Alaska Jayne

My Husband is an alcoholic, not everytime but more often here lately when he is drunk, calls me everything in the book, accuses me of cheating, says he is leaving, got physical the other night, and I finally said I had taken all I was going to, I want a divorce, not going to take it anymore, he said he will qu...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

Now I am getting ahead of myself. This is not a very good day. I am reflecting on 2016. I am hoping for a better year in 2017. I had a lot of good memories but some things really bothered me. I know that I should be grateful but today I feel sad. The holidays haven't been good to me. I had too high of expectations...

a4l · a4l

Last night was no joke. Yesterday i injuredy back picking something up: i think i did the damage months ago and my body went "nuh im done" yesterday. Ambulance, morphine, night nurse from hell and no diagnosis. The paramedic thought sciatica, the junior physio urged me to get a ct scan To check for d...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading is about martyrdom and self-pity....many of us come to Al-Anon and often don't realize that we're as ill as the alcoholic. We give power to other people's words and actions and often take it personally or react in unhealthy ways. Often we discover that we played the martyr role for a...

newleaf66 · newleaf66

Hi, I haven't posted in a long time. Caught up with life and kids....AH gave me a lot of empty promises and I went into my hopeful place only to be let down again. I think I am finally at acceptance. Acceptance that I cannot do one blessed thing to change any of this or fix it. I am handing him over to God an...

Tannersmom · Tannersmom

my as went to the annual cousins night last night. He hasn't seen them in about 9 months. He brought his girlfriend; they have a very toxic relationship. I truly believe she is part of the reason he left. I do understand he had a choice but he also takes in strays. she being the stray. With that being said,...

Lost and not found · Lost and not found

Hi, Been on the forum for approximately 12 hours and my wife has been on and snooped at the new posts i have put on. I cant really believe that she has done this as i wanted this to be something for just me to share my thoughts and feelings with people who would understand what i was going through. She says tha...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I'm just saying I don't like it and I want to fight it every step of the way .. it feels uncomfortable. It means I have to do things I don't like, be places I don't want to be, look at things a different way because it means I'm growing .. what a bunch of hogwash. Phhffttt. So I left my house for Christmas whi...

Buckeye Girl · Buckeye Girl

Ever since my 32 year old daughter relapsed after 3 years of sobriety I have been in panic mode. She told me she relapsed right before she came home for Xmas with her boyfriend. Apparently she had a meltdown at her boyfriend's parents house before coming here. She gets really short and crabby when she dr...

joker · joker

I made a huge mistake and took my abf home with me-9 hour drive to my hometown. The last trip I will ever, ever take with him. We made the drive over two days there and back. He was drunk and it was hell...I mean hell. I just about got into a car accident on the highway as he went ballistic on me, and I was driving...

Tannersmom · Tannersmom

Every year after Christmas my nieces and nephews get together for a cousins night. There are 15 in all ranging in ages from 13-30. Tonight my AS will connect with his family, He hasn't seen his cousins in almost 9 months! My niece is picking him up and he is going to attend. No pressure she told him. I...

Lost and not found · Lost and not found

This is the first time that i have told anyone this and need to get it off my chest to have some opinions on the situation as it is weighing on my mind more and more. My AW went on a "wine night" as she used to call them, which consisted of her, her sister and friends basically getting drunk on a girls night in wh...

Lost and not found · Lost and not found

Hi Everyone, Im new to the forum and just joined today. I have been married to my AW for 10 years and been together for 14 years total. She has been drinking to various levels for at least the past 20 years with the only time that she stopped drinking for longer than a week, whilst she was pregnant with our so...

el-cee · el-cee

Hope everyone had a lovely day. My day was gifted to me by my hp with a stark reminder of the power of this disease. Before 12pm in my home there were tears and tantrums. What did I do? Did what I planned and made the soup. Lol. The power of alanon won though. Family reacted but here's the best bit calm was res...

Brett · Brett

Hi all this is my first time here and was looking for some input. i have been with my girlfriend for over two years, living together the whole time. She's in her 40's and I'm in my 30's. We moved in together as roomates and shortly after realized that we had feelings for each other. Before I knew she had a dri...

Tannersmom · Tannersmom

So Christmas day, my AS called my mom and dad but hung up on them before words were exchanged (I am getting this information from my sister, who was told in confidence).... (My sister is a whole other story). They haven't seen or talked with my AS since last Easter. They are hurting so much and would go t...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Courage to Change (C2C) 1/5/17 (Preview) Today's daily in Courage to Change talks about enabling, compassion and motives....So many of us came to the program believing we were helping with compassion by covering for the alcoholic - making excuses, cleaning up financial messes, etc. The program shows us that when we did/do this, we were e...	Iamhere	8	2375	Jan 6, 2017 by Neroli
	a vent and asking for suggestions on how to share with an A about their behavior (Preview) The truly "baffle"ng part of my AH's behavior, for me, is that I just really have no idea when he has been drinking, or hasn't. I see behavior that I correlate with his drinking, but, I am not sure... maybe he is acting that way anyhow. The only reason it matters, is that in the course of human relationshi...	oceanpine	3	701	Jan 6, 2017 by Fedora
	Finding love again (Preview) I just got divorced a month ago (after being separated for a long time). I didn't think of myself as being married to an addict, but he was (food, porn, all kinds of things that popped up). I didn't realize it, but I had used codependent skills in that marriage. I recently met a great guy. He's an "on the wag...	MomInMo	14	602	Jan 5, 2017 by Mirandac
	Step 10 on Step Board (Preview) http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t63082686/alanon-step-10-1-5-2017/	hotrod	0	363	Jan 5, 2017 by hotrod
	Working on my recovery in spite of his continued dry drunk defensiveness (Preview) Hi all! I was wondering how people focus on themselves when the attitude and defensiveness is really shoved in your face with a dry drunk. I really do try and take that focus off of it but man it is hard when they constantly complain that their sick or tired or exhausted or blah, blah, blah.. I mean I am gett...	Helpangel	3	461	Jan 4, 2017 by Helpangel
	Making small steps forward (Preview) I went to a face to face meeting on Monday night and found myself a sponsor. She too lives with an active alcoholic and it was great to hear the tools she is using to manage. I shared with her what had happened during Christmas and my reflections and what my part was in the insanity. Oh my goodness, I had a hug...	joker	6	377	Jan 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	1/4/17 Courage to Change (Preview) How does AlAnon work? That's what today's writer wondered upon arriving as many do: desperate and alone. These are the things that were done by those who had found serenity: * Attend AlAnon meetings, share if you can * Work the Steps (To overachievers: ONE at a time * Get a sponsor * Read from AlAnon...	Enigmatic	3	2386	Jan 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	On the resentment list (Preview) My ex (in recovery ) is working on his fourth step and tonight , almost proudly told me I made his list of resentments , specifically for being a part of the intervention. i guess I know his intent wasn't to make me feel bad and that my reaction internally is mine to own, but it still threw me off. All I sai...	Crau	10	2069	Jan 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	How do I know what to do when my thoughts and feelings seem to constantly change? (Preview) thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and share-these boards bring me a lot of peace and insight. i have shared my current experience before-my boyfriend had been sober for almost ten years, we had been together for four when he started to drink again. He is a completely different person...	Voodoo	6	503	Jan 4, 2017 by Iamhere
	Why is it so hard for me to choose a sponsor? (Preview) I have been "in the program" of Al-Anon for over a year (it will be 2 years in March). I know I need a sponsor, I know it will aid in my recovery, but it paralyzes me with fear to ask someone to do that for me. Why is it so difficult? I keep thinking the right person hasn't come along and I am not sure if I want to...	Bethany66	9	592	Jan 4, 2017 by KT2015
	Our Meeting (Preview) We received an email from our AS; he wants to come home. He was apologetic for all the nasty things he said. He said those things because we had made him so mad. His girlfriends life was horrible and he just wanted to take care of her. He wanted to move back home with his girlfriend. My ex and I told him w...	Tannersmom	5	419	Jan 4, 2017 by Neroli
	FTF meetings - giving everyone time to share (Preview) I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to approach the following FTF meeting issues \ problems I'm encountering - I intend to bring the issues up in a Group Conscience, but any suggestions about how to do that effectively are welcome. 1 - sharings at meetings about problems completely unrelated t...	texas yankee	4	529	Jan 4, 2017 by texas yankee
	Meeting cross talk (Preview) So, I'm new to all this. Very new. But at a meeting last night a lady did her share. Then the next lady took a turn - and spent it telling the last lady what she should do about her situation and how she should feel. I mean, it was good and kind advice, but it bothered me because I thought we weren't supposed to d...	MomInMo	4	740	Jan 4, 2017 by MomInMo
	The decision to leave was hard. (Preview) I met him in june 2015. He was just starting probation for a year for what i thought was 2 DUI's. (Turned out to be 4, 2 as a minor, 2 as an adult) All before i met him. He stole my heart. The following June he cleared probation with no mess ups. He was so strong and amazing. It started one weekend at a time before...	Cutty1105	9	550	Jan 3, 2017 by Iamhere
	1/2/17 Courage to Change (Preview) Even after we begin our recovery, we may find that still feel resentful at times when we don't get the support or affection we want/need from our qualifier. Today's page highlights the role our misplaced expectations play in this, similar to expecting to find bread in a hardware store. There are many...	Enigmatic	4	578	Jan 3, 2017 by hotrod
	Acceptance (Preview) When I first came to Al Anon I used to say the Serenity prayer wrong I would say it like this "God, Grant me the Serenity to change the things I cannot change.." It still makes me laugh because I think it was just a little too representative of my mindset when I first stepped into the rooms. Acceptance is s...	KT2015	3	1015	Jan 3, 2017 by Iamhere
	Hope for Today Jan 3 (Preview) Good morning Everyone- and Happy New Year! Today's reading is a reminder that although we may have suffered the effects of the family disease of alcoholism, it is not our fault nor the alcoholic's fault in regard to the disease. The program helps us to navigate the effects of this disease with the tool...	yanksfan51	3	449	Jan 3, 2017 by Iamhere
	did your loved alcoholic die? can you help me prepare? (Preview) My mother is in another drinking binge and I saw her tonight for the first time in a while. She doesn't even look like herself. She is so, so swollen, particularly her face and abdomen. Her face is almost unrecognizable because the swelling has distorted her features. We had a really nice talk together...	hiraeth	12	679	Jan 3, 2017 by Maresie25
	Grateful today (Preview) Happy news years everyone. I am so grateful for a new year. I had a very nice evening last night-no drinking by the ABF. I went out and went for a steam bath and visited with my daughter and it was wonderful. I came home and the ABF had the fire place burning wood and candles lit up all over the living room. It w...	joker	5	381	Jan 3, 2017 by andromeda
	Alcoholic daughter in law (Preview) Trying to talk to me like I'm her therapist	See	11	667	Jan 2, 2017 by hiraeth
	depression (I'm new, any advice is welcome) (Preview) My relationship with a guy that i thought was the love of my life ended 4 months ago, but i still can't seem to let go of it. I still want him back, the background story is very long and it hurts my heart to talk about it, but long story short i want to get back with this man but everyone is telling me to let go of hi...	Maggie91	9	576	Jan 2, 2017 by See
	On reflection... (Preview) Thanks for the ESH on my lengthy post (re conversations with X). I'll start a new thread rather than resurrecting that transcript over and over, because it probably doesn't benefit anyone other than me to read it, really. It's amazing; no matter what I expect when I share something here, the perspect...	MissM	6	533	Jan 2, 2017 by MomInMo
	Hauoli Makahiki ho (Preview) That of course translates to Happy New Year. There is no more loving group of people I could wish that to than my MIP Ohana my MIP family...I wish that for you all each day that comes at you and finds you serene. (((((hugs))))	Jerry F	10	474	Jan 2, 2017 by Iamhere
	2 short years ago..... (Preview) 2 years ago on New Year's Day I was busy celebrating that the last miserable holiday season with my XAH was coming to a close. I had found a new home to rent, I was packing like crazy, and I was ignoring my XAH's drunken barbs and passive aggressive attempts to engage me. I remember thinking that I would...	andromeda	6	484	Jan 2, 2017 by Iamhere
	Help learning how to become accountable with my sponsor (Preview) I've been in al anon a little over six years and have worked with my sponsor for five of those. Working with her has been incredible. I trust her implicitly. My life has changed through al anon. But it's been very difficult, and very slow--as it is for many of us. Throughout this time I've been wholly inco...	ilovelucy	12	557	Jan 1, 2017 by MomInMo
	Can Al-Anon work for non-spiritual atheists? (Preview) I don't think things are going to work with Al-Anon. I tried, I wanted it to work so bad, my life passed "unmanageable" several miles back and I was really hoping I was going to find help... but I'm an atheist. At first I thought I could make it work... get through step two calling the group my hi...	atheos	33	10023	Jan 1, 2017 by Jerry F
	a pre emptive sanity saving vent (Preview) Ok. So im a bit more mobile today and took great pleasure hobbling my crutches out the door. Still can't bend or lift anything including the babies which i really miss. Pain is constant but manageable and the spasms have dialled down to twitces. I think i can handle a chiropractor now and definitel...	a4l	4	465	Jan 1, 2017 by a4l
	AA meetings and my thoughts (Preview) I have been attending AA meetings for the past 4 years now and I still struggle with the don't take the first drink deal. I have never been a heavy drinker in my life. The most I ever, ever drank in my life was when I did a 10 day bender. I was able to get up in the morning and attend to business and then then start...	joker	3	2278	Jan 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	Dry Drunk is almost worse.. (Preview) I still cannot grasp why the A is a very selfish person. Even as a dry drunk I still see the selfishness. He sees me as "not letting him do what he wants"??. There is only one thing that he doesn't do right now and that is drink! ( technically 90 days in the program but has slipped up maybe 5-8x that I know of, h...	Aerin	7	2792	Jan 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	ODAT Reading 1-1-2017 (Preview) Happy New Year Everyone. I have decided that this year I'm going to share the daily readings from the ODAT. I have been sharing from the C2C for the past year and think a change would work well The ODAT reading for January 1 speaks about this being the beginning of a new year wh...	hotrod	7	496	Jan 1, 2017 by MeTwo2
	I know it's time to go (Preview) I want a divorce. After much prayer, program and counseling, I've gotten to a place where I know I want to be by myself. We have been living in parallel for a while now. I am at peace with this. I'm sad and dreading the technical part of getting through a divorce, and I know in my heart it's the right thing fo...	Mcat54	7	608	Jan 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	turned my pity party into gratitude (Preview) Happy New Year everyone. So as the title says, my program thinking helped me turn my attitude around. I needed an operation a week or so before Christmas. I had been a few weeks before for the consultation and at that time, it seemed to me that most people in the waiting room had their partner with them for...	Calm Lady	6	388	Jan 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	Drunk Talk (Preview) I'm sure everyone here knows what I mean. My AH and I have been fighting a lot lately about him staying out drinking. I'm not giving him heck about drinking bc I know he won't quit that until he's ready. I'm asking him to come drink at home instead of staying at his workplace all the time with his friends. He...	Jayla	14	2817	Jan 1, 2017 by hotrod
	To those struggling through the holidays (Preview) I just want to wish you peace and serenity. The majority of this year was awful between me and my qualifier AH but I truly credit this program with helping me obtain peace and regain my sense of self. Definitely a work in progress for sure but it ended mostly better than it began and for that I am grateful. L...	mb2016	2	350	Jan 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	2016 - My Gratitude List (Preview) 2016... What a year!!! I figured I would start listing things that I am grateful for: 1. My dear AH. I almost lost him in July from the horrid affects of alcoholism. He went into rehab after the health crisis and has been sober ever since (Drank for +45 years). His health has definitely improved. Our rel...	Liz14	1	387	Jan 1, 2017 by Iamhere
	Courage to Change 31/12 (Preview) Today's C2C suggests taking a moment, now that we have arrived at the end of another year, to contemplate what progress we have made in the last 12 months, and to thank our HP for that progress. The reading asks us to consider how we have reached out to others this year, progressed in step work, or had the f...	MissM	5	498	Jan 1, 2017 by MissM
	Courage to Change (C2C) 12/29/16 (Preview) Today's reading discusses all those times when the actions of the alcoholic are so very irritating. It points that even the alcoholic can not pour the cereal correctly! While our recovery program shows us how to protect ourselves from unacceptable behavior, that's not always what is going on aro...	Iamhere	2	395	Jan 1, 2017 by Calm Lady
	Years of recovery and years of drinking (Preview) I haven't posted in a long time. Feeling alone and sad. My husband of many years has been in recovery, attends meetings,talks to his sponsor once a day but slips and starts to drink again. As far as I know, he hasn't had anything in several months. He is not a binge drinker but drinks for awhile and then...	wifeofalcoholic	7	505	Dec 31, 2016 by SerenityRUS
	Maybe I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face. Idk. (Preview) Im going to paraphrase a recent conversation between (x?)abf and I. Im sharing this because, basically, he's saying everything I have wanted to hear for a long, long time and I don't know how I feel about it. I think they're the words a lot of us want to hear at some point from our partners/x partners. I do...	MissM	7	601	Dec 31, 2016 by hiraeth
	First time on here (Preview) I'm not sure how this chatroom works. I've never been part of one. I just need someone to talk to honestly, someone I can be honest with. I am so tired of trying to be "normal". I don't talk with my kids or sisters about his drinking, they've heard it all before, and wonder why I stay. If I had the money to live...	Fife	4	386	Dec 31, 2016 by Iamhere
	It's 1am and I need advice about what to do in the morning (Preview) It's 1am and I need advice about what to do in the morning. About a year and a half ago my husband went out with friends. I was approaching my due date with our 2nd child. After he didn't come home and stopped answering his phone I spent the whole night calling hospitals and jails. As it turned out he was wast...	lovecake	5	831	Dec 31, 2016 by Iamhere
	To my MIP Family (Preview)	unbroken13	4	289	Dec 31, 2016 by Jerry F
	I left him but should I still try to help him (Preview) Well, the day finally came yesterday where i had enough and broke if off with my alcoholic boyfriend of 2.5 years. He had always been drinking a lot through our relationship but I didn't know how bad it was (lots of sneaking). Anyway, he had a stretch of a few clean days this month, was going to AA, being o...	Kate311	3	405	Dec 31, 2016 by Iamhere
	Went to my first AA meeting tonight. (Preview) I have been sliding again and making a lot of mistakes. Seems like 1 step forward, 10 Steps back these days. Just when I think I'm moving along, I will fall back on old bad habits. When I do this, I feel more out of control than I ever have, I think it's because I know better now & I am way harder on myself fo...	sarahGee	2	1303	Dec 31, 2016 by Iamhere
	Don't Know What To Do (Preview) My Husband is an alcoholic, not everytime but more often here lately when he is drunk, calls me everything in the book, accuses me of cheating, says he is leaving, got physical the other night, and I finally said I had taken all I was going to, I want a divorce, not going to take it anymore, he said he will qu...	Alaska Jayne	2	381	Dec 31, 2016 by Iamhere
	highs & lows happy new year (Preview) Now I am getting ahead of myself. This is not a very good day. I am reflecting on 2016. I am hoping for a better year in 2017. I had a lot of good memories but some things really bothered me. I know that I should be grateful but today I feel sad. The holidays haven't been good to me. I had too high of expectations...	Hoot Nanny	3	343	Dec 31, 2016 by Iamhere
	just got home from hospital (Preview) Last night was no joke. Yesterday i injuredy back picking something up: i think i did the damage months ago and my body went "nuh im done" yesterday. Ambulance, morphine, night nurse from hell and no diagnosis. The paramedic thought sciatica, the junior physio urged me to get a ct scan To check for d...	a4l	12	660	Dec 31, 2016 by a4l
	Courage to Change (C2C) 12/30/16 (Preview) Today's reading is about martyrdom and self-pity....many of us come to Al-Anon and often don't realize that we're as ill as the alcoholic. We give power to other people's words and actions and often take it personally or react in unhealthy ways. Often we discover that we played the martyr role for a...	Iamhere	4	456	Dec 31, 2016 by newleaf66
	How do you cope with living with a ghost? (Preview) Hi, I haven't posted in a long time. Caught up with life and kids....AH gave me a lot of empty promises and I went into my hopeful place only to be let down again. I think I am finally at acceptance. Acceptance that I cannot do one blessed thing to change any of this or fix it. I am handing him over to God an...	newleaf66	10	502	Dec 31, 2016 by newleaf66
	He is going part 2them (Preview) my as went to the annual cousins night last night. He hasn't seen them in about 9 months. He brought his girlfriend; they have a very toxic relationship. I truly believe she is part of the reason he left. I do understand he had a choice but he also takes in strays. she being the stray. With that being said,...	Tannersmom	4	458	Dec 30, 2016 by LinSC
	Snooping AW (Preview) Hi, Been on the forum for approximately 12 hours and my wife has been on and snooped at the new posts i have put on. I cant really believe that she has done this as i wanted this to be something for just me to share my thoughts and feelings with people who would understand what i was going through. She says tha...	Lost and not found	10	564	Dec 30, 2016 by sarahGee
	The Whole Adult Thing (Preview) I'm just saying I don't like it and I want to fight it every step of the way .. it feels uncomfortable. It means I have to do things I don't like, be places I don't want to be, look at things a different way because it means I'm growing .. what a bunch of hogwash. Phhffttt. So I left my house for Christmas whi...	SerenityRUS	7	579	Dec 30, 2016 by SerenityRUS
	Holiday blues (Preview) Ever since my 32 year old daughter relapsed after 3 years of sobriety I have been in panic mode. She told me she relapsed right before she came home for Xmas with her boyfriend. Apparently she had a meltdown at her boyfriend's parents house before coming here. She gets really short and crabby when she dr...	Buckeye Girl	3	402	Dec 30, 2016 by Iamhere
	hellish holiday (Preview) I made a huge mistake and took my abf home with me-9 hour drive to my hometown. The last trip I will ever, ever take with him. We made the drive over two days there and back. He was drunk and it was hell...I mean hell. I just about got into a car accident on the highway as he went ballistic on me, and I was driving...	joker	3	463	Dec 30, 2016 by Iamhere
	He's going!! (Preview) Every year after Christmas my nieces and nephews get together for a cousins night. There are 15 in all ranging in ages from 13-30. Tonight my AS will connect with his family, He hasn't seen his cousins in almost 9 months! My niece is picking him up and he is going to attend. No pressure she told him. I...	Tannersmom	1	346	Dec 29, 2016 by hotrod
	opinions please! (Preview) This is the first time that i have told anyone this and need to get it off my chest to have some opinions on the situation as it is weighing on my mind more and more. My AW went on a "wine night" as she used to call them, which consisted of her, her sister and friends basically getting drunk on a girls night in wh...	Lost and not found	5	513	Dec 29, 2016 by Jayla
	Newby (Preview) Hi Everyone, Im new to the forum and just joined today. I have been married to my AW for 10 years and been together for 14 years total. She has been drinking to various levels for at least the past 20 years with the only time that she stopped drinking for longer than a week, whilst she was pregnant with our so...	Lost and not found	9	516	Dec 29, 2016 by Jayla
	Drama with progress (Preview) Hope everyone had a lovely day. My day was gifted to me by my hp with a stark reminder of the power of this disease. Before 12pm in my home there were tears and tantrums. What did I do? Did what I planned and made the soup. Lol. The power of alanon won though. Family reacted but here's the best bit calm was res...	el-cee	5	581	Dec 29, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Hi everyone: first post (Preview) Hi all this is my first time here and was looking for some input. i have been with my girlfriend for over two years, living together the whole time. She's in her 40's and I'm in my 30's. We moved in together as roomates and shortly after realized that we had feelings for each other. Before I knew she had a dri...	Brett	6	537	Dec 29, 2016 by Calm Lady
	Parents (Preview) So Christmas day, my AS called my mom and dad but hung up on them before words were exchanged (I am getting this information from my sister, who was told in confidence).... (My sister is a whole other story). They haven't seen or talked with my AS since last Easter. They are hurting so much and would go t...	Tannersmom	3	473	Dec 29, 2016 by Iamhere
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.