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Opinions on starting relationship when newly sober (New member- first post)
(Preview)
Hi guys.... I feel like my story is a bit complicated, and I don't want to completely lose you in the details. Let's just say I met a guy the past July online and we sort of fell into something neither of us expected or was looking for. He told me early on that he was an alcoholic, and he was currently off his...
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Olivia
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7
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634
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Cheating Question?
(Preview)
hello.. here I am back with some more venting! I am not expecting "advice" but maybe some points of view from people how have been there. so the boyfriend of 5 five years, finally started AA and in the last three months has gone to AAA and sincerely wants to change his life, which is an amazing thing and I...
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Aerin
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10
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765
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Reacting (Also, I'm new to the forum)
(Preview)
Hi everyone, I am new to the forums and am so glad I found them. I've been struggling hard with reacting rather than acting. I grew up with my qualifier who made the mere idea of action/choice on my part very dangerous or treated it with contempt. I instead very carefully maneuvered around them, and live...
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pom
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2
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586
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Problems finding a sponsor
(Preview)
Hi I'm new here. I am working on the 12 step book questions but I am having problems finding a sponsor. I had one person that insisted on doing it with me but I have asked her to meet 3 times and she has not responded so I am moving on from there. In the group I am in I say very little and I have been going for about 2...
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piper60
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2
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437
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Stupid Anniversay
(Preview)
Today is 1 year since I found out my son had a drug problem. This past year has been hell. I have cried more tears then I ever thought possible and believe it or not, there are still more to cry. Currently he still believes he doesn't have a problem. He doesn't have a job, doesn't have a home base (jumping...
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Tannersmom
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4
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534
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Therapist and dry drunk no bounds
(Preview)
my ah is 90 days sober. We have been doing this cycle thru 5 years of marriage and 1 Year of dating. He has a good job but hates it and complains about it alot. We actually work for the same company but he is more senior than I. Any who last night we had couples therapy and I think I am still in shock over what he sa...
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Helpangel
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11
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776
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Peaceful Friday
(Preview)
Dropping off good wishes for a peaceful day for us all. I am full of love for my program and gratitude for people walking alongside me. Prayers to John and immense gratitude to him. I am currently living a calm, satisfying life. Something I didn't think possible. My AH and I are living together in peace....
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Calm Lady
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2
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462
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Courage to Change (C2C) 1/12/17
(Preview)
Today's reading discusses watching a colony of bees. The writer is at first a bit intimidated and scared of the buzzing and frenzied motion, but is reminded that a sting is less likely if distance is kept between self and the action. Noted - "If I chose to maintain a safe distance from a dangerous situ...
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Iamhere
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6
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697
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Test results
(Preview)
Good news- my lung biopsy didn't show any cancer - just infection. Home recouperating and thanking HP for being with me every step. Feeling extreme gratitude toward my loved ones; both friends and family, the surgeon, nurses and all hospital staff. El
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El
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7
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538
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Heartbroken and depressed
(Preview)
Hello everyone and Happy New Year, I am new here. I stumbles on your forum while once again trying to find some answers or guidance on the internet. I am truly heart broken...and I feel broken. The depressions my Alcoholic husband has thrown me into just seems never ending...and I need some advice. So,...
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Arizons
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11
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2804
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Choices
(Preview)
Its great to have choices today. My old black and white thinking meant that I reacted to everything and everyone. Drama comes knocking and being in a spiritual program of recovery doesn't stop the challenges faced by others in my life who enjoy drama and the self pity parties. Today I get to decide how t...
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el-cee
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7
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1192
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trying not 2 make same mstakes
(Preview)
stressed over wanting not to make the same mistakes i have in my life. Also trying to fiquire out if the path im on, is where im supposed to be. I guess only the HP knows for sue these things. Still i dont want to be left holding the bag again, as far as my relationship goes. Im treading a line between helping a...
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YARNCRAZY
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2
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494
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Found out the Truth and I am Done :(
(Preview)
I know a lot of you have seen me here many many times defending my abf actions, asking multiple questions, trying to make sense of things. ( I have been with him for 4 1/2yrs) Despite the many setbacks (drinking then stopping for a bit, then drinking and stopping.. round and round) and physical abuse...
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Aerin
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7
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806
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When does it end...
(Preview)
my mother has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. And its tearing m my family apart, yet whenever shes sober I seem to be the only one who remembers her episodes. I struggle with keeping my anger towards her in when shes drinking and Im sick of picking up house duties as i have my own responsibil...
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Stormyyears
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4
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582
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Need thicker skin
(Preview)
I have a younger brother that lives 8 hours away and has been struggling with his alcohol and drug addiction for years now. He is now facing legal charges of abuse toward his gf. He is now homeless and without a job. I feel so bad for him but at the same time he made his bed and now needs to deal with it. There is...
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joker
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6
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649
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1/11/17 One Day at a Time in AlAnon
(Preview)
In the format of 'Once upon a time...', today's ODAT page tells of a woman who, if asked, would tell you that she was unhappy about 'everything'. Tales of various woes followed, covering all aspects of her life in which she suffered. She had no time to care for herself, communicate with friends and fami...
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Enigmatic
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3
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452
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I am that woman ..
(Preview)
It has been a very long journey .. some extremely tiring and some invigorating .. probably some so not program that was both sides of that coin. I have learned a LOT in 5 years of trying to separate and divorce from the hot mess that is my XAH. I can't imagine getting marriage again .. I want to be in a posi...
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SerenityRUS
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5
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2926
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Angry, bitter and resentful
(Preview)
It's been a long time since I posted but I sure have missed being able to vent and reading from people who are experiencing the same situations. My husband had been clean and sober for over 13 years when he relapsed. I met him when he had 1 year of sobriety so being with an alcoholic is new to me. The man I knew...
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Dlove
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6
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2441
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Slipping
(Preview)
After my meeting with my AS 2 Saturdays ago, I felt strong and confident in my boundaries and my feelings toward him. It only took 1 week for me to start worrying and longing for him. Sadness is creeping back into my heart. I am finding myself consumed with him again. I can't stand this stupid disease. I ne...
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Tannersmom
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5
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522
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Hope for Today Jan 10
(Preview)
Good morning everyone- Today's reading is about how some children of alcoholics, ratheir than getting drunk on alcohol, get lost in emotional binges- unable to handle feelings, mood swings from euphoria to depression. The writer points out that the first step is a helpful tool in remembering tha...
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yanksfan51
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3
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512
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1/9/17 Hope for Today
(Preview)
Regarding behavior, a sponsor once told a member that once is a fluke, twice a coincidence, but three times is a pattern. Today's page suggests that if I am still suffering because of the same behavior that I have seen more than three times, than it is time to make an adjustment in my expectations, minds...
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Enigmatic
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8
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2920
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The bottom line...
(Preview)
Although I haven't posted in a bit, I read the posts every single day. I have been very busy preparing for surgery tomorrow. It is in-patient biopsy of a possible cancer. I have had scans, and tests of every sort and tomorrow we will know for sure. With all the doctor visits and consultations, I made a req...
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El
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5
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539
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Depression- I feel like it's a cycle and that I just run out of energy..
(Preview)
hi everyone. I have been trying to follow the steps and take care of me but sometimes I feel like my energy is completly taken from me. I can barely get motivated to do anything. I'll get up to do what I have to do but the rest of the time I just want to watch tv. It's weird but I have noticed that it is pattern w...
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Helpangel
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4
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662
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Oh another higher power happening
(Preview)
I woke up often last night with something relating to my son going round and round in my mind. I woke up with seething anger, i wanted to react, wake everyone up, tell them what was what, kick them all out, the whole dramatics, the urge was intense. I didnt, i sat with the anger, kind of allowed it to be, neve...
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el-cee
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2
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525
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Struggling- Need Help
(Preview)
Met a women in the program(AA) and starting dating. Nothing to romantic- just got together once a week or so. Went to dinner, movies and took her son to a hockey game. Moving really slow, felt really healthy to both of us. We never pushed or forced anything on one another. We liked each other uncond...
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Mike B
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12
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908
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Watching a miracle happen and in support.
(Preview)
We all have been here before ourselves. And we put it in print on the board. The anger and rage and blame and resentments and more..."our insanities". It happens in the meetings also and recently here at home in Hilo. Each time it happens we earn more experience with it and the woman who brings it....
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Jerry F
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2
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510
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So angry
(Preview)
How do I stop being so angry at my spouse? I am so full of rage not just anger when he is drinking. I cannot even stand to be around him. I am currently tapering off of the antidepressant I have been taking for the past 2 years and I can feel a difference right now in how I am dealing with him. I cannot tolerate it...
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Scarlet Begonias
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6
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2927
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Hospice - (edited)
(Preview)
This morning at 9 AM I am meeting with my Hospice worker for first time. It will be an in-home visit. Yes, my health condition is really so bad that its now time to start putting a solid treatment team together so my transition from flesh, to spirit can go forward with some level of dignity in caring hands....
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John
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25
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2650
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I think I hate my husband
(Preview)
My husband destroyed our friendships, his career, his body (he looks like a skeleton with skin), and, his brain, our relationship when he relapsed while I was pregnant near 4 years ago now. When I discovered what was really going on with him, I kicked him out of the house. I was 7 months pregnant and we ha...
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ValentineB
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10
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7575
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Enough Is Enough
(Preview)
I posted before about my son obviously being high when he would stop by my house,and how I felt the need to call him out on it,to know the truth.After that,I did my best to just mind my own business,not accuse him of being high,not ask if he was,I basically just ignored it. Things really got worse though.I...
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TessaB
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15
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876
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Having a rough life need help or advice?
(Preview)
Hello this is my very first time being on this al-anon group chatting website. I have a really bad alcoholic father who overly drinks on the weekends. I'm his only daughter who is going to be 28 in May. I don't know where to begin.... My dad is a hard working man he treats me alright Monday-Thursday but Fri...
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Kellie28
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1
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433
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Heartbroken after break up with alcoholic boyfriend
(Preview)
Hi, I'm new here. I feel a little strange asking people I don't know for support around this, but I think people here probably understand what I'm going through more than anyone else. In mid-June I broke up with my alcoholic boyfriend of two and a half years due to his drinking (he had stopped for three we...
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Mary328
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19
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2603
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how to cope
(Preview)
I am struggling to deal with my husband's drinking especially since my Mother has recently placed in a convalescent care facility. I am needing support to get through this ordeal, however instead of that I have a belligerent drunk man to cope with when I get home from visiting her. Both his parent's...
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LouiseR
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3
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496
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Alcoholic in recovery but question honesty
(Preview)
Hi all, Im in a 4 year relationship with an alcoholic who has been in active recovery over the past 2 years (has a sponsor, 5-6 meetings a week). He has had several relapses. What should I do if I see subtle signs (speech pattern and personality changes) that indicate to me, he may have been drinking?...
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Westport3124
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4
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656
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Telling family about problem drinking in spouse
(Preview)
I am finally realizing that my husband has a drinking problem. I used to drink with him, before kids, and now only find time for a glass of wine maybe twice a week. He, however, drinks 2 beers nightly in front of me, and hides more on his way home from work. I found a full unopened beer under the bed (he wor...
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r3tr3v3d
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9
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1692
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Nocturnal visitors.
(Preview)
Deep breath...find serenity... Last night my dog killed a snake in the backyard. Or, at least I think it was a snake; it was dark and the security light switched itself off while I was trying to see what was going on. Which was really handy because to make it turn back on I would have had to walk past wh...
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MissM
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5
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571
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Focus on myself
(Preview)
I had a ohh moment. I was reading on line here and read about focusing on myself. I have been so much in physical pain lately, not sure, doctors are running tests, that focusing on the alcoholic has not even been an option for me. I am seeing the pain as my friend right now. It has been helping me to not to focu...
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joker
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3
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493
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G&a
(Preview)
I'm greatful that John f.is still with us and has recently posted.i always get a lot out of his posts. and I'm greatful the sun is fully out and shining bright, on this cold wintry day,last week we had 70s weather,this morning I wake up to it being 7 degrees. we so need it to stay in the freezing temps for at l...
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lookingup
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6
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390
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Partner dry since NYE, drinking again ...
(Preview)
(http://alanon.activeboard.com/t63080803/hello-checking-in-partner-has-been-sober-since-christmas-eve/),
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jitsuka
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4
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476
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ODAT readng 1-8-2017
(Preview)
The ODA T reading for January 8 speaks about the time when the alcoholic finally finds sobriety. It suggests that we, as Al-Anon members need to overcome the fear and anxiety that maybe this sobriety will not last. The reading suggests that we try to maintain our confidence and trust in the proces...
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hotrod
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4
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584
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Do I Need to make amends to my Qualifier?
(Preview)
Two things occurred last night while my husband was doing his usual 2 hour rant after coming home at 1:00 AM from drinking that have set me back. One, when he finally came to bed, he accidentally threw a pillow on top of me and I startled and said, "What are you doing?" He then said he was sorry and then qui...
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MovieGal
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10
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834
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Hello, checking in. Partner has been sober since Christmas Eve.
(Preview)
Hi everyone The A in my life is my partner, she's been drinking for years - I have no idea about her early life but has been using it as a crutch for social anxiety (she's also recently been clinically diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome). I know for sure that she's been drinking a lot (vodka) 'secretly' i...
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jitsuka
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7
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585
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Courage to Change 7/1
(Preview)
Today's c2c focuses on the "just for today" suggestion that "Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax". It suggests that at first this is very difficult for many of us and so we might try 5 minutes, then 10 and so on until we are able to comfortably take 30 minutes to relax however...
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MissM
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3
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418
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Are we co-dependents?
(Preview)
A friend of mine told me I should go to a co-dependents meeting because those most affected by drinking are co-dependent. She explained that those traits cause all the pain because they don't live their lives and everything the alcoholic is doing affects every aspect of their lives. It made sense to...
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wifeofalcoholic
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8
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658
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continued progress
(Preview)
I am grateful this week is coming to an end. Its been insanely busy for me. My mind has been all over the place and my to do list just keeps growing, but I was able to get what had to be done this week accomplished. Its a great feeling. Wednesday I thought I would die. My body hurt all over so bad no amount of any p...
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joker
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2
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462
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options to verify sobriety/mental stability for a parenting plan
(Preview)
I am looking for a list of ways to verify sobriety/mental stability for a parenting plan. What are the sober parents asking for to keep the kids safe if/when there is a relapse? I am in California For example: monthly random drug test psychiatrist signing off to report on medication noncompliance...
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lard
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3
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7377
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Alcoholic depressed daughter in law
(Preview)
My daughter in law has a severe drinking problem and other psychological issues. Her behavior toward me is on again and off. One minute she is nicey nice to me + then will completely shut me out. I feel like I need to walk around on egg shells with her + be careful what I say. What's a mom to do when she is ju...
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See
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3
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551
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yay not nuts (not entirely)
(Preview)
Got my ct scan results back today. Bulging disc with nerve compression, plus degenerating facet joints and slight scoliosis. I am grateful to know its not all in my head which is a quite ridiculous fear considering that hello! You couldn't move. Lol. So there's an unexpected gratitude for a tang...
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a4l
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4
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477
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Happy New Year
(Preview)
Hello and Happy New Year! I just wanted to say hi and thank you to everyone for sharing your thoughts. In the past year that I've been on this board, it has been a lifesaver for me. So much experience (which I am sorry that all of you have) and wisdom (which I am grateful that you have). Two things I am cautio...
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Fedora
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2
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423
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C2C (Courage to Change) for 1/6/17
(Preview)
Today's reading in our C2C literature discusses the importance of fellowship and support from other members in our program. Reaching out to others between meetings is a great tool to use - it helps us as well as the other person - our ability to share, get/give ESH, reason things out - fellowship is a g...
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Iamhere
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2
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448
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Relapse
(Preview)
A few days ago, my AH relapsed. All the old feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, fear and frustration came up. I know I shouldn't talk to a person who is has been drinking but I did and it didn't have a good outcome. I know better. The next day we talked a little and I also sent him an E-mail to express...
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wifeofalcoholic
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3
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531
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Courage to Change (C2C) 1/5/17
(Preview)
Today's daily in Courage to Change talks about enabling, compassion and motives....So many of us came to the program believing we were helping with compassion by covering for the alcoholic - making excuses, cleaning up financial messes, etc. The program shows us that when we did/do this, we were e...
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Iamhere
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8
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2849
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a vent and asking for suggestions on how to share with an A about their behavior
(Preview)
The truly "baffle"ng part of my AH's behavior, for me, is that I just really have no idea when he has been drinking, or hasn't. I see behavior that I correlate with his drinking, but, I am not sure... maybe he is acting that way anyhow. The only reason it matters, is that in the course of human relationshi...
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oceanpine
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3
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831
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Finding love again
(Preview)
I just got divorced a month ago (after being separated for a long time). I didn't think of myself as being married to an addict, but he was (food, porn, all kinds of things that popped up). I didn't realize it, but I had used codependent skills in that marriage. I recently met a great guy. He's an "on the wag...
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MomInMo
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14
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743
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Step 10 on Step Board
(Preview)
http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t63082686/alanon-step-10-1-5-2017/
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hotrod
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0
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459
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Working on my recovery in spite of his continued dry drunk defensiveness
(Preview)
Hi all! I was wondering how people focus on themselves when the attitude and defensiveness is really shoved in your face with a dry drunk. I really do try and take that focus off of it but man it is hard when they constantly complain that their sick or tired or exhausted or blah, blah, blah.. I mean I am gett...
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Helpangel
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3
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586
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Making small steps forward
(Preview)
I went to a face to face meeting on Monday night and found myself a sponsor. She too lives with an active alcoholic and it was great to hear the tools she is using to manage. I shared with her what had happened during Christmas and my reflections and what my part was in the insanity. Oh my goodness, I had a hug...
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joker
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6
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485
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1/4/17 Courage to Change
(Preview)
How does AlAnon work? That's what today's writer wondered upon arriving as many do: desperate and alone. These are the things that were done by those who had found serenity: * Attend AlAnon meetings, share if you can * Work the Steps (To overachievers: ONE at a time  * Get a sponsor * Read from AlAnon...
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Enigmatic
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3
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2811
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On the resentment list
(Preview)
My ex (in recovery ) is working on his fourth step and tonight , almost proudly told me I made his list of resentments , specifically for being a part of the intervention. i guess I know his intent wasn't to make me feel bad and that my reaction internally is mine to own, but it still threw me off. All I sai...
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Crau
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10
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2432
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How do I know what to do when my thoughts and feelings seem to constantly change?
(Preview)
thank you in advance for taking the time to read this and share-these boards bring me a lot of peace and insight. i have shared my current experience before-my boyfriend had been sober for almost ten years, we had been together for four when he started to drink again. He is a completely different person...
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Voodoo
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6
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617
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