The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to a face to face meeting on Monday night and found myself a sponsor. She too lives with an active alcoholic and it was great to hear the tools she is using to manage. I shared with her what had happened during Christmas and my reflections and what my part was in the insanity. Oh my goodness, I had a huge part in it. One thing she said to me is leave the alcoholic behind, just get out the door and if he does not want to participate or go with you, just leave him behind. I was tested with that yesterday and I had asked him to come to the bank with me about some business and he wined and cried and said I do not want to go. Rather then put with with a grown man being miserable, I just said ok, stay here I will go myself. I am grateful I made the decision to go myself, it was much peaceful and I was able to get my business done without his negative attitude. I am learning not to involve him with anything anymore. I will do it myself and move on with my life without him. I need to just focus on me and what I need for me and the hell with him. If he wants to stay at home and feel sorry for himself or sleep as he often does, go for it...I am moving on, without you!
This was a huge step for me to know that I do not need him or his support or company! I can do it myself and have a life and do things for me, if he does not want to be involved, who cares...life goes on and sorry that your left behind, not my problem!
Wow, that sounds like a great step forward ! So glad for you. I, too, have learned how many things I can handle on my own... financial decisions, home repairs,etc. It is empowering, isn't it?
-- Edited by Freetime on Wednesday 4th of January 2017 12:04:24 PM
Great share, Joker. Great progress. I also realised that I didn't HAVE to include AH in anything I did, I thought I had too. Life became a lot easier. No hangover sulky alkie with me being awkward dragging me down.
I love it, by default, so does he! I feel very empowered.
Great share Joker and great progress. I came to that realization at some point too. My AH can be such a stick in the mud and for some reason I used to think I needed him to do everything I wanted to do. It made both of us miserable. So I stopped trying to get him to do things I wanted to do and did them myself. Turns out I can do a lot on my own and I'm happier to do it on my own than drag someone along who doesn't want to be there. It's kind of a new found freedom for me. And I am starting to cherish my time I have to myself more.
Lovely share Joker - keep working it....it looks great on you! Congrats. on finding a sponsor also - yay all around!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
