We all have been here before ourselves.  And we put it in print on the board.  The anger and rage and blame and resentments and more..."our insanities".  It happens in the meetings also and recently here at home in Hilo.  Each time it happens we earn more experience with it and the woman who brings it.  She is hurting so badly and acts out.  We respond with program...steps, traditions, protocols and compassion and empathy and of course we also respond with Experience, Strength and Hope.  He pain is so consuming that up until yesterday it continued to attempt power and control tactics to keep us "in" her rants and raves until "she" decided she was done.  I am not one to enable that to happen for/to me and so when I decided it was appropriate for me to detach and go away I did and I left the meeting quietly...which pissed her off I heard.  Ok that is only one way she could have handled it out of many however she was stuck and the remaining members told me that she lashed me as disrespectful and more for not staying until ????.  I knew where she was at cause I've been there myself ...."Oh Well" was one thought force the old timers taught me when the alcoholic was attempting to use me and other to pay for their agony. 

She showed up at my Wednesday Night Turning Point AFG meeting and had added to the stack of resentments for me.  Why not?  she isn't a real member and will not listen though she faced the same protocols yet was a bit more reserved and unsure of her self.  After the meeting she closed in on me and my "disrespect" when I was speaking with two new comers yet had it lovingly turned back on her...she left and I continued with the new comers.

I thought yesterday chances were that she would still be caught up with justifying her agony and pain and looking still for others to blame and hold hostage...right only it didn't work and the miracle started to happen.  The Serenity on Sunday group can do calm, serene love that is awesome to watch.  They were not patronizing this gal they were gently loving her and remaining detached from giving the meeting away because there were others in the room that needed it.  I was warned that there would be another rant against my disrespect and for me that meant I would have to go to her...she would come at/to me.  I watched her attempt it and handled it with love and acceptance with no judgement at all  just my ESH.

At a certain point I saw that she became unstuck and realized she was being loved and compassionately attended to and had to listen and watch for the clues where it was happening (there are always clues) and the evidence that she was getting it was a smile on her face thru all of the tears and pain and concern.  I saw three of them (thank you God) and smiled myself cause I just love to watch miracles happen.  We need to allow her, her pain and the desire for peace that comes with it...we can do it all together because like MIP we are family and we know how HP wants us to do it and allowed us to learn and practice it.  Awesome!! 

After the meeting the remaining fellowship stayed and discussed what would be good for her and the voices were strident and angry some and demanding and judgmental ....off of program I stayed and stood for her process for the need of recovery and support.  She passed her dis-ease back into the fellowship and I wasn't surprised...how often have we relapsed when we had other choices...LOL    We needed to be there not for her and for ourselves. The bigger miracle is still happening and needs to.  I want to be part of it.

So this morning at breakfast I read the page of the day in "Hope for Today" and the hammer hit the nail dead center.  Go get your Hope For Today and read page 9.  It works when we work it and HP is working it with us.

Thanks for being here for me (((((hugs)))))