The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been attending AA meetings for the past 4 years now and I still struggle with the don't take the first drink deal. I have never been a heavy drinker in my life. The most I ever, ever drank in my life was when I did a 10 day bender. I was able to get up in the morning and attend to business and then then start having a drink in the afternoon after all my business for the day was done. I have been always able to take it or leave it. I can have alcohol around me and not drink it. I have had alcohol in my home up to a year as I just do not want to drink it. I think its just a security thing, that if I want to have a drink, its there, a drink, not an all out bender.
In the AA meetings they appear so focused and afraid of that first drink. I just do not get it. I have seen the effects of what drinking does to people, my goodness, its awful! I know the alcoholic needs the drink but I do not and struggle to understand their mentality. I try and find the commonality but I just do not understand...
I need help in applying the first steps in the AA meetings..I was told to focus instead of alcohol but my unmanageability of people, places and things. I have tried that but when I am asked to speak, I tell them I am an alcoholic but I do not feel I am. I attend the meetings as I am not always able to get to an al-anon meeting during the day, as there is none where I live, most are in the evenings.
I try and explain this to people at an AA meeting that I do not understand the first step of being an alcoholic but they look at me and try and convince me I am an alcoholic. But I do not think or believe I am as I can take it or leave it. Its not a problem to me.
Any feedback would be good to help me understand better. I find I can relate so much more to Al-Anon a lot better than to AA.
Thanks for sharing, I relate to what you share. I am a double winner, sober 6 1/2 years.
I relate completely to Al-anon but not to AA. AA seemed very harsh and pushy to me. I needed the gentleness of Al-anon. Along side ACOA meetings.
AA, to me, seems to suggest to people to focus on helping others to help them stay away from drinking. Helping people too much is my problem. Codependency etc.
I have not worked the Steps with my AA Hat on, only my Al-anon hat on.
Is working for me.
-- Edited by Calm Lady on Sunday 1st of January 2017 01:36:19 PM
Joker, I wonder if this observation will help, which my sponsor shared with me. She said that the focus of the AA program is to save the person's life (which makes sense, as alcoholism is a deadly disease) - and that is why AA may seem so intense. But the focus of Al-Anon is to teach us how to live, which is why it seems to go slower.
Also I've done a lot of reading trying to understand alcoholism, and science seems pretty clear that there is a genetic hereditary difference in people who become unable to control drinking and those who are able to control it. That's why it is hard for a non-alcoholic to understand the alcoholic, as we are built differently.
I am a simple person and am going to try to give a simple answer. In short order, if you are NOT an alcoholic, you will never, ever, ever understand the battle against the compulsion to drink. The first drink is the path to death (that's what we discuss in AA). Alcoholics who do not find recovery end up in one of 3 places - jail, institutions or dead. It's that simple.
I needed to be told exactly what to do and what not to do to get, be and stay sober. I had lived on my own will for so long and it did just about kill me. So, for me (and many other alcoholics), we need ordering around. Once we submit to our powerless we have no earthly idea how to live life without the influence of mind altering substances.
I totally understand why AA members are trying to convince you you might belong....it's very difficult to understand/grasp why anyone for any reason at any time would come to AA meetings if they were not alcoholic. Anyone is welcome to attend open meetings; only Alcoholics should attend closed meetings. If you are being called on to share, you may be in closed meetings...and, truly - unless you have a desire to stop drinking, you really don't belong.
I came to AA first, so the gentle way of Al-Anon was hard for me to grasp. It's funny calm lady that we're opposite that way. I am a rule follower, so my sponsor - with 46 years in Al-Anon and 43 years sober in AA - taught me t stop focusing on others and instead focus on me. Look at me, my actions, my reactions, my feelings, thoughts, insecurities, strengths, etc. and align with a spiritual journey. Treat others as I wish to be treated with no expectations. Live my life always as if it's my last day and stop regretting the past. Love and live in the moment.
If you've landed at AA meetings trying to substitute for Al-Anon meetings, it will probably confuse you. While the steps are the same, the meetings, members, goals, etc. are quite different. For a new member, it would be baffling for sure. I've worked the steps on both sides of the program, and the AA steps helped me deal/heal with my relationship to alcoholic and how it affected other/all areas of my life. The Al-Anon steps helped me deal/heal with my relationship to my own person and how it affected me and my attitudes, actions, reactions, judgments, etc. beyond my life.
That's about as simple as I can respond - I don't even know if it's helpful or not...I do also agree with the genetic component. Neither of my sons ever, ever saw me, their father or another person drop-dead-drunk in their lives, but still were drawn the the life of addiction/alcoholism. Just like me, there was nothing gradual about their disease - the first time they were altered, they wanted that back so bad, they just kept chasing it - and still do...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
