The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want a divorce. After much prayer, program and counseling, I've gotten to a place where I know I want to be by myself. We have been living in parallel for a while now.
I am at peace with this. I'm sad and dreading the technical part of getting through a divorce, and I know in my heart it's the right thing for me. I imagine it will cost me (I am the higher earner) but I know HP is in charge. I want to be fair. I will ask for what I want and leave the rest to HP and the legal system.
I've been married six years, no kids involved, so I'm hoping for a quick resolution. The first step is saying the words. I can't say them in a mean way, that's just not me, and I'm relying on HP to get me through. I'm so used to taking care of my AH that I'm more worried about the impact to him than anything. He keeps suggesting divorce, so he probably won't be surprised. I don't have everything figured out. I don't feel unsafe. I know I will be OK.I am so grateful for the ESH I've found here and in my meetings. One day at a time will work for this also. Happy New Year, everyone. Cathy
I so understand as I have been there myself. Practicing TRUST in Higher Power results in calmness for me. I still remember walking through the parking lot and into my attorney's office with my calm knowing, connected to Higher Power... letting go of the fear and letting God have all of my attention... absolutely.
God bless you throughout the new year, and always (((Cathy)))
been there also. good thoughts sent to u also. esh would be to take care of yourself well which also means to cut yourself a break through the hard parts.
(((Cathy))) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers! I love how you ended and you are spot on - One Day at a Time is so special as it relates to all areas of my life. Know we're here for you however we can be! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Conversation went well. Neither of us is a shouter. I spoke very plainly, kept it about me. He asked me if it was about the smoking (pot). I said no. We kind of went our separate ways yesterday. I don't have immediate plans to move out, and he didn't talk about leaving. Said he would like to keep the house. I said I'm willing to work with him on it, since I don't have an emotional attachment to it.
Today, he had questions. Why? He's not physically or verbally abusive. After I said he wasn't present in the relationship, he stopped passing out at night. So, why do I want to leave? Seems radical to him. He's made changes and we've been seeing a marriage counselor. I listened, validated his feelings and didn't get hooked into taking care of him. Maybe I really didn't want to be married back when we got married six years ago? Maybe I can't be with any man? Do I need this for my healing? (This is all happening because my father molested me.) What kind of therapy doesn't help to heal you in the environment that you're in? Seems like a radical move.
I was amazed and grateful that I could sit there with steady pulse and dry palms, listen and not let my ego take over. I did point out that he has mentioned divorce many times over the past months. I said I didn't want to bring it up unless I was sure. I reminded him that I had shared many times my uncertainty and doubts about the marriage.
I don't feel the need to rush or push. I can let this unfold. I suppose I will contact an attorney for some guidance. In the meantime, I can clean out some closets. There's plenty to do around here. One day at a time.
(((Mcat54))) - I agree with Betty - you done great....sending you tons of positive energy, thoughts and prayers.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
