I am grateful this week is coming to an end. Its been insanely busy for me. My mind has been all over the place and my to do list just keeps growing, but I was able to get what had to be done this week accomplished. Its a great feeling. Wednesday I thought I would die. My body hurt all over so bad no amount of any pain killers was stopping the pain. I nearly called an ambulance and went to the emergency for pain killer. I have been sick since Christmas, pain in my knees bad and now the pain has taken over my body. Its like hot needles going through my whole body. I went and got some detox tea, dandelion tea from the Chinese herbal store and it helped a tiny bit to lower the pain. I went and seen the doctor yesterday and he ordered a number of blood tests on me and ex-rays and sent me to see a specialist. I am to return to work after being off for nearly 2 years as I got severely sick, and nearly died. I have had 3 surgeries in less then 2 years related to my stomack. Yesterday, I broke down crying in the doctors office as just as I get better from one thing another starts. I just had my third surgery in November and now I am getting better finally from that and now this body pain starts.

I know the doctor believes me based on my past and complaining of pain in my stomack and then finding something wrong. I am frustrated as I thought I was healing and ready for work and now this starts. I will go back to doctor on Monday and see what the next steps are to be.

The doctor said, we will write a letter to work and you are not to return to work yet. I am in a way relieved as I can work on getting my body healthy, yet I worry about finances. I get disability funds from work, but I need to work, as it provides more money. The abf is also off work and we are together 24 hours a day, its driving me nuts.

Because of the pain in my body its hard for me to do anything, even walk. I was directed by my sponsor to get to more meetings but that is off the table now. I am so frustrated. I keep thinking, this shall pass, this shall pass.. 

the ABF has been supportive with my illness and he remains sober! Its been since Boxing day since he sobered up. He has been reading the bible daily and on Tuesday Night we went to a prayer service. Was great!

Tonight, he wants to attend a church service, I do not not know if I can make it. Depends on the pain in my body!

I am working really hard to focus on just today, just today, and I am getting there. I really need to stop thinking of all I have to do, it makes me nuts. I just need to focus...on today and let the rest go!

I just wanted to share my feelings this morning and I have been reading on line here daily all the messages, It helps so much!

If anyone has the possible same medical symptoms as I do, please let me know what i could be...and how to deal with it in the meantime. My body is starting to burn up again as I write this and even wearing clothes feel like hot sand paper on my body, my knees and back feel like there is fire in them. And I have had my hand,arms swell up too.

thanks,