The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A few days ago, my AH relapsed. All the old feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, fear and frustration came up. I know I shouldn't talk to a person who is has been drinking but I did and it didn't have a good outcome. I know better. The next day we talked a little and I also sent him an E-mail to express my feelings. I am tired of this. We are supposed to be patient and supportive - I feel neither-do I put on an act when I don't feel that way? Isn't that being disloyal to myself when we are supposed to be taking care of ourselves?
The fellowship and a good sponsor are the best places in my long experience to take this condition...Sponsors practice the program and often more well than others and they have also the wide experiences of situations such as relapse either with the alcoholic or with themselves. Yes Noners also relapse...we go back to old non-working ways and end up in the same mud hole we were in when we first arrived to program. Relapse is part of the progressiveness of our disease and without helps it gets worse.
Good on you bringing your situation home for comment from the family. Have you found your Higher Power and do you have literature and phone numbers to call??
Try reading the merrygoround called denial, its really cheap wee pamphlet on the alanon website. Alcoholics want the 'conversation' they want the whole, you did .... and you made me feel.... and you need to change this and that. Providing it is dangerous as it enables the disease to continue and thrive in both of you. Words are cheap, are useless where alcoholism lives. Its action that makes the difference and is life changing. Learn about it at alanon meetings.
Hi Wife, In answer to your question:" Should you pretend and put on a happy face after hubby's relapse"? The answer is absolutely not.
Alanon suggests that we not React but Respond to situations. To keep from reacting we can use a slogan repeated over and over, in our mind and then." say what we mean and mean what we say without saying it mean". You can walk int anothr room in order to not explode as well.
