Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

It's been awhile since I've posted, but I still try to check in here now and then. Today is my twin daughters' 30th birthday. One of my twins is my qualifier. We have been in very little contact since my AH's passing four years ago. She continues to play the victim and still blames my AH's death on my leavin...

At a crossroads · At a crossroads

Hello, I'm new to Al Anon. I haven't attended a meeting yet, but plan to do so soon. I have an AH, who just started drinking again. We have been married less than 3 years. I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we married. Soon into the marriage he became an active drinker, and then it all came out. He has been...

VickiR · VickiR

Tonight I couldn't help myself. My AH called around the time he was supposed to be home to say "oh still at the office having an important meeting" (yes like almost every night, and these meetings are always at a bar) - he swore up and down he was still at the office and not a bar. Annoyed I moved on, but then h...

Cathyinaz · Cathyinaz

Dear Family I lost my beautiful son tonight. He is finally at peace. I'm lost Oh God let him be happy

Lee51 · Lee51

I attended my first meeting on Monday and my second last evening. I'm hopeful that being in a supportive environment will help me work through my issues. It has been exhausting trying to keep up an appearance of normalcy. Like many families, problems weren't talked about much in my family; everyone w...

Iamhere · Iamhere

Good morning/afternoon all - sorry for the late daily - my morning has gone different than planned! Today's reading talks about how we improve in our responses, relationships and intuition with recovery. We consider responding with kindness when we are uncertain because - why not? We also can ac...

WhewWee · WhewWee

My abf broke up with me. I'm not surprised. I've been trying to detach for a while, because I know this is ultimately what's best for me. I couldn't even say that I would have fallen in even the top four things that matter to him in his life. He had no future plans for us. I could tell that he didn't truly care a...

VickiR · VickiR

Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...

Aline · Aline

Hi all, I want to share my story (so far). I had been living with my ABF for close to 10 years and we've been together since I was 16, so for around 12 years now. We used to drink together, the two of us or in larger company, a lot and often, but I didn't see a big problem with that for a long time. At some point I re...

El · El

I am trying to apply program tools to all areas of my life; I want to improve all relationships and be the best me that I can. I am really struggling with my brother and his obvious disinterest in what is happening here with his family; meaning our elderly mother and myself. He lives out of state and comes t...

wifeofalcoholic · wifeofalcoholic

I have often thought about alcoholism being a disease. I don't struggle with the label but I do struggle with all the differences of what family members go through. Let me list them: 1. Alcoholics lie about many things 2. Alcoholics keep secrets 3. Alcoholics apologize for their condition 4. ...

MissKid · MissKid

Hello all! I am 53 and have been in relationships with A's my whole life. It started with my father, then mother and step father. My first marriage was to an emotionally unavailable man (I was pregnant.) My second was to a momma's boy. My third to the very definition of an addict. I, too, tend to have an add...

Tthump · Tthump

I'm at a loss...I go to meetings. I listen. I apply what I hear. But sometimes circumstances .. Situations...Feel hopeless...My son's decisions do affect me..They affect my grandchild..They affect my relationship with my grandchild..It's just a vicious circle of swirling s**t...And it's very...

Rickbrins · Rickbrins

I failed myself and my recovering AGf today... This was my first trip away from home since she finished her 90 day in house rehab. I failed and resorted to my old ways of tracking and questioning. I lost my focus. She was doing what she felt necessary for her recovery and all I could see was her going back to...

Mattie · Mattie

I mentioned earlier that my ex-AH is staying with us for a while to see our kid. He is a binge drinker and he is not drinking at this particular juncture - in fact he is so feeble that I would be surprised if he could get out to buy any alcohol. We don't have a car and although we are in a city, I think the neares...

KT2015 · KT2015

I've been trying to write this post on and off for more than a week but I just can't figure out exactly what the point of it is. So I keep deleting it and starting over. This time I am going to get it out. I feel like I'm starting to accept that my AH is in fact an AH and that our relationship isn't healthy. ...

runi · runi

what is denial and what does it look like in daily life? detachment with love? when is it denial and when is it detachment and how do i tell the difference.

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Who of us hasn't felt despair at one time or another, especially before recovery: the feeling of hopelessness and no way out. Today's page describes despair as an absence of faith, felt when we expect solutions to come only from us. Perhaps we lost our faith, maybe we never had it. AlAnon gives us the op...

a4l · a4l

Coming out of denial is a bit like chipping off a cast. At first, little pieces come away and you can see the bits underneath. You keep chipping away, little pieces keep falling, then get bigger. Keep chipping, chipping then in a soft but fast crumble, the whole thing is revealed and its Very different t...

MissM · MissM

HE has a court-date tomorrow morning. I've been worried about it and the high potential for jail-time, but when I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago he told me he'd spoken to a lawyer who said he was sure he could get an adjournment as he needed time to review the case etc. So I put it out of my mind until there w...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I'm adjusting to a new norm of having someone who steps in where in the moment don't have the ability to always be there. I enjoy some aspects of it .. however I still have triggers that are very valid based upon the issue of dealing with someone who lacks common sense and was in an altered state of mind. T...

Hoot Nanny · Hoot Nanny

What a beautiful day! I just want to share my day w you. The sun is shining on this beautiful spring day. I am so excited to get out & enjoy the sunshine. We have had a long winter & it is time to get out finally! I am so grateful for anything positive that happens to me. It is my God-given gift to share t...

_bunny_ · _bunny_

Al-Anon provides me with simple tools to make my life more manageable. But sometimes I make it complicated, by overthinking a process, a step or a slogan making them complex and confusing. I get stuck in my head and I'm unable to move forward in my recovery. This is when I have to remind myself to "keep it...

pumkin26 · pumkin26

So yesterday I found myself in a mess of my own doing. Wallowing and such... I quickly recognized and tried to change my attitude around. Jump to today. Sundays are always the hardest. I wake up with anxiety wondering if my A was going to follow thru on plans and promises he has made to the boys. Today is no...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning Everyone: Today's reading is about the influence of alcoholism on our feelings. Do we try to draw attention to ourselves? Do we avoid having attention on ourselves? Do we try to control and manage our feelings? Personally there are two points that stand out to me in today's reading- one...

Iamhere · Iamhere

We all know, experience and hear how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is.....For me, yesterday was an interesting day. I say interesting instead of maddening, sad, crazy, insane as it was all that and then some. I'll be as brief as I can - nobody likes to read long, long posts. My oldest so...

Foomamapop · Foomamapop

This is my first post, I've read many of yours and hope I'm following group guidelines. I've been to two meetings the last two weeks after avoiding them for months. I suppose I don't want to admit that this is my new normal, that this did indeed happen in my life. I have an AH who was mostly sober for 13 years...

lookingup · lookingup

Today I'd like to share on the 3 As and people pleasing,and jade. ive come to realize that I am still a people pleaser even when sick,and then jump to jadeing ,justifieing defending and explaining as to why I can't do some things when I'm sick,as in not get out around others to spread my virus,or just real...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

I seem to attract difficult people who have little to do with me in all reality. They always seem to be on the outskirts of my life. The good news is I am learning that trying to talk rationally to some of them is like arguing with a fence post .. and as someone very close and wise recently pointed out to me ....

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

Briefly, my A is being discharged today, after weeks in detox followed by in-patient. He'll be doing out-patient at the same facility, but we pick him up tonight after that. My son is worried...rightly so...about "who" is coming home. And you know what? So am I. I've had my ups and downs this who...

shrnp · shrnp

Today my A ex=bf called me and started talking about how I do not want to see him. Last night he was depressed and called me. I actually have not said that I did not want to see him, I just do not want him spending the night at my house. He does not drive and he is expecting to be able to get someone to drop him off a...

Enigmatic · Enigmatic

Today's author notes how we may view ourselves as victims, especially as it relates to the effects of the disease of alcoholism. Work in Steps 4 and 8 can help us see and address where we, too, have caused harm to others. This is an opportunity for balance, for not swinging from one extreme to the other by...

SerenityRUS · SerenityRUS

One thing that keeps coming back to the forefront of my mind is how I teach others to treat me. The biggest thing I ask myself is what would I say to my best friend if she came to me telling me the same story? Since finding Alanon it is easier to be gentle with myself and ask harder questions in terms of if thi...

SoLost · SoLost

WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her bir...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for April 9 talks about being in a crisis that lasts for what seems like an eternity. When we are involved with these difficult experiences, we can find no escape and the problem occupies our thoughts continually. This is the time that we must remind ourselves that we need to recal...

makebelieve11 · makebelieve11

So this weekend, hubby and I need to call the A (hubby's brother) and the A's fiancee and let them both know very clearly that we will not be paying A's bills, handling his paperwork, finding new housing for him, or all the other myriad things that A has chosen not to take care of while he drinks and gambles...

lookingup · lookingup

ive heard a lot of folks talking about being sick all the time around my town,with upper respiratory infections,stomach problems. same with me,now it's eco me a concern of mine, i live in a small town,old house. a year ago,a man had to go up into my attic,(very small crawl space), when he came down he imm...

Junenine · Junenine

in despair. my partner/fiance has been sober 5 months. yesterday he broke into my phone and read my journal. we've been down this road before. previously he broke into my computer, put in spyware, altered my contacts, then wrote to my ex boyfriend to try to replace some information he had deleted. he w...

MissM · MissM

I had the most ridiculous conversation with my drunk mother. When she dies, she wants champagne and flowers and she doesn't ever want to be buried with the spiders and the slimy things and yuk. Then she spoke of my death like it's going to happen next week. She asked me to plan my tombstone. What do I want i...

VickiR · VickiR

I am asking for help here, I have seen messages from other members talking about minimizing the terrible financial toll of an alcoholic spouse and I need some guidance! My husband has been out of control with money for a while - pretty sure he is racking up a personal line of credit at the moment. Is it w...

Marie71 · Marie71

Last Staurday, the people I live with went to a wedding. As some of you know the husband's mom lives here and has dementia. In lieu of rent I take care of her while they are gone out to work, dinner, etc. The wedding was at 5. But that morning, they both got up showered and got ready and the woman informed me...

Bon17 · Bon17

This is my first time posting. I've only been to 2 meetings, but I could immediately tell I was in the right place. My 32 year old brother and my father are both alcoholics. My brother lives with my parents (major enablers) and recently I've been working on my own boundaries - taking more space from them....

Iamhere · Iamhere

Today's reading discusses humor, expectations and right-sizing our life and recovery. It gives an example of a member anticipating speaking at a meeting. She envisions a large group of serious minded members, in a perfect location with a perfect format. She of course gives a marvelous share co...

katiebug76 · katiebug76

My little brother was a wonderful person, and an alcoholic. He passed away suddenly last November. He had lived with my alcoholic parents and took care of a lot for them...cleaning, yard work, etc. I have talked to my parents every day since he passed away, and I get very anxious when I call and leave a m...

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

So for those of you who read my first post, you'll know that I've been in panic-mode a bit after the last contact with my A who is currently in rehab. While in intensive detox, he was communicating with me daily. But when he transitioned into rehab they cut off all his contact. A very combative phone cal...

PosiesandPuppies · PosiesandPuppies

Before I posted this, I was reading other posts, trying to absorb some ESH. So thank you all for posting... it helps more than you know... or maybe you all DO know! Why was this day a "resentment" day? Mainly b/c I get so sick and tired of my AH focusing on himself all. the. time. My AH works very weird hour...

Helpangel · Helpangel

Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to tell kids. My daughter is 9 and her biological father has been terrible with her and she thinks of her step dad as her best daddy. However, he is a alcoholic that just can't stay dry longer than a couple of months. He moved out before and she begg...

Iamhere · Iamhere

I love how the daily readings always seem to align with what I need to hear - one day at a time. Today's reading in Courage is about Alcoholism being a family disease. Because this sums it all up, I am starting with Today's reminder - "My acceptance of this family disease allows me to stop wasting energy...

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

Logged on to social media today and clicked through to an friend's engagement video...and felt so defeated and loveless and unloveable. Because there's part of me that can state unequivocally that I don't have that kind of relationship. Mine isn't founded in joyful moments anymore. Mine's g...

ForwardMotion · ForwardMotion

New here, and coping but not really succeeding at much more than that. Brief recap:left an extremely abusive marriage to an addict many years ago. Stayed resolutely single whilst working on self and raising special needs son. Five years in, fell in love and took the risk. Fast forward to a decade...

SoLost · SoLost

Hello - I just recently found this message board and have read some wonderfully helpful things here. My AH is on another terror. I'm doing my best not to react but he's pushing me to the limit. He's got a great job, if he actually went to it and wasn't hung over he could make a ton of money. Instead he ju...

runi · runi

2 adults live in my home. they drink most nights, i have never seen them drunk. but.......their drinking bothers me. i do not drink one of their children is getting into trouble with substance. when they moved in i said i liked my home a safe non alcoholic home and asked them to consider that. they...

jenn6 · jenn6

I am new to Alanon. i am struggling terribly depression anger resentment. my husband went to rehab sept 2016 to mid november 2016, to get off his fentanyl patch due to severe work place accident, he is alcoholic. angry drunk. I also live with 2 of my 4 teenagers. my daughter was raped in 2014 and been down...

thekentuckygent · thekentuckygent

I'm at a loss and am completely exhausted after a few days in hell with my AXBF. Long story short, we've been dating long distance for 8 months. He lost his job (due to his step-dad, not himself), and I offered for him to move in with me (I know, I know) because I thought maybe being in the same city would mak...

a4l · a4l

I'm so over it. Not that i don't recognise it in my alanon self, because boy do I, but this is a written antidote to swallowing the lie. We are all ok and safe and getting on our feet. Actually there's a lot to be grateful for, i need to remind myself of that. Over here, they tend very well to the physical set u...

Curlyblu · Curlyblu

This may end up being a long post.......needing to get a few things off my chest. Mostly because I am learning....less about my A (the 3Cs) so the focus is more on me. I started off this past weekend doing a special day for my youngest two and visiting with my oldest who I don't get to see that often (or I sho...

Mandi2413 · Mandi2413

I recently started seeing a male friend of mine but it started during a bad time in his life and he ultimately ended up in rehab. He is now in intensive outpatient at the facility and has his phone. Everytime i reach out he seems angry with me. I know this is to be expected and he has voiced frustration wit...

VickiR · VickiR

Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...

Marie71 · Marie71

I went to my first meeting last night, it was great, everyone was so kind. I was reading the detachment paper, and it says don't prevent a crisis if it is the natural order of events. Here's the thing, I an not with my A, but because many of my issues (control, people pleasing) have carried into my relati...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	AD Estrangement Continues (Preview) It's been awhile since I've posted, but I still try to check in here now and then. Today is my twin daughters' 30th birthday. One of my twins is my qualifier. We have been in very little contact since my AH's passing four years ago. She continues to play the victim and still blames my AH's death on my leavin...	Green Eyes	7	653	Apr 14, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	Decisions-Need Advice (Preview) Hello, I'm new to Al Anon. I haven't attended a meeting yet, but plan to do so soon. I have an AH, who just started drinking again. We have been married less than 3 years. I didn't know he was an alcoholic when we married. Soon into the marriage he became an active drinker, and then it all came out. He has been...	At a crossroads	22	817	Apr 14, 2017 by Iamhere
	I got sucked in (Preview) Tonight I couldn't help myself. My AH called around the time he was supposed to be home to say "oh still at the office having an important meeting" (yes like almost every night, and these meetings are always at a bar) - he swore up and down he was still at the office and not a bar. Annoyed I moved on, but then h...	VickiR	3	505	Apr 14, 2017 by VickiR
	My Son ( 1 2 ) (Preview) Dear Family I lost my beautiful son tonight. He is finally at peace. I'm lost Oh God let him be happy	Cathyinaz	50	6439	Apr 14, 2017 by WhewWee
	New to Al Anon - Already a Bump (Preview) I attended my first meeting on Monday and my second last evening. I'm hopeful that being in a supportive environment will help me work through my issues. It has been exhausting trying to keep up an appearance of normalcy. Like many families, problems weren't talked about much in my family; everyone w...	Lee51	12	670	Apr 13, 2017 by Lee51
	Courage to Change (C2C) 4/13/17 (Preview) Good morning/afternoon all - sorry for the late daily - my morning has gone different than planned! Today's reading talks about how we improve in our responses, relationships and intuition with recovery. We consider responding with kindness when we are uncertain because - why not? We also can ac...	Iamhere	2	368	Apr 13, 2017 by Enigmatic
	Super Sad Newbie (Preview) My abf broke up with me. I'm not surprised. I've been trying to detach for a while, because I know this is ultimately what's best for me. I couldn't even say that I would have fallen in even the top four things that matter to him in his life. He had no future plans for us. I could tell that he didn't truly care a...	WhewWee	10	602	Apr 13, 2017 by pinkchip
	Detachment = coldness (Preview) Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...	VickiR	12	773	Apr 13, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	My story (Preview) Hi all, I want to share my story (so far). I had been living with my ABF for close to 10 years and we've been together since I was 16, so for around 12 years now. We used to drink together, the two of us or in larger company, a lot and often, but I didn't see a big problem with that for a long time. At some point I re...	Aline	7	622	Apr 13, 2017 by Aline
	Powerless over everyone -ESH? (Preview) I am trying to apply program tools to all areas of my life; I want to improve all relationships and be the best me that I can. I am really struggling with my brother and his obvious disinterest in what is happening here with his family; meaning our elderly mother and myself. He lives out of state and comes t...	El	8	430	Apr 13, 2017 by El
	Alcoholism is a disease (Preview) I have often thought about alcoholism being a disease. I don't struggle with the label but I do struggle with all the differences of what family members go through. Let me list them: 1. Alcoholics lie about many things 2. Alcoholics keep secrets 3. Alcoholics apologize for their condition 4. ...	wifeofalcoholic	5	407	Apr 13, 2017 by el-cee
	New to the program, not the disease (Preview) Hello all! I am 53 and have been in relationships with A's my whole life. It started with my father, then mother and step father. My first marriage was to an emotionally unavailable man (I was pregnant.) My second was to a momma's boy. My third to the very definition of an addict. I, too, tend to have an add...	MissKid	3	513	Apr 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	I'm hurting right now (Preview) I'm at a loss...I go to meetings. I listen. I apply what I hear. But sometimes circumstances .. Situations...Feel hopeless...My son's decisions do affect me..They affect my grandchild..They affect my relationship with my grandchild..It's just a vicious circle of swirling s**t...And it's very...	Tthump	14	512	Apr 12, 2017 by Cathyinaz
	Serenity obliterated today (Preview) I failed myself and my recovering AGf today... This was my first trip away from home since she finished her 90 day in house rehab. I failed and resorted to my old ways of tracking and questioning. I lost my focus. She was doing what she felt necessary for her recovery and all I could see was her going back to...	Rickbrins	17	566	Apr 12, 2017 by Rickbrins
	Compulsive behavior (Preview) I mentioned earlier that my ex-AH is staying with us for a while to see our kid. He is a binge drinker and he is not drinking at this particular juncture - in fact he is so feeble that I would be surprised if he could get out to buy any alcohol. We don't have a car and although we are in a city, I think the neares...	Mattie	7	518	Apr 12, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	tired of living with Alcoholism (Preview) I've been trying to write this post on and off for more than a week but I just can't figure out exactly what the point of it is. So I keep deleting it and starting over. This time I am going to get it out. I feel like I'm starting to accept that my AH is in fact an AH and that our relationship isn't healthy. ...	KT2015	11	566	Apr 12, 2017 by Bo
	what is denial??? (Preview) what is denial and what does it look like in daily life? detachment with love? when is it denial and when is it detachment and how do i tell the difference.	runi	8	679	Apr 12, 2017 by Bo
	4/12/17 One Day at a Time in AlAnon (Preview) Who of us hasn't felt despair at one time or another, especially before recovery: the feeling of hopelessness and no way out. Today's page describes despair as an absence of faith, felt when we expect solutions to come only from us. Perhaps we lost our faith, maybe we never had it. AlAnon gives us the op...	Enigmatic	3	595	Apr 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	can't look away. long long reflection (Preview) Coming out of denial is a bit like chipping off a cast. At first, little pieces come away and you can see the bits underneath. You keep chipping away, little pieces keep falling, then get bigger. Keep chipping, chipping then in a soft but fast crumble, the whole thing is revealed and its Very different t...	a4l	3	437	Apr 12, 2017 by Iamhere
	Now I'm the selfish jerk. Ugh. (Preview) HE has a court-date tomorrow morning. I've been worried about it and the high potential for jail-time, but when I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago he told me he'd spoken to a lawyer who said he was sure he could get an adjournment as he needed time to review the case etc. So I put it out of my mind until there w...	MissM	6	768	Apr 12, 2017 by Mattie
	Kids and Medicine (Preview) I'm adjusting to a new norm of having someone who steps in where in the moment don't have the ability to always be there. I enjoy some aspects of it .. however I still have triggers that are very valid based upon the issue of dealing with someone who lacks common sense and was in an altered state of mind. T...	SerenityRUS	5	383	Apr 12, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	I am stoked! (Preview) What a beautiful day! I just want to share my day w you. The sun is shining on this beautiful spring day. I am so excited to get out & enjoy the sunshine. We have had a long winter & it is time to get out finally! I am so grateful for anything positive that happens to me. It is my God-given gift to share t...	Hoot Nanny	4	529	Apr 12, 2017 by milkwood
	Sometimes I complicate it (Preview) Al-Anon provides me with simple tools to make my life more manageable. But sometimes I make it complicated, by overthinking a process, a step or a slogan making them complex and confusing. I get stuck in my head and I'm unable to move forward in my recovery. This is when I have to remind myself to "keep it...	_bunny_	4	596	Apr 11, 2017 by Stan1
	my anxiety response to the anger, help! (Preview) So yesterday I found myself in a mess of my own doing. Wallowing and such... I quickly recognized and tried to change my attitude around. Jump to today. Sundays are always the hardest. I wake up with anxiety wondering if my A was going to follow thru on plans and promises he has made to the boys. Today is no...	pumkin26	21	723	Apr 11, 2017 by pumkin26
	Apr 11 hope for Today (Preview) Good morning Everyone: Today's reading is about the influence of alcoholism on our feelings. Do we try to draw attention to ourselves? Do we avoid having attention on ourselves? Do we try to control and manage our feelings? Personally there are two points that stand out to me in today's reading- one...	yanksfan51	2	417	Apr 11, 2017 by Iamhere
	The Insanity of the Disease.... (Preview) We all know, experience and hear how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease is.....For me, yesterday was an interesting day. I say interesting instead of maddening, sad, crazy, insane as it was all that and then some. I'll be as brief as I can - nobody likes to read long, long posts. My oldest so...	Iamhere	32	986	Apr 10, 2017 by Iamhere
	This isn't the roller coaster I want to ride (Preview) This is my first post, I've read many of yours and hope I'm following group guidelines. I've been to two meetings the last two weeks after avoiding them for months. I suppose I don't want to admit that this is my new normal, that this did indeed happen in my life. I have an AH who was mostly sober for 13 years...	Foomamapop	5	396	Apr 10, 2017 by Jerry F
	Awareness,acceptance,action and people pleasing (Preview) Today I'd like to share on the 3 As and people pleasing,and jade. ive come to realize that I am still a people pleaser even when sick,and then jump to jadeing ,justifieing defending and explaining as to why I can't do some things when I'm sick,as in not get out around others to spread my virus,or just real...	lookingup	8	445	Apr 10, 2017 by lookingup
	Arguing with a fence post .. (Preview) I seem to attract difficult people who have little to do with me in all reality. They always seem to be on the outskirts of my life. The good news is I am learning that trying to talk rationally to some of them is like arguing with a fence post .. and as someone very close and wise recently pointed out to me ....	SerenityRUS	3	525	Apr 10, 2017 by a4l
	Nervous... (Preview) Briefly, my A is being discharged today, after weeks in detox followed by in-patient. He'll be doing out-patient at the same facility, but we pick him up tonight after that. My son is worried...rightly so...about "who" is coming home. And you know what? So am I. I've had my ups and downs this who...	ForwardMotion	3	496	Apr 10, 2017 by shrnp
	A wolf in sheep's clothing (Preview) Today my A ex=bf called me and started talking about how I do not want to see him. Last night he was depressed and called me. I actually have not said that I did not want to see him, I just do not want him spending the night at my house. He does not drive and he is expecting to be able to get someone to drop him off a...	shrnp	4	400	Apr 10, 2017 by shrnp
	4/10/17 Courage to Change (Preview) Today's author notes how we may view ourselves as victims, especially as it relates to the effects of the disease of alcoholism. Work in Steps 4 and 8 can help us see and address where we, too, have caused harm to others. This is an opportunity for balance, for not swinging from one extreme to the other by...	Enigmatic	4	536	Apr 10, 2017 by Iamhere
	How we teach others to treat us .. (Preview) One thing that keeps coming back to the forefront of my mind is how I teach others to treat me. The biggest thing I ask myself is what would I say to my best friend if she came to me telling me the same story? Since finding Alanon it is easier to be gentle with myself and ask harder questions in terms of if thi...	SerenityRUS	9	720	Apr 10, 2017 by KT2015
	Oh the Anger.... (Preview) WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her bir...	SoLost	2	505	Apr 10, 2017 by hotrod
	Did You Ever Consider This? (Preview) My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent...	PosiesandPuppies	6	562	Apr 10, 2017 by PosiesandPuppies
	Odat Reading (4-9-2017) (Preview) The ODA T reading for April 9 talks about being in a crisis that lasts for what seems like an eternity. When we are involved with these difficult experiences, we can find no escape and the problem occupies our thoughts continually. This is the time that we must remind ourselves that we need to recal...	hotrod	6	502	Apr 9, 2017 by lookingup
	Feeling like a jerk (Preview) So this weekend, hubby and I need to call the A (hubby's brother) and the A's fiancee and let them both know very clearly that we will not be paying A's bills, handling his paperwork, finding new housing for him, or all the other myriad things that A has chosen not to take care of while he drinks and gambles...	makebelieve11	6	544	Apr 9, 2017 by Lyne
	Being and staying sick (Preview) ive heard a lot of folks talking about being sick all the time around my town,with upper respiratory infections,stomach problems. same with me,now it's eco me a concern of mine, i live in a small town,old house. a year ago,a man had to go up into my attic,(very small crawl space), when he came down he imm...	lookingup	4	537	Apr 9, 2017 by lookingup
	the straw breaking my back (Preview) in despair. my partner/fiance has been sober 5 months. yesterday he broke into my phone and read my journal. we've been down this road before. previously he broke into my computer, put in spyware, altered my contacts, then wrote to my ex boyfriend to try to replace some information he had deleted. he w...	Junenine	13	737	Apr 8, 2017 by Junenine
	stuff (Preview) I had the most ridiculous conversation with my drunk mother. When she dies, she wants champagne and flowers and she doesn't ever want to be buried with the spiders and the slimy things and yuk. Then she spoke of my death like it's going to happen next week. She asked me to plan my tombstone. What do I want i...	MissM	3	611	Apr 8, 2017 by 2HP
	Financial advice please! (Preview) I am asking for help here, I have seen messages from other members talking about minimizing the terrible financial toll of an alcoholic spouse and I need some guidance! My husband has been out of control with money for a while - pretty sure he is racking up a personal line of credit at the moment. Is it w...	VickiR	7	621	Apr 8, 2017 by VickiR
	Something is bugging me (Preview) Last Staurday, the people I live with went to a wedding. As some of you know the husband's mom lives here and has dementia. In lieu of rent I take care of her while they are gone out to work, dinner, etc. The wedding was at 5. But that morning, they both got up showered and got ready and the woman informed me...	Marie71	7	637	Apr 8, 2017 by Marie71
	Tonight, I did things differently (Preview) This is my first time posting. I've only been to 2 meetings, but I could immediately tell I was in the right place. My 32 year old brother and my father are both alcoholics. My brother lives with my parents (major enablers) and recently I've been working on my own boundaries - taking more space from them....	Bon17	3	526	Apr 7, 2017 by shrnp
	Courage to Change (C2C) 4/7/17 (Preview) Today's reading discusses humor, expectations and right-sizing our life and recovery. It gives an example of a member anticipating speaking at a meeting. She envisions a large group of serious minded members, in a perfect location with a perfect format. She of course gives a marvelous share co...	Iamhere	3	522	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Anxiety!!! (Preview) My little brother was a wonderful person, and an alcoholic. He passed away suddenly last November. He had lived with my alcoholic parents and took care of a lot for them...cleaning, yard work, etc. I have talked to my parents every day since he passed away, and I get very anxious when I call and leave a m...	katiebug76	9	897	Apr 7, 2017 by katiebug76
	Learning, forgetting, relearning... (Preview) So for those of you who read my first post, you'll know that I've been in panic-mode a bit after the last contact with my A who is currently in rehab. While in intensive detox, he was communicating with me daily. But when he transitioned into rehab they cut off all his contact. A very combative phone cal...	ForwardMotion	1	530	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Today was a day for resentment (Preview) Before I posted this, I was reading other posts, trying to absorb some ESH. So thank you all for posting... it helps more than you know... or maybe you all DO know! Why was this day a "resentment" day? Mainly b/c I get so sick and tired of my AH focusing on himself all. the. time. My AH works very weird hour...	PosiesandPuppies	5	575	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Explaining ah is leaving to a 9 year old (Preview) Hi everyone! I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to tell kids. My daughter is 9 and her biological father has been terrible with her and she thinks of her step dad as her best daddy. However, he is a alcoholic that just can't stay dry longer than a couple of months. He moved out before and she begg...	Helpangel	6	531	Apr 7, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	Courage to Change (C2C) 4/6/17 (Preview) I love how the daily readings always seem to align with what I need to hear - one day at a time. Today's reading in Courage is about Alcoholism being a family disease. Because this sums it all up, I am starting with Today's reminder - "My acceptance of this family disease allows me to stop wasting energy...	Iamhere	9	505	Apr 7, 2017 by Iamhere
	Little heartbreaks... (Preview) Logged on to social media today and clicked through to an friend's engagement video...and felt so defeated and loveless and unloveable. Because there's part of me that can state unequivocally that I don't have that kind of relationship. Mine isn't founded in joyful moments anymore. Mine's g...	ForwardMotion	6	491	Apr 7, 2017 by ForwardMotion
	New to the forum, old to the story (Preview) New here, and coping but not really succeeding at much more than that. Brief recap:left an extremely abusive marriage to an addict many years ago. Stayed resolutely single whilst working on self and raising special needs son. Five years in, fell in love and took the risk. Fast forward to a decade...	ForwardMotion	15	681	Apr 7, 2017 by ForwardMotion
	At the end of my rope (Preview) Hello - I just recently found this message board and have read some wonderfully helpful things here. My AH is on another terror. I'm doing my best not to react but he's pushing me to the limit. He's got a great job, if he actually went to it and wasn't hung over he could make a ton of money. Instead he ju...	SoLost	7	636	Apr 6, 2017 by SoLost
	2 adults living with me drink, influencing their children (Preview) 2 adults live in my home. they drink most nights, i have never seen them drunk. but.......their drinking bothers me. i do not drink one of their children is getting into trouble with substance. when they moved in i said i liked my home a safe non alcoholic home and asked them to consider that. they...	runi	3	530	Apr 6, 2017 by a4l
	help i need advice (Preview) I am new to Alanon. i am struggling terribly depression anger resentment. my husband went to rehab sept 2016 to mid november 2016, to get off his fentanyl patch due to severe work place accident, he is alcoholic. angry drunk. I also live with 2 of my 4 teenagers. my daughter was raped in 2014 and been down...	jenn6	5	657	Apr 6, 2017 by jenn6
	Love the Addict, Hate the Disease (Preview) I'm at a loss and am completely exhausted after a few days in hell with my AXBF. Long story short, we've been dating long distance for 8 months. He lost his job (due to his step-dad, not himself), and I offered for him to move in with me (I know, I know) because I thought maybe being in the same city would mak...	thekentuckygent	5	579	Apr 6, 2017 by milkwood
	terminal uniqueness (Preview) I'm so over it. Not that i don't recognise it in my alanon self, because boy do I, but this is a written antidote to swallowing the lie. We are all ok and safe and getting on our feet. Actually there's a lot to be grateful for, i need to remind myself of that. Over here, they tend very well to the physical set u...	a4l	6	834	Apr 6, 2017 by _bunny_
	So thankful for the tools I have learnt (Preview) This may end up being a long post.......needing to get a few things off my chest. Mostly because I am learning....less about my A (the 3Cs) so the focus is more on me. I started off this past weekend doing a special day for my youngest two and visiting with my oldest who I don't get to see that often (or I sho...	Curlyblu	4	2633	Apr 6, 2017 by shrnp
	How to be there for someone in rehab (Preview) I recently started seeing a male friend of mine but it started during a bad time in his life and he ultimately ended up in rehab. He is now in intensive outpatient at the facility and has his phone. Everytime i reach out he seems angry with me. I know this is to be expected and he has voiced frustration wit...	Mandi2413	11	411	Apr 5, 2017 by Jayla
	Detachment = coldness (Preview) Sorry if this is long. I am sitting here alone another night. I posted last week, but my AH and I had a particularly bad week last night, he was drinking every night and didn't come home after work a few times and then Friday he stayed out until 6:30 in the morning doing god knows what. He missed a family outi...	VickiR	1	504	Apr 5, 2017 by SerenityRUS
	preventing a crisis (Preview) I went to my first meeting last night, it was great, everyone was so kind. I was reading the detachment paper, and it says don't prevent a crisis if it is the natural order of events. Here's the thing, I an not with my A, but because many of my issues (control, people pleasing) have carried into my relati...	Marie71	6	437	Apr 5, 2017 by Iamhere
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.