The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today my A ex=bf called me and started talking about how I do not want to see him. Last night he was depressed and called me. I actually have not said that I did not want to see him, I just do not want him spending the night at my house. He does not drive and he is expecting to be able to get someone to drop him off at my house to spend Easter. That would mean him staying more than one day because he does not live in the same town as me. No one is going to make that drive twice in a day so he can come spend a couple of hours. He said he wants to get his doctor to prescribe human growth hormone so he can gain weight because he has been sick. Then he asked me who my dentist was because he wanted to get a partial plate because he has a front tooth missing. Next, he tells me he is still young, and I ask him if he is trying to say I am old, because I am not interested in a relationship. Why call someone and talk about getting into a new relationship, why does he not just do it? I tried my best to not lose my temper because I felt he was baiting me like he did when he was drinking. I finally got mad, and hung up the phone. I have not let him get me angry in awhile but he really has not been aggravating me. First comes his depression then he is expecting me to fix it for him by getting back into a relationship with him. We did not have a good relationship, he fought with me everyday, or every other hour. His sobriety is not going to make a difference. I have made my life full without him. That is what happens when you go off drinking and leave someone alone all the time, they get a life. I am so thankful that I do not have to rely on a bad relationship anymore. That I can have a good life by myself. I am even more thankful that I have not been caught up in his sobriety and think that he has changed or we could have a life now.
That is kind of like that whole arguing with a fence post .. I have learned to accept some people are just fence posts and they are not going to hear me regardless of how much I talk at them, yell, reason and so on. There is no conversation with them because that would mean an equal exchange.
One thing I have been gifted with is the difference between an RA working a program of recovery and an A who is just dry. It is shocking the difference and it takes time to get there .. living in the fantasy that an A who is dry will be different .. as the saying goes sometimes you take the alcohol away and you are still left with a sober a$$. It just is what it is and I'm ok with letting people be where they are at .. it's just who they are and that is on them. I can invite or keep at a distance those people in my life who are less than healthy on all fronts.
Thank goodness you have Alanon and see the difference between what is healthy for you and what is not.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
(((Shrnp))) - love your awareness. Recovery does help set us free - eh? Keep doing what you're doing!! Acceptance of life on life's terms helped me see what was and what is. All that remained was what was to be, and I'm one who does usually believe the best is yet to come!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
