Hmmm, that's a tough situation to be in. I'm sorry you have to be the one to think through this logically.

My AW was still actively drinking when I started this job, and I was able to purchase life insurance for both of us when I was hired without the physical. Every year at a specific time, I am able to make changes to my insurance plans and benefits. I just add a bit more each year for both of us, and I don't bother to discuss it with her, aside from a "Just so you know..." I know I am very lucky to have that option for life insurance - she tried to purchase life insurance herself when she started recovery and found a job, but she wasn't able to purchase it because she had been in treatment for addiction issues. (And there is irony for you. Don't get help for addiction issues, you can buy life insurance. Go to treatment, you don't qualify to purchase life insurance.) I am sure there are other options for her to get her own policy, but it isn't urgent because I have coverage through my employer for us both.

One other thing I did when I started my current job is to set up direct deposit and split accounts to where the money goes. I set aside a small amount in a different account, and from that account, started to pay down my debt. I decided not to tell my actively drinking wife at that point, because I tried to set up a similar plan with her first through our joint account, and she absolutely would not agree that we needed to do anything about the debt, because we needed all the money to "live on" (code for: buy alcohol) I started with the smallest debt amounts first so I would feel accomplished. Now, three years later, I've paid off all the bad debt that was solely in my name, and have one more item that is joint with her that I am making progress on. The debt that is in her name I let be her problem. She was UPSET about the other account and me paying down debt when she found out, but by then, I was already less stressed because I had fewer creditors calling, and had found Alanon so I correctly identified that I had put a boundary in place, and that it was ok to ignore the temper tantrum and stick with my boundary.

I do hear you PP sending positive thoughts and prayers on the way. Many years ago, I was in a similar situation and decided that I needed to go back to work full-time in order to begin to pay down the credit cards and back bills. My hubby did stop drinking and attained sobriety during that period of time. However, he died suddenly after six years in program. I was very grateful that I had returned to work full time, his life insurance was not have been enough , and because he smoked and was a former drinker he was not eligible for additional life insurance. Having returned to work and having a full-time paycheck was a great gift because I realized that it would've been so difficult to search for a job while I was grieving.

Keep taking care yourself. Listen to the small voice within and trust HP. You are not alone

Hi Posie,
My A ex-bf was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver three months ago. He is only 48 years old, and he looks a lot older too. He got very sick and had to be admitted into the hospital for 10 days, and he has not been drinking since then. Prior to that he was going to the emergency room every month it seemed like. I would prepare yourself for all of the expenses associated with the disease. Luckily, my ex-bf has low to no deductibles for short hospital stays because he was already disabled and has medicare and medicaid. He is taking around eight different medications and the co-pay for those is very low too. It is important to have some insight. 

-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 7th of April 2017 03:10:06 PM

-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 7th of April 2017 07:55:36 PM