The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's author notes how we may view ourselves as victims, especially as it relates to the effects of the disease of alcoholism. Work in Steps 4 and 8 can help us see and address where we, too, have caused harm to others.
This is an opportunity for balance, for not swinging from one extreme to the other by trying to take responsibility for things that are not in our control. Adding everyone who has ever been upset with us to our amends list helps no one.
Today's Reminder: Sometimes our actions call for us to make amends. Sometimes others don't care for our choices, even when they are healthy and right for us at the time. We aren't responsible for others' expectations unless we helped create them.
"With this Step we sort out our part, taking responsibility for our actions but also releasing ourselves ... from the burden of falsely-held responsibilities." - In All Our Affairs
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AlAnon is so helpful in showing some of us how to live when our home life deprived us of healthy lessons or when alcohol in the home has us scrambled. Working through the steps with a sponsor is a great opportunity to get an outside perspective about our level of responsibility.
The program helps us make determinations based on sound principles, not just on the nature or explosiveness of the other person's reactions. Learning to recognize my role in a situation and respond in a balanced way is truly a gift of the program. I am very grateful
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Good Morinign Paul Thanks for the powerful reminder
.In reviewing my basic attitudes upon entering program, I found that I did think of myself as an angel, perfect and a victim of the negative attitudes of others . I blamed their bad behavior on my" reactions" and thought that if they were not so nasty I would remain perfect.:)
In working the Steps, examining my motives and embracing the principles of the program, I finally accepted that i was an imperfect human being that had negative coping tools that hurt me . I had to stop blaming others for my actions and develop constructive tools to live by. Thank you alanon and HP for the serenity , courage and peace that I found . Thank you Paul for your service.
Thank you Paul for your service and the daily. Thanks to you and Betty both for your ESH. For me, when I am off course, the answer always seems to be in acceptance and action. Action in the form of step work often brings me relief, healing and a different course of action - one that includes doing the next right thing....even when it's difficult, painful and/or hard.
I'm struggling now as my youngest is in jail. It's very hard to see him and his disease in action. I'm praying for guidance and hoping for relief and the return of my hope. This morning has been difficult for a variety of reasons.
Living one moment at a time, for today. Have a lovely day all...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Betty and Iah for adding your ESH to this topic; I always learn so much from the journey of the fellowship.
Iah, it is unfathomable to me the pain to be overcome when one of your own is in the grips of the disease and tough choices must be made...especially as a mom. And of course, life continues in all other aspects, tossing unrelated curve balls that have to be addressed. Hang in there, continued thoughts and prayers...
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Thanks Paul - I know I will never win against the disease yet it still wears on me how powerful and overwhelming it truly is. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
