The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Briefly, my A is being discharged today, after weeks in detox followed by in-patient. He'll be doing out-patient at the same facility, but we pick him up tonight after that.
My son is worried...rightly so...about "who" is coming home. And you know what? So am I.
I've had my ups and downs this whole time, but I've built up myself for the first time in years. And I'm nervous going into this because:
1)it's like we're all strangers but with familiar faces-there's a whole new get-to-know you period that is kicking off tonight
2)so worried that my anger might resurface
3)I've finally learned to start prioritizing myself, even though everyone else in my life/our life keeps negating me. We're talking his family, my family...etc... It's very hard to keep repeating mantras to myself amidst all of that dysfunction and aggression.
4)Whether he's come to terms or not, I know exactly what his biggest triggers are...and they are still alive and kicking. He'll literally be getting in the car, coming home with me and heading next door right into one of them (his A mother). So scary!
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~forward motion necessitates constant action instead of reaction~
Hugs .. These are the best times to be at meetings working with a sponsor and letting go and letting God. The answers are not always what I want to hear .. They are there when I'm ready. Yes .. the unknown is scary. I'm not responsible for other people's choices that's their stuff. He's going to drink or not .. Question is what Are you going to do .. Just for today It's min by min. By the way .. It's ok to be angry .. It's even ok if it comes out sideways. I learned how to be human in Alanon with all of my character defects as well as assets. You don't have to be perfect and thus get a whole lot easier when that pressure to have the right response to the fantasy situation .. He's going to do xyz I'm doing abc it's not that simple all the time .. Sometimes lol .. Not always. Just do you and let him do him. Hugs
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
((FM)) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers....just do all that you can to stay present. That suggestion really helped me when I was anxious about 'new chapters'...
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
The anticipation when a loved one gets home can be very stressful. Keep it simple, try not to second guess anything. All behavior does not have a negative alcoholic explanation. Good luck!