The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my first time posting. I've only been to 2 meetings, but I could immediately tell I was in the right place. My 32 year old brother and my father are both alcoholics. My brother lives with my parents (major enablers) and recently I've been working on my own boundaries - taking more space from them. Being in that house makes me anxious and upset. My brother is also a drug addict, off and on since high school.
Tonight I visited my family at the house for the first time in a while. Long story short, my brother demanded my parents supply him with more alcohol, my dad got in his face yelling, and I got up and left. Didn't say a word, just removed myself from the situation and drove home. normally I'd get weepy, talk to my mom about it, etc but I decided I'm an adult, and if I don't like being in the presence of that behavior than I can choose to leave. I can't change their behavior or choices, but I can remove myself.
Since I left, my brother texted and apology but I decided not to answer tonight. My whole he's drunk. I also decided not to text my mom my disappointed feelings...I can have those feelings and feel them and not engage my family with them.
I am 11 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I agree that we will not bring a baby to visit in that house. It's unsafe and unstable. That will crush them, but I NEED BOUNDARIES!
So that was my night. Proud of myself for doing things differently, and also hurting for my family (...and feeling hurt by them).
Aloha Bon and welcome to the board. Sad that you are again one more person (actually more than one) touched by this horrible disease. Planning ahead to buffer your child from it is difficult and I know what you're going thru as I did that also and it didn't work out for me and my children. I won't go thru it here and am glad that the program was there for me to learn how to alter my choices and responses within the disease. It gets better over time as we continue our commitment to our recovery. I also would leave at times right away and then practiced that to a fine habit where I would do it with my HP and listen to my HP's voice and lead which made outcomes more magical for me and my family. Good on you. Keep coming back and let us know how program is progressing...(((hugs)))
Welcome Bon to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you shared! Love that you found Al-Anon already and way to take care of you and practice the program. Keep coming back!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
