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The language we use
(Preview)
Reading some of these posts got me thinking. It really is important that we watch what we say around the A and how we say it. I haven't finished all of my CAL but I'm learning a lot from what I've read. We get blamed for a lot. And then feel the need to stick up for ourselves and that just keeps the cycle going. T...
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sarahGee
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11
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660
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Conceit, vanity and ego
(Preview)
Yesterdays reading was a good one, all about how when we take a hurt it can be because we think the whole world revolves around us and we get upset when a person or situation doesn't go our way. Wow, this is me right now and I hadn't linked it to being conceited, I had to look that word up and it means being egot...
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el-cee
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11
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643
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Caught myself!
(Preview)
My sons are responsible for their school work each day after school. I work late & as a single mom I've had to put a lot of faith into them that they would complete what needs to be completed. It's easy to sneak things by me, I am not fully aware of each individual assignment.
Anyway, I happened to hear...
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sarahGee
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2
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369
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One Day at a Time
(Preview)
I have always struggled with staying in the present, I always plan for the future. Wether it be next month or three years from now. I don't start thinking from the beginning, I start thinking about the end result. I've noticed if I don't have a plan in place I get anxious.
I'd say this need for control st...
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Miss A
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4
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511
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What do I do now???
(Preview)
Hi everyone! I am new here but already feeling grateful to have found this resource. I am 42 yrs old. Both parents struggled with addiction (drugs, food and alcohol) my ENTIRE life, causing me (oldest child in the family) to often times feel like the parent. Fast forward to May of this year, my mom a...
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babyhorsie
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4
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476
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Control
(Preview)
My now grown kids are both successfully married and on their own,have been for several yrs now,still miss them, especially my 3 grandsons by my daughter I never get to see for their father joined airforce way back when they were babies now teens except 1 will be soon,oldest is 16 ,my daughter and her hub...
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lookingup
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3
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468
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Trying to co-exist with a dry drunk
(Preview)
I haven't been on here in awhile but when I'm struggling I get on here and read all of your stories and I am so thankful for this group. But my AH has been progressively getting worse with his disease. He has since quit going out partying to now drinking all day/night in our garage. Last weekend it got so bad...
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Dlove
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9
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592
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Garfield
(Preview)
Over a year ago, we had a stray kitty show up at our door. We like to support strays by feeding them and keeping water bowls out. This kitty would show up and disappear again, so we figured he was living the good life with other gigs out there providing his needs. His orange color, enormous head, and his...
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2HP
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7
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812
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11/16/16 Courage to Change – “Let Go and Let God”
(Preview)
This reading is a great follow up to yesterday's Hope for Today reading, which highlighted the various ways the AlAnon slogan "Let Go and Let God" can be used. Today's C2C looks at what we can try if we are having difficulty with the 'letting go' part. Some have found success with visualizing turning th...
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Enigmatic
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5
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2496
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Dangerous black and white thinking
(Preview)
I believe more than anything, this idea of 100 percent perfection or 100 percent failure caused my brother to die. Apparently, the people who knew he was alcoholic, said he tried to quit, but would quickly become discouraged after a relapse. He clearly needed professional help, but was afraid, be...
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Lucy125
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7
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739
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Trying to move forward
(Preview)
hi, Alanon Family, Been reading a lot here, to help me get strength. Reading lots of posts on divorce, taking comfort in the fact so many others have trod this beaten path. Finally told my AH this weekend that I am ready to move forward with divorce. Been living apart for 15 months, and I don't see much wi...
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oceanpine
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5
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440
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Step 6 on the Step Board
(Preview)
http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t62899870/alanon-step-6-11-15-2016/Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active...
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hotrod
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0
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339
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TAKE it easy on me
(Preview)
Im currently recovering through treatment and time from this wreched back. Im having a MRI THUrs. Gave myself a talking to this morning about taking it easy on myself and lowering my expectations on myself during this healing. First me than others right now. My house is a mess,laundry etc but i cant do...
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YARNCRAZY
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1
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449
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Sister in recovery has never made amends but says it's unfair to use her past against her
(Preview)
I'm posting here because I don't know where else to post this. My sister got out of prison 2 years ago. Before that she was on all kinds of drugs and into many illegal activities. She now lives in a recovery house. Before going to prison she stole about $6000 worth of things from me. This is nothing compare...
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Familyofaddicts
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6
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556
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LYING/I Am shocked.
(Preview)
I called all the relatives, what few there are, to tell them of my brother's passing. Apparently, he lied to them about me and said I had cut him out of our lives! He also lied about them as I found out my cousin did not forbid him from attending funeral. My cousin said she confronted him about what she th...
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Lucy125
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6
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470
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My dad has died
(Preview)
So my alcoholic father has now died. I dont feel anything at all. Is this normal? This man was never ever there for me, he was always in the pub. Its like nothing has changed and nothing has happened...am I normal?
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kittenpea
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10
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1774
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Doesn't feel great, but reality is a good place to be
(Preview)
AH chose to stay up late watching tv. He is now tired. He also asked "how much am I required to participate today?"
To which I responded, "You get to chooses for yourself." (Yay tools!) But then I asked, "Are you low energy? It sounds like you don't want to hang out with us." (Woops, maybe shouldn't poke t...
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Taraxacum
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8
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448
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Hope for Today Nov 15
(Preview)
good morning everybody- Today's reading is about the slogan 'Let Go and Let God'. The thought for the day reminds us that the order of wording in this slogan is important- in order for us to turn things over to our HP, we have to be able to stop clutching at them. I have been thinking about the opening of th...
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yanksfan51
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3
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515
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11/14/16 One Day at a Time in AlAnon – Prayer/Gratitude
(Preview)
Today's reading points to the power of prayer and gratitude in our recovery. When we are struggling, a plea for help from our higher power may be all we can manage. The help we receive from such a prayer can really boost our faith and confidence in our hp. Prayer can also convey our gratitude for this life...
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Enigmatic
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4
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1960
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What is emotional unavailability?
(Preview)
What does it mean if someone is emotionally unavailable? Does it mean they aren't/cant meet our needs and if so is it our jobs to deal with these needs? Are alanon folks needy people just as part of our own dis-ease? Is our higher power the answer to our perceived needs? Also, are we alanoners attracted...
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el-cee
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9
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3010
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Hi all
(Preview)
Woke up this rainy Saturday morning with an inner confidence. Following what felt like a battering over the last few days in my mind and attitudes. It feels like i am coming out the other end having had a darn good kick about and review of my outdated thinking patterns. A lot of completely unfounded guil...
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Calm Lady
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12
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755
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DavidG
(Preview)
Aloha David and Kalamai...just got home from my morning meeting and heard of the monster earth quake on your island. Hope you and the family are safe and secure and HP is holding on to you. Let us know how it goes brother. ((((hugs)))) -- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 13th of November 2016 03:43:45 PM
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Jerry F
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10
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555
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Blame verses Accountability
(Preview)
Blame is useless. It's all about spinning the wheels. Accountability is different. I should have held the person in my life accountable. When his behavior was bad, long before the alcohol, I should have said, and calmly stated how I wanted to be treated. I was afraid of confrontation. I just didn't...
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Lucy125
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5
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2860
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What do you all do?
(Preview)
I was just curious as to how you handle when the alcoholic in your life is drunk and says awful crazy things? Obviously I feel like what I have done in the past doesn't work or at least feel like the right thing. I usually just ignore it unless it really upsets me, then I'll bring it up the next day. Is this beh...
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vvv
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9
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523
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Let it begin with me....?
(Preview)
The last few weeks have been really great between my AH and I. It feels like things suddenly magically got a lot better between us. I know that isn't the case (the sudden magic part) but I think what has happened is that as I've practiced the program he's picked up some things along the way too. I've be...
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KT2015
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4
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448
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Blip in my serenity
(Preview)
Oh, I lost it big time today. My serenity went right out the window.....which thank goodness the windows were closed or the neighbors would have heard an earful! I recently posted that I know that my AH's mood can and usually changes as the day goes on. The kind, thoughtful, listening husband in t...
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El
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9
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468
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Life is not fair
(Preview)
Today my RAH achieved 45 days of sobriety. Its a big deal because he has never made it past this point ever. (Except for the 90 days straight he was at sea when in the Navy 20 years ago) I have seen a sort of shift in him lately that he is serious and wants this. He has returned to AA and still goes to IOP 3...
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Fooled
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18
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617
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Progress after a year, thinking still distorted
(Preview)
Coming up on a year since I returned to al-anon and grateful for the changes in my life. Thanks to the program and HP, I've set boundaries about pot in my house and excessive drinking, and my husband has complied. I no longer feel compelled to check for levels in bottles. The unmistakable scent of pot hid...
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Mcat54
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3
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495
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I am afraid my mom is going to decline over this
(Preview)
I guess I need to turn this over to the higher power. I feel so alone. My mom is old, and losing her son was quite a blow.
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Lucy125
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3
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421
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Suggested commitment in small al anon mtg?
(Preview)
Do you know is there suggested commitment in al anon? I am just thinking how committed everyone should be in small meeting to keep door open kind of.
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kadriliisa
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1
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393
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focusing on today
(Preview)
I was so sick yesterday, I was throwing up, at my sisters house. I talked to the abf and had him pick me up so I can come home. I needed to be home. I had to leave my car behind as I could not drive. Today, I am still ill. I am still planning to leave once I am better. I confronted the abf about his ex-wife going to sp...
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joker
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0
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302
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Courage to Change reading for 11-13-2016
(Preview)
The C2C reading for November 13 speaks about the slogan :"First things first.". It points out that many times we get caught up in trivial matters, and then tend to neglect the most important ones simply because we fail to make time for the important ones.The reading points out that the first t...
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hotrod
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2
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708
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A lot can change in a year
(Preview)
Today is a day of reflection for me. A year ago my relationship with my AD was in a shambles, life was crazy and I was stressed beyond anything imaginable and felt hopeless that it was ever going to change. Well it has changed in a remarkable way. This weekend was the first time my AD had been back home si...
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serenity47
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5
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469
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I have hit my bottom
(Preview)
I am so done with the abf. I am beyond disgusted. I am seeing him for what a selfish prick he really his. On Monday I had to go for surgery on my stomack, he did not take me or pick me up. I made my own arrangements. Yesterday he decided to get drunk and kept me up all night. I am still in a lot of pain. It was major su...
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joker
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7
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512
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Courage to Change 12/11
(Preview)
Today's c2c likens learning to use our al-anon tools to oiling a saw- it doesn't change the equipment we have but it makes it a lot easier to use what we have and to use those assets in a much more productive way. It points out that we might be skeptical about the usefullness of the process but if we take a lea...
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MissM
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3
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422
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I think I can leave now...
(Preview)
I have struggled for so lomy having the strength and courage to leave my abf..but I believe I am ready. He came back from rehab 3 weeks ago and is back to all his old ways..I think I need to go..for me, and for him. He won't get better while I'm here, and I am getting worse in my own codependency. I am scared..b...
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Desperateinnyc
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7
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503
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Keeping my power
(Preview)
Not letting others steal or take away my power ,my happiness,has been a tough one for me today,trying to find ways to make it stop or putting a stop to it,some do it in a subtle way others do it openly, ive been belittled,knocked down,used in many ways. all this does to me is keep me down,depressed,low sel...
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lookingup
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5
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498
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ENABLING examples of
(Preview)
Repeatedly bailing them out - of jail, financial problems, other "tight spots" they get themselves intoGiving them "one more chance" - then another...and another...Ignoring the problem - because they get defensive when you bring it up or your hope that it will magically go awayJoining them i...
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LinSC
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17
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770
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SIDELINED
(Preview)
iM in alot of pain and filled with frustration. Wrenched my back somehow and have been frustrated,angry and confused. Im going to see a back doctor on monday after being to walk in,er and my bone doc. at my bone doc, i was so much in pain, i was crying hysterically. Now I cant look for work til this is resolv...
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YARNCRAZY
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1
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355
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Happy wedding anniversary NOT
(Preview)
10th anniv here, asked husb to please be straight, supposed to pick me up at work at 5pm to go to dinner. Called him, he's drunk was still at home at 5:10 and he still is not here (it takes 30 mins to get here) 6:10 now no husb. Any thoughts on what I should say?? I am so disapponted and pis!#/^^^ off.
Help!
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Worried Wife
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5
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423
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I have totally lost control
(Preview)
Back to Step One. I do not have power over control over his drinking, but it has total control over me. That stash I found? Yeah...no new bottles, no idea how old it all is, nothing anywhere. It very well could have been his 'clean out' from when he quit (no idea why he wouldn't have actually thrown them a...
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SpiderArcana
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4
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430
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Keeping the kids from him
(Preview)
Hello all. I havent been here in a while. Sadly the usual ups and downs of the disease has kept me preoccupied and not putting the focus of my program where I should. So much has occured that is irrepairable but my concern now (and has been for a while) is how to keep him from the kids. He's been in and out of re...
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Hopefull15
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6
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447
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DETACHMENT?
(Preview)
Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. Seperating ourselves from the adverse effects of another person alcoholism can be a means of detaching: this does not neccessarily require physical seperati...
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LinSC
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23
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992
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Courage to Change (C2C) 11/11/16hen
(Preview)
Today's reading is all about Step 3 and how it's critical to our path for growth. Many of us came to recovery thinking we were well and we just wanted/needed our qualifier to change. We had tried with great intentions to control people, places and things - sincerely believing our way was the correct w...
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Iamhere
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3
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466
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Trying to be in Gods will today!
(Preview)
I'm making an extra effort today to live our principles and this spiritual program. I don't find it easy and cant do it for every 24 hours in the day but I thought it might help me to write down what it means to me. Begin my day with a gratitude list to remind myself that all is ok and more than that I have so muc...
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el-cee
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9
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520
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I know I'm not going to get any closure but..
(Preview)
Why is it that they will never acknowledge or validate anything you say you feel or have felt? I don't understand that side of the A. I'm working on myself so that I don't search for validation anymore, because it's a fruitless effort..but could someone explain why they do that? Ie: if you say "this happ...
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sarahGee
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24
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683
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He's going to die this evening
(Preview)
OMG I am so angry. Now I have to clean up this mess. His friends are asking me why this happened. I have to tell my mom. The kids never told me he was drinking, I might have at least staged an intervention. Now it's all over. The pain is so much.
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Lucy125
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16
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598
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Woohoo
(Preview)
I've had a very bad day. My response is, I've booked myself in to get my motorbike license. Hell yeah  Woo!
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MissM
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10
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461
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Messages from India.
(Preview)
Mother is in India. She wasn't very nice to me in the weeks leading up to her time away, and to be honest I've dreaded hearing from her. The day she left, she messaged me (obviously drunk) from the airport bar to tell me she was going to have a miserable time because my siblings were fighting and having dram...
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MissM
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7
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2174
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Emotional, bad day
(Preview)
I am really struggling today. I can't get my ex ABF off my mind and am still in disbelief that after 8 years together he ended everything between us to work on his sobriety - and he ended it in a text message no less. I know we are all in control of our own happiness and I need to focus on me etc. etc. But it's b...
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FooledMeTwice
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8
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477
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My side of the street ..
(Preview)
It is so hard to stay on my side of the street at the moment and not rush in and meddle. UGH .. queen of the meddlers is what I am at times. I'm watching someone I care about go through some really messy stuff .. that whole watching a train wreck seeing the train wreck and kind of saying ummm .. do you even see t...
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SerenityRUS
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1
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371
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Am I Crazy?
(Preview)
Please forgive me this is a long post. I guess I'll start at the beginning. My AH got sober and and went into recovery/AA about 8 years ago. About 5 years ago he "befriended" a young woman in AA. They became fast friends. She was newly married at the time. Her new husband got transferred with the militar...
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mmg330
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10
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581
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Courage to Change (C2C) 11/10/16
(Preview)
Today's reading in C2C is about One Day at a Time. When we are able to focus on just today, this one day, we can be more realistic about improving our situation. Living one day at a time helps us get rid of that sense of constant urgency. One Day at a Time is a simple concept that allows us to realize no prob...
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Iamhere
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2
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410
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Working my program
(Preview)
I got a call from my ex-abf yesterday morning. He was going to be working in my city and wanted to get his bike out of my basement and asked if it was okay. Yes, it was very okay, bc I've been wanting him to get his stuff for a while (I had been very controlling and full of expectations about him getting the stuf...
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e_i_m
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3
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372
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Stove still hot
(Preview)
My own fault, I let my Al-anon behaviours slip. Without thinking I spoke freely and spoke the truth to AH. In response I was told what a frigid and unstable person I am. That i should be happy with all the wonderful things I have. That i should walk around with a smile on my face at all times. Not to be unhapp...
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Calm Lady
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26
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660
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Holidays - limiting family, kind of glad
(Preview)
Hello everyone. Now that the holiday season is about to be upon us, I wanted to share something that came up with me and my AH. It sort of made me laugh but not in a way that I would share out loud to anyone but this group. My AH and his mom have had ongoing issues now that his drinking is public knowledge. I sta...
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Fedora
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7
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443
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I saw dying brother, I need to stop being so co dependent
(Preview)
I saw my brother today. He's dying. It's a matter of days, I think. The emotional pain is so much. I thought there was a chance, but it's not possible now. I tried over the years, but I didn't know what was wrong, he hid the drinking from us. I don't know what to do about his kids. 25, 23, 20. They are losing t...
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Lucy125
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4
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411
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when to confront alcoholic
(Preview)
My adult daughter and family is living with us. We do not drink. I have noticed daughter drinks every day. She does not get drunk. I'm thinking she has a tolerance. My gut has been telling me 'this is not good, danger, danger'. When, how do i say anything?
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runi
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11
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2548
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Bad day
(Preview)
I am hurt that my daughter or sister will not help me. I had day surgery 2 days ago and I am in a lot of pain. Complete bed rest. I have three holes put in my stomack and a camera put in..found out that my bladder was stick to another tissue..doctor had to cut it out and put on antibiotics for infection inside st...
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joker
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2
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344
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Daily writing
(Preview)
I would like to start writing more and I was just wondering what are the things that you all usually journal about.
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ItsAllAboutMeMC
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4
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467
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