Last Sunday I posted that I absolutely lost it with AH and his snide commentary on just about everything.  In this past week I have come to the realization that his diseased thinking is certainly becoming more irrational and his social interactions are less controlled.....really, really awkward. 

I don't know if he is drinking more.....I stopped looking for hidden stash about a month ago. So, I don't know if it is more alcohol or his brain is really starting to show the effects of long-term use. He backed out of a party last night and today at my daughter's he was particularly snarky.  He had been doing fairly well at events.....controlling his comments and opinions.  Never      ending     opinions,  I might add.  However, his thinking and reasoning really seem off to me.  Again, could be increase in alcohol, or it is just really starting to take it's toll.  Most likely, both.

AH has been very angry with his siblings lately and yesterday he was on an all-day rant/rave/bash about them.  He was relentless and just plain obsessed with his anger.  I was glad he didn't go to the party last night because I needed a break.   When I got home he was still ugly about it all and he went to bed before me.  I decided to sleep in the spare room because I could hear he was restless, mumbling and just plain obnoxious....even in his sleep.  He woke up in the middle of the night and started berating me from the other room.  I pretended I slept through it all.

This morning he was kind of baiting me about last night and I wouldn't engage.  He asked why I didn't sleep with him and rather than JADE, I calmly stated that at the time it just seemed like a good decision.  He actually didn't continue beyond that.....I was shocked.   A little later he brought up his siblings and I again calmly stated that I wasn't going to talk about them today.  He tried again a couple of times during the day, but I just ignored it and then changed topics.  He didn't say anymore about them.

I guess the point of all this is......I was able to address things in a patient manner today and it made a big difference.  The other point is......I can see how his thinking is just so warped on certain topics, and there is so much anger and pain and a need to blame others while not looking/accepting himself.   It is very sad to watch.  I can feel him slipping away and not functioning well in social settings anymore....at all.

Anyway.....just some thoughts on responding rather than reacting.....and......I can see the progression of his disease....it isn't some future event.  Thanks for reading and being here for me to vent to.....