The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My sons are responsible for their school work each day after school. I work late & as a single mom I've had to put a lot of faith into them that they would complete what needs to be completed. It's easy to sneak things by me, I am not fully aware of each individual assignment.
Anyway, I happened to hear from 2/3 of my kids teachers today about homework not being completed.
I'm so grateful that I had a few hours between speaking to the teacher and the time I was face to face with them to address it.
Initially, I was hurt. I ask them every day to show me their work and promise me it's all completed.
Finding out they were lying to me, hurt. And if I had have spoken to them right there, I probably would have approached it from that angle which is SOOOOOO WRONG and I am glad I snapped out of that!!
I was thinking how selfish that angle was. Making it all about me and how they hurt me. What a twisted way of thinking!
It's not about me, it's about them!
They are young yes. This is the first of 10000000000000 lies they're going to tell me over a lifetime and I have to suck it up because that's what kids do with their parents.
I gave them their conveniences (all electronics taken away until teachers confirm they are putting in effort) and told them they are only hurting themselves.
This might seem so petty to some, but to me it's one step in the right direction of breaking the cycle with my kids.
They did something wrong, and I didn't make it all about my hurt feelings.
Great share Sarah - love when things work as they should vs. as I think they should. I believe HP led you to a different way! Of course, I am the one who looks for the miracles in each day as part of my recovery.
I love how you processed and saw that what it is is about them and not about you. It's true that it's one of possibly many they will share - we as parents can only teach and lead them; we can't control the outcomes. Good on you for being the mother, not the judge, jury, executioner or the friend who lets them have a pass on consequences!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
