The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is dry for two months. He doesn't buy into AA and isn't working anything but he is seeing a therapist. For the past two months he's been all over the place-sickness, depression, sleepless nights, oversleeping, euphoria, everything.
It's exhausting. I'm getting better at working my program.
We have a three year old and I am 8 months pregnant. Today our son has been home sick. My husband has been huffing and puffing and complaining about just everything.
I knew nothing good was going to come from this but I'm overwhelmed. I just went in and told him I'm trying my best to support him but I feel overwhelmed that I am also dealing with stuff and I get no support. He of course got defensive and began yelling at me. I just kept trying to say "these are my feelings I am not trying to blame you" as I sobbed. When he got really angry and yelled I walked away sobbing. He told me to take my hormonal bullshit and walk away. So I'm just reaching out here. When I'm strong I can work my program. But today is a stressful day and I just can't work my program right now so instead I'm crying. Wishing my husband was better. Wishing I could walk away. Wishing I had help.
Thx for listening.
Thank you. It got worse when I walked in on him sleeping as I cleaned the house. After I rolled my eyes he got up, began slamming doors and throwing things and calling me every name in the book. And mocking me on top of everything else. I should've walked away. I didn't yell back. I'm tired so I'm having a hard time remembering that I'm not dealing with a rational person. Ugh. Tomorrow will be better.
:) cleaning is therapeutic sometimes. :)
If he needs a freaking nap I wish he could just use his words. Although I'm the one that's pregnant and worked all day so shouldn't I be the one napping???
(((Prissykitty))) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers. I am also one who 'cleans' to relax at times - but I also believe in being gentle with myself on tough days. All that is will be still waiting for you (the cleaning) when you are up for it and if you get quiet time, take it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
First off, no one deserves to be yelled at our treated with disrespect. I lived with the slamming of cabinets, door slamming, screaming and yelling at me for no other reason than for my XAH to have someone to blame for his problems that weren't my fault to begin with.
I used to clean when I needed a release as well. I actually remember doing it when I was 9 months pregnant, as well, just like you. As you said, you are not dealing with a rational person. Please use your program to find peace and to figure out that you are worth it. Sending you hugs and support tonight, as well.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Thank you everyone. My three year old has been coughing for an hour in bed, which means no rest for this mama. Yet husband is snoring on the couch with the lights on. He apologized for the name calling. I detached and didn't give much. He claims he doesn't know why he's tired all the time. He's on anti depressants and in therapy but clearly something else is going on. Getting scared of doing this with two kids in January.
A trusted sponsor worked well for me when I was caught in the crazies. It helped me to detach from what ever was yanking my chain and I could leave the problem in his trash can rather than mine. Visualize your own special garden and go there for a while....((((hugs))))
When I read your post, I truly felt for you. I cannot imagine being pregnant with a little one when my BF acted in such a way, and he did, many times. But what I kept feeling from what you described, is he is so full of self hate, such low self worth, that he cannot see your strength as an asset, but perhaps a threat,or reminder of what he is not, and cannot be and do. Sounds to me like straight up deflection and resentment..and it is 100% all about him, and nothing about you..I'm sure when you are feeling stronger, you know this too, but it is so easy to get swept up in it and not catch yourself buying into his mean words and anger. But the more you try, the more you will be able to do just that, catch yourself, and he will not have his desired effect on you..then he may also stop trying. You sound very strong, I wish you the best, truly!
Thank you so much. After that explosion he opened up about how much he truly hated himself. It's no excuse for how he fights but yeah, I'm learning that this has nothing to do with me. It just sucks living with it quite honestly. Thank you everyone for your words.
Exactly! Amazing when their moments of clarity show up, shocking isn't it? Yes he has low self worth, self esteem, doesmt believe he deserves you or a happy relationship. I know this because my abf when he is sane, admits this..I know anyway, but it is nice to have it be acknowledged..gives you hope doesn't it? Tonight my BF got absolutely sloshed, first time since he's been back from rehab exactly a month..so much for this "I can control it, I won't get that low again" bullshit he tried to lay in me last week. And he tried to pick a fight, and I laughed..I actually laughed at how pathetic and predictable it was..I said go to bed and sleep that off..and he did..my thoughts are with you, stay strong!
