The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have discovered that a big character flaw I have is my expectations of others and of myself. When others and myself fall short, mostly myself, I get disappointed and hurt.
My example: I have a stressful job. yes, I get to work out of my home, BUT I work long hours. I have the ability to flex my time but my work still needs to get done. I had a rough month work wise and I am in danger of loosing a lot of PTO time if I didn't take it by the end of the year. So, I am off the next 6 days. My expectation was that I was going to use yesterday to get caught up, work straight through until I finished, shut my laptop and my phone off and take a nap, watch a Christmas movie with my family, and do my Thanksgiving feast pre cooking today. I made a fantastic smelling stew yesterday and homemade biscuits. Well, things didn't go as expected.
I was interrupted several times yesterday for various reasons and didn't get completely caught up and able to completely shut down until 10 pm. I missed the Christmas show with my kids. My RAH had to work late because of the approaching holiday so he went to IOP straight from work and when he came home he was too tired to eat. My daughter decided to spend time with her friend and ate there. My oldest son hung out with his friends. Other son wasn't feeling well. So, I ate a delicious stew all by myself in front of my laptop. I have a whole crock pot of stew left over in the fridge. Not what I was expecting.
Today, I am expecting to bake 2 pies, a pumpkin bread, make a cranberry sauce, and BABYSIT. I adore my nuggets that I babysit. I want to be able to nap with the 10 month old and watch a Christmas special with the 3 year old this afternoon. I know that I will fall short in my expectations of myself. I will then be anxious and frustrated. I started working on my Christmas shopping list, I don't know what to get my 20 year old cerebral palsy sports fanatic son. So, black Friday I will be searching for ideas instead of hitting the submit order on Amazon.
I could be looking at things differently. I don't have to cook dinner tonight. Leftover stew is great the next day! But no I am thinking oh why bother, no one will eat it anyway. I could be just singing Christmas carols and cooking. But No, I am beating myself up because I am beating myself up about my expectations. If that makes sense.
Hi Fooled I can identify. When I finally accepted that my expectations of myself and others really lead to huge resentments ,I decided to really work this program . When I did ,I found that by working the Steps, and being willing to let go of my"control, and perfectionism I could live in the present moment and enjoy life.
Right now you have made a huge step in awareness and acceptance. trust the process and remember that stew tastes even better the next day. :)
Suzann - great share....what popped into my mind was Awareness, Acceptance and Action. I did learn by working this program that I placed so many duties on me that nobody else really cared about. I had great fear and concern about simplifying my life to allow myself to heal as my perfectionism was loud and proud within me....
I did have to simplify my thinking in order to simplify my life. I had to pause and consider what was practical vs. super-woman thinking and then what was really important. It was a huge shift in my thinking and doing, but the program gave me all the tools I needed to do and be different.
You've got this - I'm sending you positive thoughts for a great day!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks so much. I was trying to think of a slogan for me feeling this way. I came up with HALT. Hungry as no one was hungry enough to eat my stew. LOL Anger- It upset me that I had these expectations L Lonely I was lonely eating all by myself and T Tired I have been really working hard lately. My caseload exploded this month and I am often up late trying to get things done. The time change is still an adjustment and plus I watched the 3 year old for three straight weeks earlier this month. My youngest is 17 so it was exhausting to watch a three year old. But you are so right Betty, my expectations enabled my resentment and I went to bed last night a little twisted.
Iamhere, I do want simple. Thanks for showing me those accomplishments. I have accepted that I live in a house of addiction, I am aware that I am my own worst enemy sometimes and I just got to come up with an action plan that stops me from going into superwoman mode. I am not superwoman. Its ok if I take a break in my cooking to nap with the smell of Baby Magic baby lotion. And Stew does taste better the next day! Amazon ships right up until December 22.
Thanks again.
I'm smiling, relating to you and my own memories of squeezing too much into a single day, sometimes until I can barely walk. I actually believed this is what gave me VALUE as a human being, conditioned by my martyr role model, my mother..... so busy, busy, busy. I had adopted Mom's belief but today, I no longer feel the need to PROVE my worth when I am remembering my relationship to God. God says, why don't you just relax already?? hehehe
I remember texting at the end of the day with a fellowship member long ago, I asked her how her day went. I never forgot her reply:
"I gave the day to God so it was Good."
imagine that (((big hugs)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Wednesday 23rd of November 2016 01:32:20 PM
2HP Again...Wow! You have no idea how that just resonated with me. My mother...my martyr role model, which is exactly why I decided to pass and stay home this year for the holiday. I didn't need the judgment as to whether I was living up to her standard and that I had begun to live my life in a relationship with God. I am adding that reply to my journal of armor. Its perfect! ((2HP))
