The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i am the daughter of a 'recovering' alcoholic mother. I would also class my father as an alcoholic, albeit a functioning one. my parents have always liked a drink but for my mum it became much more than that around 7/8 years ago. Obviously those years were very tough on us all as a family. We would come home and find her in all sorts of states, she had a vicious tongue which was very hurtful and my parents almost divorced. About 3 and a half years ago, the alcohol abuse caught up with her and she was hospitalised with variceal bleeding and almost died. Her liver was badly damaged. Thankfully she was given a second shot a life, though the doctors told her she must never drink alcohol again. She decided to go cold turkey (though we encouraged her to take the professional help) and for a good two years she was sober. We rebuilt our relationship and I was thankful to have our family back to how it used to be, especially considering that others aren't so lucky. The problem is that my dad also likes a drink and i think the long term 'support' was too much for him to deal with. He continued to drink in front of her and eventually the temptation returned. She started off by saying she would just have the odd glass of fizz with the girls to 'fit in', to now drinking 'moderately' again. Though I suspect this is much more judging by what I have seen. Obviously cirrhosis is irreversible so I'm not sure how long her liver will withstand her drinking again. Unfortubarely my dad enables and encourages this behaviour which makes her think it's ok, and also makes my life incredibly difficult. I actually caught him buying a shed load of booze in the supermarket for the house a few weeks ago, much to my disappointment. This included a litre bottle of gin for my mum! Their response was that 'they could get hit by a bus tomorrow'. It's honestly like dealing with children. I am so mentally drained and exhausted by this, I have decided to cut ties. However this doesnt stop me feeling incredibly guilty. I'm 30 years old now and this has burdened my life for long enough. Am I a terrible person? I do love them but I had to do this for my own sanity.
Welcome Drained daughter you are not a terrible person- just probably "drained" from dealing with the insanity of the disease of alcoholism.
Alcoholism, isa dreadful chronic disease over which we are powerless. we did not cause it and cannot cure it. Living with it causes many to develop destructive coping tools in order to survive the daily insanity of the disease.
Alanon is a world wide recovery program for family members and face to face meetings are held in most communities. Please check your telephone directory fo the hot line number and attend. Here you will break the isolation caused by living with the disease and develop new tools to live by.
Keep coming back here as well There is help and hope.
Aloha Draineddaughter and welcome to the family which as be affected by other peoples drinking and drug using. I suggest and hope you take the time to scroll back over prior posts here by other members who share the sickening dysfunction of alcoholism which is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions and cannot be cured; only arrested by total abstinence. I am sorry and sad with you about your family while also being glad that you have sought out support. Miracles in Progress is a wide group of people affected by this compulsion of the mind and allergy of the body which if not arrested will be fatal as often is.
Hotrod gave you the suggestion which also saved my mind (sanity) and life. I was born into this insanity and it near killed me on occasion. Not now as the world-wide fellowship insures us that we need not suffer as we participate in this program of recovery. Please keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
normal to feel drained when going through this kind of setting .. I feel the drain (by remembering) even sitting here reading .. but the good thing is in alanon that even when there is a drain .. we are no longer alone when we reach out for help .. that always restores a few breaths of ''fresh air .. sometimes nice to get out of the 'stench of the alcohol in the room .. metaphorically speaking this last part is ..
when I think of the tired .. the best analogy that comes to my mind in 'this moment is .. it's like doing chin-ups hanging onto the bar .. up down up down up down .. when I think of that what comes to mind is . hope: here gone here gone here gone here gone .. fear: here gone here gone here gone here gone .. understanding: clear confused clear confused clear confused .. we're bound to need a break after the constant repetition ..
hope too you keep coming back .. maybe even step outside to try a few offline meetings .. face to face .. very helpful ..
My heart hurt reading your post.
I am new to the program myself but in the few short weeks I've been doing this, my outlook has changed.
My mother is sick as well and I am dealing with watching her go against dr's advice and continue drinking.
Al Anon will help. You are not alone!
(((draineddaughter))) - I send warm welcomes to you - glad you found MIP and glad that you shared.
The disease is overwhelming and exhausting. I understand how drained you feel - you are not alone.
I found others who understood in Al-Anon. I found a structured program to help me understand the disease and how it affects me - my emotions, my reactions, my thinking, etc. I found a safe place to share and hear the ESH of others who get it. It's changed my life and restored me to sanity.
Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
