The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So my alcoholic father has now died. I dont feel anything at all. Is this normal? This man was never ever there for me, he was always in the pub. Its like nothing has changed and nothing has happened...am I normal?
((Kittenpea)) I am so sorry to read of your loss. As far as "Not feeling anything", I can simply say that you may have learned how to stuff all your painful feelings as a child and have reverted to that tool at this difficult time.
Grief is an individual process for each of us and I found that sharing about the loss with like minded folks allowed me to eventually feel my feelings and receive the support and empathy that I needed.
I am sending my condolences and positive thoughts and prayers to you. Please keep coming back
Kittenpea - I too am sorry for the loss of your father. Family, relationships, grieving and feelings are so unique - I believe where you are is where you are supposed to be. When we lose people, the process of accepting and moving on is so different - just live one day at a time and your truth will be revealed.
Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Yes it's normal IMO. I am mourning the loss of a dream with my brother. He hasn't been there for least 15 years. The Alcoholism started about 10 years ago. I hoped that it would get better, but even before drinking, he was never going to be there for me. In a way, I feel like I lost him long ago. Probably when we were children.
You probably lost your dad years ago, or never had him at all. You are mourning the loss of a dream. Maybe you already accepted the way it was. Plus now you don't have the pain of wondering how it was all going to end. Death is final, and there's no more surprises, and no more waiting for that phone call.
Kittenpea, I am so sorry that you are going through this. What ever your emotional reaction is, know that it is ok. Everyone grieves in different ways. Some situations you grieve less than others and that is alright also. It may be that overtime you feel more, or find you have resentments also. But you are normal and there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. Just be authentic to yourself.
Aloha Kittenpea and welcome to the MIP family...I will grieve your loss. Alcoholism and everyone it touches are touched by this cunning, powerful and baffling disease. It is okay to feel or not feel about this...come here and talk about it as you can and if there are Al-Anon face to face groups in your neighborhood go and listen to the unconditional love we have experienced and share with us. Keep coming back. ((((Hugs))))
I'm sorry your dad has passed away. Your feelings are feeling that you're feeling today. My experience with Grief has been that it's a very unpredictable thing. One day I felt numb and couldn't cry. Another day I felt anger toward the alcoholic who was gone. Some days I felt preoccupied with thoughts of them and couldn't concentrate to do things to take care of myself. On yet other days I felt intense pity for myself, pity for them, an pity for all of us who have been touched by this miserable disease.
You are in my thoughts and prayers as you experience your feelings. I hope you'll be gentle with yourself and can find additional support at an in person Alanon family meeting. (((hugs))) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Sorry to hear that J. 