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Which is worse
(Preview)
Ive been seeing the signs for the past couple weeks. Here and there. Only been here a little while, but prior I would react like a wild woman. AH was extremely late coming home from work Saturday night. Told me he was stuck in traffic and then got a flat tire. Even had grease and dirt on him to "...
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Fooled
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20
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678
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I am not good at argueing, but started one last night that continued to this morning
(Preview)
I'm always afraid to argue and think my boyfriend of 2 years will walk out of my life. But I started a argument anyway, because I felt like he is too hard on my 7 year old. He thinks I coddle her. So I finally put my feelings out there and I think I made a few mistakes in what I said by bringing up my exAH into it. My...
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Breakingfree
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12
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931
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The usual ramble.
(Preview)
Well, the week started poorly but, it didn't stay that way. I guess because my life revolves around lots of things now, not just the behaviour of one person (who isn't me). Last weekend A came over to spend saturday night and sunday with me. He was sober when he arrived, but managed to get staggeringly dr...
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missmeliss
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14
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701
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I have a sponsor
(Preview)
I've been wanting to ask someone in my group to be my sponsor for a while now. I was just so afraid to ask for help. When I first started there were a few people who approached me and offered to help me and I am grateful to them for doing so. But for some reason or another we just haven't clicked enough that I...
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KT2015
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9
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626
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Ftf meeting
(Preview)
just found out there's a close by alanon meeting ftf,on wed,at noon time every week,I maybe jumping the guns but I hope not I'm to call back in a hour to get the correct times,....LU is Excited,lol, and been looking for ever seems just decided to google it in my area and found it,wow now how easier can it ge...
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lookingup
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6
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1139
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Triggers
(Preview)
Its been 4 days since my abf has come home from work. He is exhausted and sleeps. Get up and goes back to sleep, get up and goes back to sleep. He has no motivation to do anything. I sit on the couch with him but I sense a distance between us. I do not say anything to him due to fear he will flip out. I ask him lets ge...
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joker
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7
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963
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Discernment
(Preview)
i think discernment is my new go to word. I need to keep it at the top of my head along with judgements. They go together in my new world. By being in recovery my underbelly is exposd and raw. I need to keep it protected and secure without walls being up and closed off. I need recovery in many areas they ar...
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Mirandac
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11
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623
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Absolutely Terrified!
(Preview)
I have been in Alanon for about 12 years. Before Alanon I was physically abused and terrified all the time. Alanon changed my life and my marriage became better "for awhile". I have been married for over 25 years now. I have hard life situations going on. First I had breast cancer last year,...
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lucymae
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6
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489
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Insanity
(Preview)
Step work,sponsor,huge amounts of reading cal reading,and Q&a lists everyday,has kept my sanity and living in today .My A/sis that lives with me had a huge argument with her daughter over my A/s breaking into her daughters apartment ,which was WRONG ,I felt really bad for the daughter,but dau...
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lookingup
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2
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409
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Fiance's Returning From Rehab This Week...
(
1 2
)
(Preview)
Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and looking for advice or any perspective you can offer. Last month I found out my fiance was addicted to Oxycontin and has been for 2 1/2 years. We are supposed to get married in a year. After I found out and spoke with his parents, he agreed to go to rehab and is getting bac...
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Younglady
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60
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13889
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A thought on Step One
(Preview)
I'm so glad I found this board. I love reading the posts, and am truly inspired by the participants here and how their stories echo my own. I was reading through another post today about Step One, and I found this step really easy, as I had pretty much given up when I got here. I found the step, at first, ga...
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Laurie16
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2
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736
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Step One
(Preview)
When I started here I was a hot mess. My RAH was not recovering, he was not sober, and I was angry, resentful, hurt and betrayed. Before I came here I was so resistant to Alanon my self righteousness belief was why do I need recovery I am not the alcoholic. Im the victim here, I shouldn't have to learn ab...
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Fooled
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4
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474
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I left
(Preview)
So I had enough, I prayed and prayed and things came together so I moved out and I'm now in my own little apartment. Its sad here, I'm in a fog, it's like a death somehow, I feel like I am in mourning now. I miss my codependency. There I said it, I needed him to need me. But now what? I believe in my HP. I am not taki...
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Amandasheart
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13
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1157
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Need help with decision
(Preview)
My partner of almost 7 years comes from a family of alcoholics. However, my partner would be so upset knowing that I am saying this as she feels that i am judgmental. To make a long story short my partner began drinking at age 14 and is now 39. Whenever we visit her family of origin everything centers ar...
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purplegoldi
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4
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475
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Courage to Change (C2C) 3/11/16
(Preview)
Today's reading is about acceptance, humanism and being LTP - Less Than Perfect. I'm going to flip things a bit, and start with the Quote for the day - from As We Understood.... "My Higher Power is the confidence within me that makes me unafraid to make mistakes." Our reminder for today sug...
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Iamhere
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1
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490
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Boundaries
(Preview)
I am working on boundaries with my ABF. He called me yesterday and was drunk and said he got kicked out of his camp where he works (5 hours from me), the night before but he still have his job. He said he is in a hotel room in the city and for me to drive 5 hours and get him. I said NO. I had discussed with him when he...
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joker
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0
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466
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Carrying the message
(Preview)
Left by Jazzie....Mahalo Jazzie...soooo much "My relationship with my AH is so much better now that we are addressing the elephant in the room. You can read my past posts. I first came to al-anon last March/April. I was on the verge of leaving my husband as I just couldn't detach with love and...
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Jerry F
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3
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500
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Healing
(Preview)
So just because I wanted to share.... my RAH and I love to sit and write together, he loves to play the guitar... anyway I had a small poem I started and he said lets make a song... its AMAZING!! Its healing, forgiving, empowering!! So it got me thinking, what do you do to aide in your healing?
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Katsfree
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4
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464
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Is there any hope for success?
(Preview)
Sifting through posts it's clear to see how much relationships suffer because of this disease. So many of us have thought about leaving, have left, etc.
Can one truly be happy with a recovering alcoholic in their life? It's truly a depressing thing to look at as I read through everyone's Sharings.
...
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Crau
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8
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886
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Just need help
(Preview)
Hey Everyone! A little background on me I am married and have 2 beautiful kids and one amazing stepson. I am married to an amazing man, who happens to be an alcoholic. We have been married for almost 6 years and it's been a very challenging time. I feel like I am at a breaking point with my husband. It's funn...
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MeganG
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6
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970
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He listened!
(Preview)
Well, he went to his bible study and found an intervention instead! Just one of the guys, but he is in his 70's and his father was an alcoholic, and his son is struggling too. Learned about others in the home church that are struggling with various things. Drugs, porn, food. Anyway, he will be going to a gr...
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Tired-of-it
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5
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541
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Courage to Change (C2C) 3/10/16
(Preview)
Today's reading talks about taking risks, changing our old ways of thinking and accepting what is. The reading suggests that life involves one risk after another and that some pain is unavoidable. Old ways of thinking before Al-Anon included avoiding risk, playing things safe and trying to run a...
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Iamhere
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5
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538
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Struggling with it all. I have to detach but don't know how.
(Preview)
Hello everyone. I am a mom with a 32 year old daughter who is an alcoholic and drug user. In the past 12 months she has literally lost everything. Her husband of 9 years, her house, her vehicle, her apartment, you name it she has lost it. She has been in a recovery house twice. She has and continues to put our...
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Ruby Crystal
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7
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549
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Getting Serious
(Preview)
Well this waiting for a job thing is just not working for me .. lol. I get finger printed on Friday however UGH .. I hate waiting and then I always think UGH .. what if it doesn't workout then I'm totally screwed. It's not that I'm worried .. it's more of UGH .. hurry up already. I will be 2 weeks without a ch...
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SerenityRUS
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7
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439
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Tonight's the night
(Preview)
Well, My AH told me that The guy he meets with on Wednesday night Bible Study sent him a message asking if he would be there tonight. When my AH said Yes, the guy said "GREAT!" (he is the one that's going to talk with him) MY AH said "I think he gets lonely." So he has no clue it's coming...
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Tired-of-it
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10
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609
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I feel like I've abonanded him
(Preview)
so ah has been staying with his parents for a week now. He has had minimal contact, a few texts saying all the right things, he needs help, he's having a breakdown, he accepts he needs to stop etc! But everyday he has been drunk, not turning up for work, now drinking in the morning. Action speak louder than...
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Beanie1
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8
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605
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Rock bottom with a dry drunk
(Preview)
I'm at rock bottom. Two years ago I fell in love with an older man who is intelligent, charismatic, adventurous, kind-hearted and compassionate; he is also an alcoholic. Out of ignorance, I felt the disease would not manifest as a problem in our relationship, as he has been proudly sober for 17 years...
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CaitlinTait28
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7
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591
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Struggling to detach with love
(Preview)
I'm new to al-anon, but have found in the few weeks of learning about it, I've taken to it like a sponge to water. Everything I read and hear, resonates and I'm amazed how many stories there are like mine and the hope and inspiration I can get from them. I have found, that I'm really struggling with the ide...
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Laurie16
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5
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583
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Gratitude
(Preview)
I have lots to be grateful for. Nothing is perfect and its becoming more and more okay with me, including myself. Im okay with my shortcomings, knowing im working on them , slowly, is enough right now. Its not a race but a journey, right? Im grateful for the weather today, its sunny and cool, i love the col...
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el-cee
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4
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456
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Anger as a healthy release
(Preview)
I don't know if people remember the Mathew Wayne Sheppard hate crime it's been a long while. I watched a very moving documentary about him from the stand point of his friends, parents and it gave a beautiful overview of who he was as a human being. If you haven't watched MWS was a Friend of Mine I highly e...
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SerenityRUS
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5
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641
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Boundaries
(Preview)
My exAbf offered the second bedroom of our house (he is still on the lease) to a friend of his from treatment. He didn't consult me, and just said he did it and said "he doesn't know what he's going to do his fiancé kicked him out, all he wants to is stay sober"
So here's where my brain is doing f...
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Crau
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4
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422
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expectations
(Preview)
I see I have to high expectations of everything around me and with me. This really hit home for me yesterday when I went and seen the doctor. I have been sick for a year now, nearly died once. I survived 2 intensive care stints and been off work for a year now. After leaving the hospital, after a month, I stil...
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joker
|
0
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355
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Courage To Change 9/3
(Preview)
Today's reading addresses knowing the difference between HP's will and my own. It points out that struggling to choose one path over another steals our serenity from us. The writer suggests that a desperate urge to act is usually a sign that they are acting out their own will, and a calm certainty is a s...
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missmeliss
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2
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456
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from the beginning- looking for guidance
(Preview)
Recently someone close to me reached out for help for the first time. I told them that if they are going to work on it, then I am going to be right there with them. My first step is finding someplace with long term recovery, but I have no idea where to start. I have a few names and numbers for places near here...
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stj
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2
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5287
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The Gifts That MIP/Al-Anon Has Given Me
(Preview)
I did not want everyone to think that I disappeared because there is something wrong! On the contrary, all that I have learned and absorbed here from all of you has made my life incredibly better, especially having you all as friends. I noticed, as time went on, that all those questions you ask yoursel...
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Debb
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5
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861
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Is Al-Anon for me??????
(Preview)
Hi all. My boyfriend has just gone into treatment for alcoholism. I was just wondering if Al-Anon is right for me? A little about me, I have been living with alcoholics my entire life starting with my dad. Me myself drink maybe once a year and only about two or three drinks at that. My bf and I have bee...
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Andie69
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4
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539
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What do you say when they say, "sorry"?
(Preview)
Sometimes after a slip up my AH will come to me and apologize. Last night was one of those nights, I was able to detach from him. I had very little interaction with him in that state. This morning he calls me on my way to work to say "sorry" for last night. I struggle with how to respond to him. Tod...
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CoopsMom
|
8
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768
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Relationships
(Preview)
Good morning. I was in meditation this morning and reading some daily readings on co-dependency and I had two thoughts that entered my mind about relationships. My relationships with people (my ABF) is a reflection of me. His drinking and insanity is a reflection of my insanity within me and I react t...
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joker
|
7
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967
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Hope for Today March 8
(Preview)
Good morning everyone-- There are so many messages of strength and hope in this reading. Much of it is a discussion of the alanon pamphlet "A Guide for the Family of the Alcoholic". The first part of today's reading mentions that there are times that the As in our lives may use some of the di...
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yanksfan51
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2
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559
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all i want is for him to stop drinking this way
(Preview)
i tried tracking how often my husband drinks and the level of alcohol intake (light, moderate, heavy). he does not really drink daily but i can feel his desire to get a drink and i really feel disappointed. i know he wants to have a drink so often ... what stops him sometimes is he knows that i don't really f...
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jocelgp
|
9
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1271
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Telling my story...
(Preview)
I have for so many years kept the truth of my exAbf drinking from so many because I was embarrassed. and then through al anon and sharing my story with those in and out of it; it realized I'm not alone. And the judgement I placed on myself for the choices I made to keep my life to myself until it all when to hell...
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Crau
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3
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927
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question?
(Preview)
divorce will be final in 5mths,AH is in rehab,havnt and dont see oe speak to him anymoe. he is very ill physically and mentally.his sister taking care of his affairs. im with new sober guy for over 3mths i embrace alanon principles for my life. but do i need face to face meetings anymore. i feel depressed...
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YARNCRAZY
|
7
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449
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Stuck in the middle....
(Preview)
So I live with my AH and my mother whom I would describe as an untreated Al Anon. My mother has her own place in the basement. The two of them don't get along very well. Wait, let me revise that....when forced to deal directly with each other they are just fine. When I am not present (at work or what not) a...
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KT2015
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4
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480
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Preparing for a visit: any advice on dealing with enabler?
(Preview)
Hi, I'm new to this forum, so if there are previous posts on this topic that would be of benefit, please direct me there! Also, I wasn't sure whether to post this in ACoA or Family forum. Please correct me if I'm in the wrong forum. My mom is nearly 70 and unquestionably an alcoholic. My dad, over 70, is her e...
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Lightningfire
|
7
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564
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Feeling confused
(Preview)
I have been married 20 years and a year ago filed for divorce after a long 5 years of AH's alcoholism. We have 2 daughters, ages 13 and 16. In December he said he loved me and the girls; 2 weeks later he met a girl and moved in with her. We have not lived together for the last year. 3 weeks ago he got a DWI and t...
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Gerlinggirl
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3
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362
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I need a fix...
(Preview)
It is not what you are thinking...I need a fix on this site. It has been killing me to not be able to post on here. I guess I have been able to keep up w/ the goings on a bit from my stupid smart phone. I hope I don't sneeze on this computer...wouldn't that be a hoot. My body has been killing me since I came down w/ t...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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414
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peace then chaos (after the drink or craving), peace then chaos. is this the situation i'm suppose to accept?
(Preview)
a few days ago i hate him so much for his behavior & i really wish he'd be gone, i'm thinking about giving up on our marriage. now his mood is changing back to his good self, everything is ok, there's peace in our home. is this how things will be for the rest of my life? peace then chaos (after the drink or c...
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jocelgp
|
9
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1104
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Rejoice the alcoholic is falling apart
(Preview)
I just remembered reading from Toby Rice Drew material on line regarding alcoholism and she says when the alcoholic starts to have problems due to his drinking, rejoice he is nearing his bottom. Well, sure enough the ABF called me on Sunday yesterday and he was drunk and sitting in his vehicle. It was 8...
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joker
|
4
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534
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Crap
(Preview)
For as long as I can remember I have been the receiver of crap. Layers upon layers of crap that weigh me down to the point when I look in the mirror I just see crap. So tired of lugging all that stuff around with me all day long and not being able to make anyone happy. Even now after just surrendering to AH d...
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Fooled
|
6
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565
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C2C 3-7
(Preview)
Not sure whose turn it is to post today so I decided to do it at 2PM ESTThe C2C reading for March 7 points out that when we begin to look at ourselves" honestly", we see that we need to make changes. After a lifetime of living with the disease of attitudes and alcoholism, we have been affected in...
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hotrod
|
1
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403
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He never left
(Preview)
This is insanity of this desease,in the past he done just that he left with out saying a word just vanished in thin air,this time my neighbor had called him to come over and fix their fridge that had been broken for several mthis,I feel crazy for posting my last post of he left,I'm sorry do sorry for that ,m...
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lookingup
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1
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481
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Seeking Advice
(Preview)
Hi All; I have been living with an A for 3 years and have been married since August last year. My family and I have known about his issue almost from the get go and have called him on it on occasion (me more so than my folks). During conversations, he has admitted he has a problem and then the next day he feel...
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bryalm
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8
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664
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stuck in craziness and the logistics always stump me
(Preview)
Just got off the phone with my AH. My heart is hurting. By the end of the conversation, I was fairly sure he had been drinking - at 10 am, which is unusual - but as usual, am not totally sure. Doesn't really matter - he acted crazy whether drunk or not. He is so angry that I moved out. One moment he "total...
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oceanpine
|
2
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472
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Keeping our side of the street clean ????
(Preview)
How is this done ? After listening to my addicts and seeing them day in day out their talk being mostly about where,how what ever in to get to a doctor or find them a doctor to get what they call their meds,to keep from getting or being dope sick ,even my next door neighbors are in it,it's like it's their exis...
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lookingup
|
2
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468
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Intervention (of sorts) scheduled for Wednesday
(Preview)
Well, I think the plan is that One of the 3 guys that mt AH meets with on Wednesday's for bible Study, is going to talk with him. The other guy is going to stay home. This guy is about 15 years older then him (in his 70's) and my AH thinks a lot of him. So Hopefully, my AH will be open minded enough to listen and tak...
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Tired-of-it
|
5
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430
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Feeling compassion and concern and have turned that over to HP
(Preview)
Cause there wasn't ever anything I could do about it which drove me insane. My present wife told me this morning that when she was coming home from down town she turned a corner and saw a woman walking on a town side walk with a larger parrot on each shoulder, a puppy in a shopping basket and another on a le...
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Jerry F
|
4
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383
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a positive surprise.
(Preview)
hello friends, It has been a turbulent week. I had asked my husband to leave. he did. Came back for one night for a job interview. the next day we had a horrible fight where I said I was completely done. I said to get his own place and a job and a urine test for sobriety or he couldn't come home. So a few d...
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Rachel Blue
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5
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307
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Why does my AH say this????
(Preview)
OK, my AH has been fired from every good job he has ever had for the past 12 years, for being completely irresponsible------(a trait of an alcoholic????? I wonder) .....so he gets drunk every night on his way home from his menial job. Then he screams at me about 3 times a week saying I should divorce him a...
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Inga
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18
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985
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confused and lost
(Preview)
I am new to this site, actually I have never posted on any board or chatroom at all but feel so desperate and lost I dont know where to turn.I have been with M for 15 years ( married for a year and half). Id say I noticed a problem with his drink about a year ago which became a constant source of conflict. Becaus...
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NOGGIN
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9
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485
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Can we speak about Drug addicts as well?
(Preview)
My husband has been in out of recovery his whole life for alcoholism and drug addiction. As long as I've known him I have never seen him drink or do drugs until now. I have been seeing symptom's of drug abuse emerging. Nothing tangible just deceitful behavior regarding finances and symptoms which le...
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Shazz
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7
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724
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