The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for March 12 speals about "absorbing" other people's moods and having them affect us negatively. It points out that arguing with someone who is intoxicated is like beating my head against the wall, yet prior to program ,I always dove right into the arguments because that is what the other person seemed to want.
(This is one of the ways I lost myself,abandoned my principles, and became just like the alcoholic).
With Al-Anon tools , we can discover that we don't have to "react"just because we have been provoked and we don't have to take harsh words to heart. We can stop, take a deep breath and not surrender our serenity so easily.
Detachment with love means that I stop depending upon what others do, say or feel to determine my own well-being. When faced with other people's destructive attitudes and behavior, I can love their best and never fear the worst.
The quote is from, In All Our Affairs; "Detachment is not caring less, it is caring more for my own serenity."
Powerful reminder I found that I had worked very hard to attain serenity, I was not willing to surrender it to insanity . Once I learned how to NOT REACT ( go on automatic ) but to "respond" in a healthy fashion--life and my relationships improved
Ah, I needed this one today.
Daughter has inherited the passive aggressive gene (in my family you're more likely to be missing a head than missing the passive aggressive gene). So when she is in a bad mood she "innocently" questions me about things she knows irritate me into a frenzy until I lose my patience and she then feels justified in storming out, slamming the door to her room and making sure I hear her calling a friend to loudly proclaim what a B%^$ her mother is. I know the trick; i invented it. And spent years modelling it for her. The art of handing your miserable angry feelings to someone else and then crucifying them for having them. Tag, you're it.
I actually started to snap tonight and then remembered having read this and stopped mid snarl, held up my hand and smiled and said "nope", kissed her on the forehead and left her to it. I don't have to feel miserable and angry just because someone else wants me to. Plus if it doesn't work hopefully she will learn to try more constructive ways of feeling better.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Hello ladies -- busy busy weekend! All good busy but still busy....
Thank you Betty for the daily and your ESH. You too MissMel.
I used to quickly absorb the moods of those around me and was always ready to react. I am so grateful that the program has helped me change me and practice better living and thinking. I am free to pause and free to choose reacting, leaving, nodding, nothing. How free do I feel when I use my program and tools to affect a different outcome?
I have come to value my serenity enough to just not 'do' what I used to do and feel good about that choice.
(((HUGS))) to all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
