Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Discernment
Post Info TOPIC: Discernment
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Discernment
Permalink  

i think discernment is my new go to word.

 

I need to keep it at the top of my head

along with judgements. They go together

in my new world. 

 

By being in recovery my underbelly is exposd

and raw. I need to keep it protected and secure

without walls being up and closed off.

 

I need recovery in many areas they are all converging

and emerging. I just need to stay strong and walk

thru them with God holding my hand. We do pretty

good most days. Its the human aspect i struggle

with yet i need humans and the support.

 

This is where discernment comes in, just talk to 

supportive good people who have your best interest 

at heart. There are people who do not so just leave

them where they are at.

 

How hard is It to show empathy and compassion,

To me that is part of the human condition or it should 

be. I am not talking enabling or codependent behaviors.

 

i know that shoe fits on the other side of things too,

i am very aware of that. I have enough of my own

judgements about myself And my relationships Of 

what i allowed. I own my stuff i do not want or accept

others stuff. I just hand it right back to them. I am

getting pretty good with that. 

 

Sorry to vent just something i really need to stay 

mindful of. I see so much growth when others are 

accorded the same curtesyies. Loving supportive

encouragement if they are going forward and really

working It. Love gentleness and kindness help people

going toward the light. 

 

I realize i am not 100 % alanon many times i kind of just do

my own thing. I lived with and around enough controlling

And Abusive behaviors to last a lifetime. No more letting 

it in or near me. I still have the worst one to content with,

Thats a big challenge my boundaries are pretty firm. I 

pray for a good outcome for me. 

 

Hugs and thank you for letting me vent, i have discussed this

topic before on here, Open up to loving supportive people And

leave the rest.

 

Its not my nature and i am finding it hard to change my nature.

I love people, i love to interact yet i do not like being mindful.Thats

where discernment comes in. Another life lesson and learning healthy

skills. 

 

((((( hugs)))))

 



__________________
Michael72


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 63
Date:
Permalink  

I'm one of the "special" people who had to go look up the definition to see what was going on......

((((MirandaC))))

__________________
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

Its like judgements that was never big word in
My vocabulary. Its was not something i did often
I pretty much believed in live and let live and went
About my business of living my life.

Now in recovery some things and situations need
To be addessed. Change and growing is hard work.

(((( hugs ))))

__________________
Iamhere


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:
Permalink  

Nice share (((girl))) - makes sense to me......my sons have been 'needy' this week and I've been distracted by that. A huge part of me wants to fix things for them and another part of me wants to avoid them. I'm looking to be the best I can be without going backwards in actions, thoughts, deeds.

I have stayed close to my program friends & sponsor this week. That's where I can safely share what my mind is thinking and my heart is feeling. Your post sounds spot on - keep it up!!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:
Permalink  

Great awareness Mirandac Your growth, honesty and wisdom are a great asset to MIP.
Thanks for being here .

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

Thank you for your love and support.

I need to learn to reach out more in my home
Group. Most do their own thing, some friendly,
Some do not show any empathy or concern and
You get that straight ahead look, you Expect from
total strangers. Meetings are Definitely strange
bed fellows.

The meetings are good. Thats what i go for, For
me to go forward. I Usually hear what i Need to
hear so i can grow and change. There are enough
good and supportive People if i use discernment.

((((( hugs )))))



__________________
missmeliss


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1887
Date:
Permalink  

This is all new territory for me too. I lived most of my life being certain EVERYONE was good, kind and caring at heart and if I treated them with limitless kindness, they would do the same back.
Then when i was forced to accept that isn't the case, I swung the other way and, probably the most negative side to my "rude awakening" so far has been developing a mistrust and even aversion to others.
Good that you can acknowledge that you still need others. I don't know that I'm that far along yet.
Food for thought.
Hugs!!
(((Mirandac)))


__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

You need others Melly. Its the getting Brave
and getting out there which you are doing.

God works thru people helping People.

Here we go again about discernment,
You need the right people.

((((( melly )))))

__________________
littlelionman


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 90
Date:
Permalink  

This has been my favorite word over the last week or so :)

__________________
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

It is funny how our vocabulary is so Different.

In recovery you are so exposed and vulnerable.

Letting good people in and living healthier is
The goal also having balance in your life.

Then there is still the family, (ex)spouses,
they too need to be dealt with in a healthy
fashion.

((( littlelionman))))

__________________
Ifnotforgrace


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 43
Date:
Permalink  

Discernment is a Mature Assessment of what is..or that which is perceived based on data, more so than opinion. I used to confuse that with judgment. Being Judgmental is not stating an opinion or even labeling something as "good" or "bad". Being judgmental is when based on one quality of someone or something one concludes about his whole nature, about all his other qualities. It is when someone judges his wholeness based on one aspect. It is prejudice. As a result, I work very hard at not being judgmental. At the same time, What other people think about me is none of my business

My experience has taught me people are quick in labeling statements of others as judgmental. One expresses an opinion during an argument and the other accuses him of being judgmental. We all have been in both sides of this situation, sometimes as the accuser, sometimes as the accused.

Is expression of an opinion means we are judgmental? So what is judgmental then?

I find, being judgmental does not mean stating an opinion. Even saying that something is "bad" or "good" is not necessarily judgmental (some will argue that labeling something as "good" or "bad" is wrong. That's another discussion but it is not necessarily judgmental). Not being judgmental does not mean to be opinion-less, spineless, non-skeptical, not being exquisite, being indifferent to whatever. If this was the case then no discussion or analysis of reality would be able.

Discernment is something we become capable of as we acquire the skills of detachment and build confidence. We are no longer in denial, we realize we have choices and we live based on principles, not emotions. Detachment is the separation of emotion from situations and it allows for HONEST assessments that are not made in anger or in attempts to manipulate outcomes. Discernment is a form of wisdom and it seldom comes without the price of experience.




__________________

IF you can not be a good example; then you will just have to be a horrible warning
Mirandac


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:
Permalink  

In sane

You made me laugh. I had a lifetime
Of experience. Much i learned my life
Lessons in reverse from my mother.

I saw what not to do, how not to treat
People,what happens when we abuse
Others.

I had much more clarity after going to
Therapy years ago and detaching and
Moving out of harms way.

I just should not have married so soon.
It was a matter of only four years.

(((( hugs )))))

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Discernment