The material presented
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to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i tried tracking how often my husband drinks and the level of alcohol intake (light, moderate, heavy). he does not really drink daily but i can feel his desire to get a drink and i really feel disappointed. i know he wants to have a drink so often ... what stops him sometimes is he knows that i don't really feel good about it. i want to let go, i want to tell myself to detach from the situation, not to feel anything, to make him "non-existent" when he drinks, he drinks to the max, he's the last one to stop even asking the others to have more. oh, how i hate him when he does this! all i want is for him to stop drinking this way. how i wish to see the day when a glass or two is enough. i always pray to God to help us, i just wanted to have a normal life
I do believe everyone on this Board and in the Worldwide Fellowship of Alanon have uttered the exact words as you have just shared.
Alcoholism is a terrible disease. One of the symptom of the disease is the denial that it exists. This denial is on the part of the family and the drinker.
We are powerless over this disease in others but we can find recovery over the dreadful effects of ths disease in us, in the rooms of al anon.
Meetings, living one day at a time, focusing on ourselves, gratitude lists, steps all work together to free our minds, body and spirit from the negative effects of living daily with this insanity. We become better able to take constructive actions and live our lives
We have meetings here 3xs a day and a chat room Please join us-- Break the isolation and begin to feel the freedom.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 5th of February 2011 10:45:40 AM
I think God is answering your prayer... here you are. That's the way it happened for me too, I prayed and prayed for the suffering to end, and then, there was al-anon.
If you are honest, open, and willing, (the HOW of the program) things can change for you, as they did for me. If you can honestly look at your post, you can see that your focus is completely on him and that is making you miserable.... those thoughts are causing you to suffer. In al-anon, we learn to focus on ourselves... that's the part we have some control over, we have no control over the alcoholic. It may seem like you do when you observe that he is reacting to your disappointment in him.... but if he is alcoholic, he will choose that drink over you every time. That's just the way it is, it is not personal, the compulsion takes over.
I hope you look for al-anon meetings in your area, and let yourself be blessed by this fellowship of people who have walked in your shoes. Take your seat and listen to how they have coped and found peace despite the insanity of alcoholism. Keep an open mind and be willing to practice what they are doing and you will begin to feel better. That is how it works and it can happen for you too.
Keep in mind, your husbands drinking is just a symptom of the real problem. The real problem is the thinking... that is true for us, as well. The solution is to change our thinking. Remember though... you cannot do anything about his problem, we are powerless over alcohol.... my life had become unmanageable because I just didn't want to accept that. The more I fought it, the more insane I became.
So... today is the day to do something different. Look in your local phone book for al-anon meetings and make a plan to go. Begin your recovery. Let him live his life, it's time to get off his back and take care of YOU. This will feel soooo much better. You will begin to feel "normal" again because you will realize that in all this insanity, you had forgotten about yourself, that is what we do.
I'm glad you're here. Please come back and tell us how you're doing. (((hugs)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Aloha Joce...a part of your desire and wish is also the alcoholic's desire and wish. So many of them wish they could just have "two" and let it go at that however those who can do that regularly or anytime they start at "one" you will rarely hear about. Alcoholism is a compulsion of the mind and an allergy of the body in that the alcoholic has lost the ability to control their drinking. The alcohol has taken over their ability to think and is in control. If they don't drink they will experience the pain of not drinking and if they do drink they will experience the pain of drinking in excess. This is a disease with it's own set of symptoms. It is not a sympton of some other thing. Alcoholics don't drink because they have problems (there are too many other alternatives than just drinking) they have problems because they drink. And so do those in relation to the alcoholic and mostly worse because they don't have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality therefore they go thru the chaos wide awake while the alcoholic doesn't. Alcoholism can never be cured. It is arrested by total abstinence. If the alcoholic was to stop drinking for awhile and then return often it will be worse than before. The alcoholic has but three choices, sobriety, insanity and/or death. The family and friends of the alcoholic have much the same three choices...serenity, insanity and/or death.
I wanted my alcoholic to just stop being a problem (to me) drinker until I came to understand that I was powerless over that and needed another way of living and thinking. That is what Al-Anon and MIP has done for me. Thank You HP for both of those gems in my life. Keep coming back Joce. This will work when you work it. (((((hugs)))))
I know all to well how your feeling. I wanted my fiance to stop drinking. I would search for hidden alcohol or drugs. I was driving myself insane. He was doing it behind my back. I would then get depressed and the resentment would build up. I was obsessed with his addiction. If he abstained I would be okay. when he drank I would be miserable.
I started going to alanon 3 weeks ago. I am still absorbing it. I decided to go because I needed support from those who uderstand.
My alcoholic/addict in my life is in AA. He is doing 90 meeting in 90 days.
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Take it one day at a time. If that is too much take it a minute at a time.
When he drinks he drinks to the max -- what really matters here is when he does drink is how it affects you , if husb has a problem learning to drink socially is not an option its all or nothing .. I hope you find some meetings in your area you need support learn all you can about this disease and how it has affected YOUR life , learn to detach with love which requires acceptance , you dont have to like whats going on or condone it just accept that you cannot change it , you can only change your attitude when he drinks . we cannot control other people , get the focus back on you where it belongs , get your life back on track work this program to the best of your ability and your life will get easier . Obsessing about someone else robs us of a our own lives , we let friendships go , we blame other people for thier drinking , so we avoid them and eventually end up alone with HIS problem .. find meetings talk to people who truly understand how u feel . Louise
Thanks to all of you who replied on my posts way back 2011. Looking back I think I didn't quite understand your replies that time, but reading again thru them, this time I understood what you all meant. Thank you for your care then and now. Hugs to all of you.
It's already 2016. As I was looking for more Al-anon materials in the internet I came across this Step Work Board logo which seemed familiar. I tried checking the website, logged-in (tried my luck w/ my usual credentials) and I was amazed to find out that I was already here in 2011. Wow, I realized it took me 5 years to understand what Al-anon has been telling me. So I guess the journey to get myself healed started way long ago but started attending to it just this year on a daily basis. Anyways, I'd like to let you know that I'm a work in progress. Though there's still no f2f meeting in my place, I am using all available options. I'm now working on my steps. Thank you so much and God Bless us all.
jocelgp - welcome back! We arrive when we are ready - great to have you back with us.
There are meetings here twice a day (see top left) and they are great esp. when you can't get to local ones.
Keep coming back!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
