The material presented
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I don't know if people remember the Mathew Wayne Sheppard hate crime it's been a long while. I watched a very moving documentary about him from the stand point of his friends, parents and it gave a beautiful overview of who he was as a human being. If you haven't watched MWS was a Friend of Mine I highly encourage it. It's about more than a young man who happens to be gay and who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
What struck me was towards the end and what the family Priest had to say about Mathew and what happened to him to one of his best friends. We should never forget the anger, horror and lessons of what happened to Mathew. We should find a way to embrace all of that and let it be ok because Mathew created something positive out of a horrific end. Now don't quote me on that .. lol .. that was what I took away.
This is what I liked about what the priest said, .. it is ok to be angry. It is ok to be sad. It is ok to be mad at the act of what happened. He was asked if he thought the young men who did the horrible act had any good in their heart. He had such an interesting response by saying it's so complicated because one act is not all of who they are. He admitted in meeting the young man who was up for capital punishment some of the young man's comments it was difficult to keep his own composure in dealing with him. He was no different than Mathew Sheppard in terms of being a child of God in his eyes. His bff burst into tears and that's when the priest made the comments about the anger and allowing her to be ok with it as a way to heal.
Mathew's Dad said something profound in terms of Mathew's short life he wanted to change the world and in some respects he did, not the way his father would have chosen however he touched more people than those who live a full lifetime. His life was not wasted or even to short it was what it needed to be to induce the change. His parents are truly people who know how to act with humility as well as true forgiveness. His father's letter to the courts and the young man who took away his son's life was so very powerful.
It did remind me that anger is a great motivator of change. Embracing the sadness, anger and pain turning into something that just is, vs allowing a situation to define and control my life. I took away that MWS was not a victim, a very unique individual who through his death evoked great change and thought about the inability to see past stereotypes or fears.
It got me thinking about some of what I'm dealing with at the moment and asking myself what kind of grace and dignity I have to offer outside of my own inner circle.
It is interesting that people do want to hide and cover anger, sadness and fear as quickly as they can and not allow time to process those feelings. I am a big one about dealing with all different kinds of emotions and not just covering them up. How much power to give those specific emotions and how much healing is healthy vs sometimes it is good to remember the painful episodes if nothing else to serve as a warning not to make the same mistakes again.
Anyway, I had a good cry which I needed .. lol .. and it served to be a reminder that feelings are not facts they just are and all are healthy and unhealthy as we allow them to be.
Hugs S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
Thanks Serenity I must say that alanon gave me the ability to own my feelings,feel them, talk about them and then not react to them but to process then and respond in a healthy fashion. I never learned that growing up. What I did learn was: angry- yell -fight hit someone , sad, turn it to anger and blame another etc . I hide my feelings because I did not have the tools to express them in a healthy fashion.
Alanon gave me permission to be human, own all of myself even negative feeling and then the tools to live life on life's term. Expressing my feeling s such as" I am angry and feel" was so foreign to me in the beginning. Then looking for my part in the situation and letting go of the anger without holding resentmen or feelings of vengence was a gift.
I am grateful and truly honor those people who can do this in the wake of a terrible incident
Serenity - I vaguely remember the story and have not seen the documentary, but will add it to my 'things to do list'.....
I try to go through what I am feeling as timely as possible. For me, this has been a year of loss - people keep passing from this life. I honestly haven't had time to process the grief from the first one, and know that it's 'there' under the surface as well as the rest of the losses. I missed 3 funerals this past week because I was sick. Because of this program, I accepted that outcome straight up and feel that God was suggesting that was not where I needed to be, just for now...
I am so grateful that the program does allow me to be who I need to be when I need to. I used to be one that would have kept servicing others and neglecting my own health. I don't have to do that any longer, and nobody loves me any less. My distorted views before Al-Anon would have projected others judging me for missing. My crazy-making mind could really go into overdrive before this program.
I am so glad you got to cry during this and realize where you are at. I believe we are truly gifted when we work this program. We have the choice to be 'real', which I didn't feel I had before.
(((Hugs))) - thanks for sharing...I too believe it's OK to be angry! It's what we do with that powerful emotion that matters. My goal now is to find my part, grow, heal and deal....not necessarily in that order.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Interestingly enough I was talking with a girlfriend of mine who is dealing with residual justified anger over a situation I probably would be wearing prison orange over. We have been talking a lot about letting go, and forgiveness. Which is very hard to do when you are in the middle of the chaos.
It brought me to a thought though, ..
Was the father/mother's ultimate justice to allow this young man to sit in jail until he dies, possibly at some point he has a day of reckoning in terms of what him and his friend did to this innocent young man. There is no way out, he sits every single day in a cell and the only way out is to die. There is no parole.
So ultimate forgiveness or ultimate justice? Would it have been more humane to allow the death penalty and relieve him of living with what he did?
Sorry my mind is going a million miles a minute today .. lol .. and that was just one of the many things that has been swirling around.
__________________
Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
