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Help with 'detaching with love'
(Preview)
My husband has recently (under duress from me) sought help from his doctor for his alcoholism. His doctor has referred him to a specialist alcohol dependence team. This is after years of him drinking to excess and in the last couple of years drinking in secret and drinking at any and every opportuni...
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Teddybear1
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5
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506
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dealt with shaken
(Preview)
decided not to tell new guy about XAH's call but thought XAH deserves some reconition after 25 yrs, so printed simple note and sent it. thanking him for all the concerts, trips and gifts i recieved from him. Also thanking him for the support when i was sick and also support when i was grieving the loss of m...
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YARNCRAZY
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5
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493
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Hurting today
(Preview)
hi everybody- i haven't posted in a while other than my Tuesday shares. I am having a hard time today. About to put my house on the market, and after almostvthree years apart and my ex AH begging and pleading with me he has now met someone new. There is no earthly reason that I am bothered by this but I am h...
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yanksfan51
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10
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540
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High anxiety!
(Preview)
I am taking a trip with my mother to visit my sister. My mother is elderly and wants to visit my sister in alaska one more time. So I volunteered to go with her. Now I know its a very dumb idea. My mother is an alcholi and severely codependent and nasty with her tongue at times. My sister and I have suffer...
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Minniegirl
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2
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396
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Courage to Change 27/6
(Preview)
Today's c2c is about sponsoring, and how we might reject the idea of sponsoring someone because we believe that we don't have enough recovery or, wqe don't have enough to offer another person. The reading suggests that our HP brings into our lives people that can help us grow, so if someone asks us to sp...
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missmeliss
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3
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361
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Step 12
(Preview)
Learn How The Twelve Steps Work.Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery togethttp://stepwork.activeboard.com/t62328663/alanon-ste...
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hotrod
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2
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407
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Becoming a sponsor
(Preview)
Hello and good evening to all I am looking for some suggestions from anyone who has experienced being a sponsor. I have been in Al anon for 3 years and I've worked the steps and traditions with a sponsor. I was recently asked by a newcomer if I could sponsor them a month ago but I told her I felt I wasn't rea...
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Sandy408
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2
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482
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Bruising
(Preview)
The other day we were at a family get together at my son and his girlfriends house. Her 83 year old grandmother was there and she asked my ah if he was on coumadin,a blood thinner. Being the first time shes met my ah she doesn't know him. But i wanted to tell her his blood thinner is an excessive amount of busc...
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pixie
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6
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586
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Please remind me
(Preview)
I'm back again for the 3rd time granted I never should of left because I still needed to get better , but thinking since I was not living in the alcoholics life at that time I thought I was better. Well back living with my ex AH with the attempt to try it again to bring the family back together . Well he back in A...
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Hope floats
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3
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545
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Drama
(Preview)
What is this thing called "drama" ? We were subdued by an alcoholic father, so we could never express our feelings let alone have drama! Is it a minipulative maneuver?, r people bored and need excitement? Is it mostly in alcoholic families? Any input would help me learn about this...... Linsc
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LinSC
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6
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458
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Shaken
(Preview)
Hey I wish all of you were with me last night. I havnt spoken to soon to be XAH IN 6MTHS. Last night he called and i actually spoke to him. he has been sober over 100 days. He was crying about the divorce and how he missed me etc. I thought to myself, maybe this isnt such a good idea for me to carry on this conversa...
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YARNCRAZY
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3
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316
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it is 5 am & i am at my wits end.
(Preview)
What do I do? I have been struggling w getting up at 3 or 4 in the morning & no one is up! I have insomnia & have had it for a very long time. I take meds but they don't always work. I even go to bed early. So the reason might be obsessive thinking or something else. I know you aren't professional people....
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Hoot Nanny
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11
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492
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Courage to Change Reading 6-26-2016
(Preview)
The C2C reading for June 26 talks about" Forgiveness". It points out that when we come to Al-Anon we may be full of bitterness towards many people. However,in time, we discover that this bitterness only hurts ourselves more than anyone else and determine that we need to search for another way.We als...
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hotrod
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1
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425
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New to Al-anon, trying to work through shame.
(Preview)
Hi all, My husband and I just spent 4 days visiting my (alcoholic) brother who recently had a stroke and has permanent brain damage. That relationship (brother and I) has been strained for years but I feel so terribly sorry for him and his family over this situation. I feel like my husband is focusing...
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wendy010989
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4
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407
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When a recovering alcoholic has arrested development
(Preview)
Does he/she ever mature and grow up? What does it take? linsc -- Edited by LinSC on Wednesday 22nd of June 2016 07:23:53 PM
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LinSC
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6
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820
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Struggling with fear, insecurity, and self doubt
(Preview)
Can anyone else relate? I have a great life today. I'm in a far better place than I was just 18 months-2 years ago. I have a decent job (the pay isn't great and there's no health benefits, but the job is in an industry I enjoy and the people I work with are great and it's only 8 miles from home). I have a man i...
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andromeda
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11
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1049
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Courage to Change Reading 6-25
(Preview)
The C2C reading for June 25 speaks about Step Six. This is the Step that asks that we become entirely ready for God to remove our defects. The reading suggests these defects are like roadblocks that keep us stranded and unable to freely travel life's many roads.The reading points out, that one of...
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hotrod
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2
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460
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Daughter and son-in-law went on a bender last night... How do I handle it?
(Preview)
My daughter and son-in-law were a few years sober. They have been having hard times financially in the last couple of months. He lost his job as a result of taking prescribed pain pills for a swollen ankle. He doctor shopped and became addicted quickly. They both avoided this as if it wasn't happeni...
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ConfusedMom2605
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2
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431
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Need some advice
(Preview)
Hello everyone, this is the first time I've ever participated in something like this -- where I'm seeking advice about my problems. I usually just hide everything bc I am embarrassed it is happening to me and I'm having a difficult time accepting truth. I have been married 15 months to my husband who ha...
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Carrot
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4
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448
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The Knots Prayer...
(Preview)
A friend of mine posted this prayer on Facebook.....just wanted to share it here - it's a lovely prayer!!The Knots Prayer Dear God: Please untie the knots that are in my mind, my heart and my life. Remove the have nots, the can nots and the do nots that I have in my mind.Erase the will nots, may nots, migh...
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Iamhere
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4
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358
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Healthy anger
(Preview)
I love and embrace my healthy anger, I am no longer a doormat. I am still a little prickly, i do not people Please or hand any one else my power, Anymore. This program has given me so much Inner healing. I now have good strong boundaries. i still do not like conflict but will forge Ahead if its needed to p...
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Mirandac
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4
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316
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Courage to Change (C2C) 6/24/16
(Preview)
Good morning MIP family and TGIF!!! Today's reading is all about finding miracles and seeing our success in that which happens each day, big or small. The reading starts out with a fable about a farmer who is wanting to increase production of eggs from his hens. He decides to charm them all day long,...
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Iamhere
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3
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417
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Fed up and angry
(Preview)
Oh I've been angry this week. Angry angry angry! It all came to a head today and now it doesn't have such a hold on me. My mom did something unkind to me and I took it personally, my AH was holding a resentment towards me....and I took it personally, my boss got annoyed and sent me a critical email and .......
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KT2015
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6
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598
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Moving on my mind
(Preview)
hi everybody ,been missing my home group here,missing you all,I've been checking and reading a lot in the aca online group,very awesome I saw myself over n over in the laundry lists,scary at 1st.i accepted it,and went on about my wanting to learn more.ive also had moving on my mind last few days,im 53 y...
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lookingup
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4
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494
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i did engage this time
(Preview)
I got so fed up this morning w my AH. It was over some petty thing & I lost it! He said I said. I yelled. Tried to defend myself really.long story. I cried apologized for my behavior my side of the street. He eventually got quiet & sad. The thing is he made a statement that said that how did he put up w me...
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Hoot Nanny
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3
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416
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Not again!...
(Preview)
Since my last post my AH died. We had been living apart for 5 years.. I was doing some dating but no one special. I was unhappy and alone. I hit bottom one day and asked God to help me find someone special... Well the next day I went to a wedding and a man asked me to dance. It was so natural he was widowed. I was st...
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alexmaui
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4
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507
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A Cunning and Baffling Disease
(Preview)
I remember hearing the saying,The man takes a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes the man.Today this feels very powerful. There is no such thing as drinking normally in our alcoholic home. There is drinking until its gone, and then drinking some more, and then getting sick and s...
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Bethany66
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12
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871
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Daily Life
(Preview)
Hi All I am new to Alanon and so you may all be way ahead of me on this. I made a decision about 3 months ago that I have to leave my abf of 10 years, we have 2 small boys. However due to financial and practical issues I cant leave now and so I'm trying to use the steps to make it bearable, and to put myself in the best...
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lisa sa
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2
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522
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Courage to Change (C2C) 6/23/16
(Preview)
Today's courage to change reading is about honesty. The reminder ---- "I know that honesty is an essential part of the Twelve Steps. I am willing to be more honest with myself today." Today's quote ---- "Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?" Being honest in recovery takes courage, but i...
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Iamhere
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1
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378
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Baby Safety & Detatchment
(Preview)
Hi- I'm new here. My H is a problem drinker, who will go weeks with no issues then suddenly binge drink. When he binge drinks he embarrasses himself, accidentally damages other people's property, etc. He is never violent, though he does have drunk behaviors that can alarm me. One of those is follo...
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marysmommy
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10
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503
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Consequences and family milestones you don't want to achieve
(Preview)
So I had one good day of detachment. Now I'm percolating in a darker space but I came here to vent momentarily. Here's a family milestone nobody wants to achieve: the first time someone tells your kids "your daddy got drunk and passed out and the police came"! Kids got this from their cousin. The story...
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Fedora
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3
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522
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sibling has relapsed / any advice is helpful
(Preview)
Apologies in advance for this will be a bit lengthy. My sister is the youngest of the family. She is college educated, twice married and divorced, has 3 beautiful and healthy children, and a heroin addict. Life finally caught up to her a few years ago; she lost custody of her children and was senten...
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sisterbob
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4
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594
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Oh you're kidding.
(Preview)
I have just called my uni and finally gotten through- to a new girl who was relaying a conversation between me and the other girl who is "investigating" my case. The 3rd hand information I was given (no, she couldn't come to the phone apparently) was that the person who can make the final decision on my ca...
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missmeliss
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9
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571
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Courage to Change 22/6
(Preview)
Today's c2c discusses the fact that many of us arrive in al-anon preoccupied with what he/she/they did. The reading suggests that when we blame others for our unpleasant feelings, we give away our power to them. It rightly points out that no-one can make me feel anything except for myself. When we foc...
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missmeliss
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3
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423
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if things get better than this...
(Preview)
If things getting any better, I don't know what I am going to do. My sober AH is behaving himself more & more every day. I can almost count on him to be kind & thoughtful. He gives me roses often & still cooks for me every night. He makes the bed, mows the lawn & a whole lot of other things. He i...
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Hoot Nanny
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5
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491
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a bit of a ramble
(Preview)
I don't even know what I'm going to write about or what the theme is but I'm just going to start and see where it goes.... Yesterday was not a good day for me. In fact it was bad. I was irritable and ill tempered and it snuck up on me. I think it might have had to do with having a family member visit the night...
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KT2015
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7
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514
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Abandonment Issues anyone?
(Preview)
Hey friends, This is my first post on this board, and wanted to know how some of you have overcome/deal with issues of abandonment? They are affecting my relationship at the moment to the point where it is stressing out my boyfriend (who isn't my qualifier), and I'm wondering what methods you use to cop...
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slynnmg
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6
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632
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Courage to Change 20/6
(Preview)
Today's c2c is about fear, and the negative coping tools we may have developed to deal with it. For example, many of us, when we are confronted, remain silent rather than speaking up for ourselves and we lose self respect in the process. The reading suggests that remaining silent is in fact reacting, r...
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missmeliss
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6
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510
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Is this the courage?
(Preview)
Okay, spoke to an alanon talked through all my fears and incessant what ifs. Son is out again, drinking. Fear took over, but right now i feel strong. Going to allow him here tonight and tomorrow morning Im leaving him a letter telling him he must sort accomodation and be out by tomorrow. Where I stay ther...
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el-cee
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8
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505
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John OR Admins
(Preview)
I am having problems logging into the ACA message board online here .. It says my IP was banned .. there is no reason this should be ? Can someone please let me know why this is and how soon we can fix this glitch ? Thanks .. hope42day on other board ..
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MeTwo2
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2
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396
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Addict daughter now in prison for robbery
(Preview)
Hi! I am a one year member of Alanon and attend meetings every Saturday. I kicked my daughter out of the house a year ago after 5 years of abuse and the new knowledge that she was in the heat of becoming a meth addict. She has been homeless since then. On Friday she was arrested and charged with Robbery. She w...
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miroslawa
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6
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573
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6mths on my own
(Preview)
Just ducking in here to say that it has been 6 months on my own, away from AH soon to be XAH. Getting the divorce, dealing with the IRS,looking for work has been a real challenge to me.My es sis in law has taken the job i had of "having the wool pulled over your eyes enabler" as far as XAH. I havnt seen or spoken t...
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YARNCRAZY
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3
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446
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Emotionally immature
(Preview)
i found this great old blog and it explained so well what someone being emotionally immature was all about. It is said A's are as mature as when they started drinking. i get that my xah drank hard from 12-24 he was a binger. He seemed okay on the surface and seemed fairly well emotionally centered except...
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Mirandac
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9
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693
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Did this ever open my eyes.
(Preview)
I am not only in-love with an alcoholic. I have found out he is a narcissist, porn addict and pathological liar. Why such a combination of things? Talk about a walking mess, including me. I have finally left this time without crying. I am cried out. Long story short: I left him the last time and took every...
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Tampa
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11
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2119
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Hello, happy father's day
(Preview)
Hello! I've been absent from the Board for a few weeks but I've been working on my program. I am learning that growth takes time. Today I had an unexpected opportunity to see where I'm at.... my MIL found out today that my qualifier drinks. He ended up in the ER after passing out. I am not at home now so his mo...
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Fedora
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4
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412
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Feeling crappy today
(Preview)
I just have such overwhelming anxiety today and feeling like such a bad mom. Over the weekend I was completely short with my kids as I was overwhelmed and tired. AH hurt his shoulder so he wasn't much help with the kids and called me out on being short with them last night. I took it so personal even tho...
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Jazzie18
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2
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273
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It's a new week :)
(Preview)
Reading through so many of these posts I see so much pain and hurt but also a lot of hope and insight. Words that are spoken here are so true, connect with people on so many levels and it's a great place to come to when needing to connect again with the steps and others walking a similar path.
I also hear so m...
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Crau
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2
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389
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Courage to Change Reading 6-19-2016
(Preview)
The C2C reading for June 19 speaks about being troubled by others behaviors or disappointing turn of events. The reading points out that we don't have to take others actions as personal. We are not have to be a victim of everything that happens unless we choose to see the world that way. If things do not...
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hotrod
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5
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451
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Why am I the nut lol
(Preview)
Why am I the nut lol? My AH is loved with lots of friends. And i.m lonely. I don.T want to be the crazy one. But I guess it.s all the years of living with an alcoholic. I.ve been reading the alanon book. And it.s so me. I.ve went to one meeting. And am going to keep going. I want friends and a social.li...
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Minniegirl
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5
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583
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My Dad in a nutshell
(Preview)
I miss him especially today. He was my hero in the end. He made me laugh & even made me cry. He was the saver of my sanity. He knew what I needed even hugs. He dropped everything to visit me in the hospital when no one else would. He smiled & his face lighted up. He wasn't always there but he made sure th...
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Hoot Nanny
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2
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444
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Letting go of relationships/friendships
(Preview)
Hi all! Just wanted to share and see if anyone has experienced what I am going through... I am currently in a phase of recovery where I am letting go of relationships/friendships that are all with alcoholics/ACoA/Codependents. It took me almost 3 years in recovery to finally come out of denial and tru...
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Sandy408
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7
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533
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When life is not what you dreamed it would be
(Preview)
Yesterday was our 39th Wedding Anniversary. No presents, no "happy anniversary", yes a lunch out but it really could have been any other day of the year. The only mention in relation to our Wedding Day was about the difference in weather! I think I'm finally accepting that life is nothing like I want...
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cmw2429
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6
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536
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I'm new & Struggling!
(Preview)
Hi, I'm new to the site and could use some advice & wanted to see if anyone else has been in the same or similar situation and what your outcome was. After 17.5 years of marriage, my AH & I are in the middle of a divorce. He has been an alcoholic/addict our entire marriage with the addictions spira...
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ThreeCmom
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10
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538
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Its 7 pm Sunday but no one is in Meeting Room
(Preview)
Is there no meeting tonight?
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lgnutah
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2
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438
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Some updates and my current mood
(Preview)
I've got a few updates and I want to talk about what's going on currently. I enjoy being able to use this platform to sort of chronicle my progress and set backs. Today was the last day of school for my son. He is eight and just finished the second grade. These transitions are really hard for me. Adjusting t...
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StargazerLily
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4
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476
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Saying no,boundaries and taking up for self
(Preview)
These 3 things irritate me cause I feel that I can't work them or make them work for me,I have a hard time saying no,and setting boundaries or standing my ground these are all aimed at my abf was xabf,we have been getting along great he has slaved himself my yard ,got it looking beautiful,I feel like I'm l...
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lookingup
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1
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319
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Dry drunk behaviors? H "testing" me.
(Preview)
Hi all, it's been a long time. My AH has been dry for over 2 years. He did not do any recovery work. Things are certainly much calmer. He is nicer for the most part. No late night crazy drunk shenanigans. However, I am dealing with a lot of what I call "tests" in my mind from him and I am not sure if I am han...
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gingerfizz
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11
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4124
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I love watching and being a part of Miracles
(Preview)
and this morning I participated in another as I went to my AA home group..."By the Bay". I left our van to walk over to the cabana where we hold the group and recognized the station wagon we were next to...God!! Both RJ and his MOM clean and sober and the last time I saw her she could not even stand up much...
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Jerry F
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5
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478
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I think I'm dating a double winner
(Preview)
Hi all, I've mentioned my friend that I've been spending time with. I guess we are dating but it's more like 'hanging out' together. Not only does he drink straight whiskey on the rocks, he is also wierdly enmeshed with his sister and other family members. He is one of 9 siblings. He is very close wi...
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CyndiODAT
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7
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574
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Al-Anon works
(Preview)
This program is a miracle. Since my last post much has changed. The ABF stopped drinking. It was a terrible withdrawal-shaking, sweating, anxiety, sleeplessness, restlessness for 3 days straight. Its now been a month and he remains sober. He found beer and vodka, coolers in the house that I had hid a...
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joker
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5
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412
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