The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We got in at around 1am on Friday night. The taxi ride home was kind of gruelling; my parents both got loaded on the plane.
His majesty picked us up from the train station and I fell asleep pretty much as soon as we got home.
I woke up and opened my suitcase to get out some clean clothes....I washed everything since our bungalow had a washer and a clothes line and the weather was so hot. I was hit by a weird smell and started picking up my clothes and sniffing them...what IS that? It smells like ...Jet fuel? His Majesty sits up in bed and tells me to stop breathing it in....he spilled roundup in the boot yesterday and it must have seeped into my case.
Oh, goody. Everything I took (half my wardrobe) was drenched in roundup. So I washed 3 loads and they're hanging all over the house because its very wet and cold here. The upside is...is there an upside of having all of your clothing drenched in glycophosphate? I'm not sure that there is. I think I found something without a silver lining. Sigh.
Anyway I cleaned around him and I've been pretty much cleaning and washing since I got back so Ive been kind of snarky. Daughter screwed up making a pudding before and scraped it into the bin and I screamed at her for wasting food and making mess. Ooops.
Anyway. Next weekend is my 40th birthday, which is also his majesty's 40th birthday and our 10th anniversary.
So he had been saying he was going to take us away for a fantastic weekend and he would organise it ll if I just gave him my preferences...a hot tub and a fireplace. But there was drama and issues and he didn;t book anything and the "what do you want to do" thing started up (where he keeps asking me what i want to do after the plan has failed and then picking at everything I say). And of course he was drinking. And he keeps saying that whatever we do, he "just wants me to be happy" but also he wants to drink and he wants me to drink with him because he wants us to have some drinks and why can't we just have some drinks and enjoy ourselves and basically the entire weekend seems to hinge upon going somewhere nice where he can drink and smoke but he wants me to be happy which I guess means he wants me to somehow enjoy him drinking and smoking. We could be staying at the nicest place on the planet and I'm not going to be happy spending time with drunk him. So, IDK, I'm just dreading it all now and it's like last christmas where I decided not to spend it with him for a similar reason....now if and when i decide the same thing it will be woe and misery and we are breaking up and blah blah because I didn't want to see him on our 40th birthday/10th anniversary. Damned either way. Oh well, I suppose I knew this scenario was at least 50% likely and I already had an amazing birthday celebration away so I don't care that much if I spend it alone. Life goes on.
Anyway I'm not unhappy, just a bit tired and out of sorts. Another good sleep and then it'll be time to pull out my toolkit and see what I can do.
Oh, and here's a camel riding photo as promised. The camel riding in front of the sun is ours
-- Edited by missmeliss on Monday 4th of July 2016 11:44:05 AM
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Welcome back MissMel!!! Great photo with that sun behind you all on the camel! As far as all the rest - live in the moment and more will be revealed! That stinks (literally & figuratively) about the RoundUp in your clothing.....bummer for sure!
Glad you are back and that you had a marvelous trip/time!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Well, you won't have weedy clothes.... pesky weeds, try to grow everywhere, thank you SOOOO much for weed proofing my blouses, and bras, ooooh I hate it when the weeds start to grow there - let not even mention grass in the skivies!
Sounds like the only way for you to be happy with him drinking and smoking may be a lobotomy for you. (then those weeds can grow all over you and you wouldn't mind eh?)
My sister said, there is never a good/better/best time for a break up. its either too close to Christmas - or any holiday, close to a birthday, Valentines Day, etc. For me the final break came when the cup was full and I couldn't take one more drop or dribble.
Just think Mel, no more weed-eating your undies anymore! Go Roundup!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
See? I can always count on you guys to help me find the silver lining. It's true, I DO hate weeding my undergarments. And my suitcase. And after smelling everything so thoroughly I probably won't need to weed my face ever again either!!!
Where's my attitude of gratitude?
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
It will return after some 'normalized rest'.....in other words - sleep in your own bed!!!
(((Hugs))) - there is something special for me when I get back to my pillow, my blanket & my bed - that's when my calm and gratitude returns...
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
