The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
All of my coworkers are on Facebook and want me to join Facebook and friend them. I tell them I want my privacy and don't want to join. Also they keep asking me where I live and I tell them the town but they want to know exactly where I live. My one coworker dropped me off one day and I think she is telling other people. It really bothers me to have my privacy violated. What do you think? Even if my coworker tells others my address how do they know I really live there? Is it anyone's business where I live or if I am on Facebook?
I am really big into privacy myself. When I worked I was friendly at work, but after work I just wanted to go home. It is no one's business where you live and why you are not on Facebook. Take care.
It's definitely none of anyone's business if you don't want to share it. If you are a private person, then I would hope most people would understand. My bf is like this and we have been dating for over a year and still we haven't put our relationship up on FB or pics of us together. I would do it, but he is very private so I respect that.
You have a boundary, good for you for sticking to it!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Facebook is a time-waster for me, and a social media platform. Work is work, friends are friends and I prefer to keep them separate and the relationships professional. When folks ask me to friend them on FB, I just share that I never/rarely get on. This program teaches us that Yes, No, Maybe are all complete sentences, and we don't have to JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain anything to anyone...
Set a boundary you are comfortable with and stick with it!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Kelly girl, I do agree that your personal business is nobody else's business. I always considered work was work and my personal friends were not in the office. I never shared my personal experiences or business with anybody in the office.I did make small talk with my office co workers and had a basic non-intimate friendship with most of the people. That worked well.
It does sound as if you are extremely guarded at work and that possibly the ladies are just trying to be friendly and you may be misreading their intentions. Alanon meetings will help to sort this out .
I tend to be a private person in the ways you've described too. I rather keep my work life separate from my home life. I'm not a big enthusiast of social media. I have used it at work a lot through company wide chatrooms and message boards but prefer not to have a personal FB account. I am beginning to see that it's becoming more and more a trend to connect this way with coworkers. The workday no longer ends at the end of your shift. FB and other social media sites seem to be current way to network with management at a company too. Even potential employers feel they deserve a peek into your personal life by viewing you on social media.
Like you, I don't mind telling someone the general area of town where I live but it would seem a little odd to me that someone would want my exact address. Is there a party? Drop the invite on my desk, email it to me, call my work phone.
With all of this said, I have made and have retained real friends who I have met at work. They've been people who have boundaries concerning their personal life and have been respectful of mine. The husband of one of my closest coworker friends holds a very high position at a company partnering with my former workplace. My friend never divulged her husband's workplace or position to others at work for fear of being exploited. She chose not to connect through FB and other social media site with coworkers.
It's been my experience that "privacy" can be perceived as unfriendly or snobby. Sometimes it's hard to find the balance concerning how much information to give others at work in order to be able to work peaceably with them. I would say don't underestimate your sensitivity about giving out your personal information. HR departments keep this information private from coworkers for a good reason. They want to protect themselves legally because employees can sometimes pursue coworkers with unwanted attention or retaliation. With that said, it doesn't seem unnatural to choose to protect yourself from such a possibility. Really, how well do any of us know the people we work with? And since FB is jokingly referred to as "fake book," how much truth of who a person is will that provide?
Thanks for sharing about anonymity at work. I hope you continue to be true to yourself and what is comfortable for you personally. I look forward to reading others insights on this topic. (((hugs))) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Monday 4th of July 2016 11:44:45 AM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Personally i am not fond of facebook, i use messenger only, post very few pics
On my home page. My ex, MIL and his new GF love FB and all it has to offer
them. I am Not friends with them.
Work people have found my page and did friends requests i just dont follow them.
I only Really only like seeing pictures of my family and the children.
Many people communicate either by text or messenger it seems to be the style,
No phone calls or emails. I enjoy one on one live conversation.
Facebook is a time-waster for me, and a social media platform. Work is work, friends are friends and I prefer to keep them separate and the relationships professional. When folks ask me to friend them on FB, I just share that I never/rarely get on. This program teaches us that Yes, No, Maybe are all complete sentences, and we don't have to JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain anything to anyone...
Set a boundary you are comfortable with and stick with it!
I love that! JADE is a great acronym. I need to remember this!
I am another person who doesn't do any kind of social media. Many years ago someone said "you need to join FB, some of your old high school friends wonder where you are etc" (I moved away 2 years after graduating from high school and have lived on the other side of the USA since 1975).
So, I joined, and then sent what I thought was a reply to the person who sent me a hello.....and was very pained to realize my reply didn't go just to her but was available to be read by others (I still don't really understand FB or anything like Twitter etc.
But on this same subject, I don't even like talking on the phone or even having long face to face conversations.
The truth is, too much bad has come from me answering the telephone. I prefer to get an email or a text so I have time to process what is being said before I answer.
Kellygirl, you are not alone in avoiding social media. I'm only on Facebook so I can see what my kids post .
I know plenty of smart, professional, nice people who aren't on it.
As to "high school friends want to know where you are" ... My opinion is that I'm already in touch with the friends from high school, and other past phases of my life, that I want to be in contact with. If I want to find out where others are, I know how to Google them. If there is a genuine business reason to be on social media, that's one thing ... otherwise, it's purely your choice.
This year I left a job where everyone was enmeshed. It was incredibly difficult for me to have boundaries there. They felt my boundaries were rude. Enmrshment can be very difficult. I can go from completely enmeshed to absolutely isolated and back again. There is some kind of a medium. Facebook isn't for everyone. I worked at places where everyone lived on facebook.
I still spend a lot of time processing what comes up for me at work. These says I detach faster. I take many things less personally and I keep focused on what my goals are.
None of that cane overnight
Maresie
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