The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been in Alanon before. last summer I was really involved and worked the steps. But when I went back to college I kept making excuses and have ended up completely separated from it and struggling to get back in. I started noticing my dysfunctional behaviors with my boyfriend. We are long distance. I find myself terrified of losing him, of him cheating on me, when he has never given my reason to think either of these things. I am controlling, needy and desperate. I realized I havent really coped with my fathers death. He died 4 months ago today from alcoholism. he passed unexpectedly, and my mother (his ex wife) found him a couple days later in his home. I find myself struggling daily and missing him always. I dont know how to cope with my feelings of guilt, anxiety, and grief. Im not really sure what Im expecting by posting this, but if anyone has been in a similar situation and some words of wisdom id really appreciate it. Thank you.
I'm very sorry about your troubles. Believe me, I understand that grief and I can only say that a similar sad event in my life led me to therapy and then back to Alanon. I've come a long way with the help of meetings and friends here on MIP. I hope you'll join our meetings because there is a lot of understanding there and perhaps it will motivate you to return to face to face meetings. You can get better :)
((DKM))) Welcome I am sorry to read of he passing of your dad. Alcoholism is a chronic disease over which we are powerless. It is great that you have attended Alanon meetings and know that alanon is a recovery program set up to support family members who have lived with the disease and need to break the isolation caused by living with it . You know that Face to face meetings are held in most communities and the hot line number is found in the white pages. I urge you to attend once again . Developing new tools to live by and learning how to focus on myself helped me to process the grief caused by this disease. Please search out meetings and attend . There is hope .
(((DKM))) - I too welcome you to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I am really sorry also for the loss of your father. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, that can be deadly and seems to reach well beyond the drinker to affect others who live with or love a qualifier. This is why it is considered a family disease - hardly anyone is untouched by the disease when it's present.
I can't offer ESH (experience, strength & hope) for the loss of your father but can share that the program has helped me heal and deal from all things in my life so far. There have been many small miracles I can see in recovery and am grateful to have found this program when I did. I do wish I had found it sooner but we can't do anything about the past - only the present.
There is help and hope in recovery. Keep coming back - you are not alone!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
