Al-Anon Family Group - Al-Anon Family Group

vorpal · vorpal

He is out tonight drinking. I've been in recovery for thirty years and have been around alcoholics my whole life, dealt with mental health issues my whole life. So why I am I still so crazy with worry? Why does this still predominate my mind? Thank you for this forum. I know the answers to both of those q...

missmeliss · missmeliss

Ahhh. The first (and most difficult) exam done and I have to say I was grinning from ear to ear when I read through the paper because there was only 1 single question I wasn't absolutely sure of the answer to. Yay!! Here's to my new non-freaking out study method!! But truly this is the first time...ever....

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for today. May 20 speaks about working the 12 steps in both AA and Al-Anon. It points out that AA stresses that the alcoholic who works. The 12 step is bound to make great progress. This is also true for Al-Anon members.. The reading goes on to point out that we do not limit our aspirations...

mercedes1959 · mercedes1959

Hello friends - i have not posted since the dysfunctional co worker post. The co worker does not bother me so much anymore, mostly because I tune her out and also she is really declining, 83 years old and mostly just walks around the office. Yesterday, a train hit me. I know my bosses are dysfunctional a...

Mikhail · Mikhail

I went to my first F2F meeting this evening and it was just what I needed. There were so many nice people and they were very kind to me. The person running the Newcomer's meeting before the regular meeting was very welcoming and it was a great experience overall. I want to go back. Truthfully, I had been dr...

Iamhere · Iamhere

It is Monday and I wanted to share what I am going to do for ME today to be gentle, kind and loving. For this member, if I don't know and love me, I can't know and love another fully. 1. Daily Readings. 2. Sponsor Meeting. 3. Walk with my Lovely Dog Layla. 4. MIP Meeting Tonight. 5. Monday night $1 Tacos...

kristina · kristina

new here. don't know if I want to get into this but my nightmares about mum is starting to haunt me. i'm 27 years old. my mum drank when I was groing up and stopped when I was 15, she hasn't been drinking since. when she drank she was evil mum, and I didn't like that but at least I knew her. then she got sober and t...

Jazzie18 · Jazzie18

I am having such a hard time dealing with my anger and resentment towards my AH. He was going to meetings but this weekend didn't go to one. On Friday he tried to say that the other guys were far worse off in the meetings, basically making excuses. Then this weekend he was making tons of excuse to get out...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Good morning Everyone- This day's reading is about a person who wants to reach out to a family member but is held back because of feeling shame. The writer feels that everyone in the family sees her only as her alcoholic father's daughter, and feels isolated. After some thought she decides to write a...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for May 18 talks about being able to read Al-Anon literature and simply "talk the talk." It points out that :" talking the talk" is very ineffective and that we must learn to" walk the walk" in order for recovery to occur. We have been accustomed to...

a4l · a4l

I started to notice around six months ago that ive become an emotional eater. Whenever I get upset, I reach for chocolate/ plan a morning around getting it. I have never had a lack of self control around food before, infact the opposite. I did a triathlon when my third child was 8 months old, and have...

Mikhail · Mikhail

My father has been a secret drinker for a long time and the family only recently discovered this when, as part of his treatment for diabetes, the doctors thought he might have liver cancer. We took that news as best we could and my dad started going to AA meetings in the hopes that he could stop drinking an...

Iamhere · Iamhere

In the past, I have put others wants/needs in front of my own - to the point where I have neglected myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I thought it might be fun/helpful if we shared what we have done or plan to do for ourselves today! So - I will start - 1. I took a long walk with my fa...

missmeliss · missmeliss

The weekend turned out to be lovely and relaxed. It was fun picking brother up from the station and driving around; he doesn't drive and he has never known me to. He normally refuses to discuss driving simply saying "I don't want to and I never will" (I said that for many years) but he opened up...

Mirandac · Mirandac

I am divorced as of today. All went well in court. Took all of 30 minutes. Both of our lawyers present. They talked we did not. i had my ftf alanon right afterward perfect timing. I have Six days off in the next 2 weeks, at least i can put a dent in my junk. I need a good available rental come up soon. I keep loo...

MsRobot · MsRobot

I'm new in this journey. It's funny, I thought my alcoholic ex-boyfriend was the head case but I'm beginning to see patterns in my own behavior and choices that have led me here. 4 of my past 5 relationships have been with alcoholics. I'm attending in-person meetings and working through issues f...

missmeliss · missmeliss

I love how this program translates to the rest of my life. I start 3 weeks of exams next week and today I sat down to begin my usual pre-exam nervous breakdown (the one where I look at everything I have to study all at once, wail and moan that I can't POSSIBLY remember all of this and I am STUPID for leaving it t...

pinkchip · pinkchip

This last time when single after breaking up from an alcoholic, I finally developed some "relationship rules" for myself. I now recognize these were just boundaries and the rules were all based on painful past experiences...No drunks, no drug users, no party boys, no liars, no horribl...

Emma9152 · Emma9152

how do I get the strength to walk away from a 30 year marriage.?I have very little money no self esteem very few friends, my husband made sure of that. I am presently in a woman's refuge for a week now and hate it my husband is seriously ill. I thought I could cope but I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My gp offer...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODAT reading for May 17 makes a very important point. It suggests that when we are sick we go to the doctor and take the medicine that is prescribed . That when we are soul sick and heartsick we need medicine just as much or even more. That living with the disease of alcoholism and with our own neurot...

SpookyMulder · SpookyMulder

Hi. I know this subject has been written about before -- the posts I have read are more of a general nature. I introduced myself a little while back, too, so some of this people may have already read. I am seeking comments. Ok. So I know I am an enabler and have engaged in denial and poor boundaries and...

Living508 · Living508

My father is an alcoholic (possibly sober now but not 100% sure...he did go to rehab a couple of years ago) and I am a grateful member of Al Anon. I have been working hard on my recovery through al anon and counseling. Situations will come up where I have anxiety about my dad possibly drinking, traumatic...

needguidance · needguidance

A little about me, no kids, married, i came from a different country, i had to learn English on my own to survive, i paid my college tuition on my own - no loans always saving money and not living in debt - it was very difficult but i overcome that obstacle. i come from a middle class background but when i ca...

Living508 · Living508

2 years ago my qualifier (father) entered rehab....at my request. 2 years later we do not discuss anything to do with it...no mention of meetings etc. I have not seen him drink. He always drinks something like soda water or tea around me. Today is my brothers graduation and we went to a restaurant with...

Tash2 · Tash2

Hi all- not posted for a while but quietly working my steps & I feel well. My AH has been dry for 4 months after a drinking binge that put his life at risk. Gave him the wake up call he needed & he went to AA a few times. In those months he's looked after himself well. Obsessively exercising & diet...

YARNCRAZY · YARNCRAZY

so ah got a new car and already blew off the inportant day of going to get the puff device and his resticted liscense so now he is rolling the dice by drinking today. so i took his keys so he wont kill anyone at least for 2 days in his car. he is such a lost cause.. now he says he is suffering from incontinece of hi...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODAT reading for May 15 is a powerful reminder to keep the focus on ourselves and stop trying to figure out why somebody says what they say or do. The reading stresses importance of not jumping to conclusions about another person's motives, our actions as we cannot read people's minds. Even when...

Debb · Debb

I find that with each heated episode from AH, which are fewer and fewer as time goes on, that the results I am encountering seem to enlighten both me and AH. For me the enlightenment centers around more understanding and empathy for the disease and with that comes less resentment, not acceptance mind...

jk17 · jk17

Hi all, I'm recently divorced after less than three years with an alcoholic wife. I'm curious to know more about what alcoholism, or addiction in general, commonly does to sexual desire for the sober spouse in the marriage. I've heard "addiction kills love" a number of times and I can ce...

hotrod · hotrod

The C2C reading for today reminds us that in Al-Anon we come together as a" fellowship of equals" where no one is in charge and no one is an expert. Because the help we exchange is nonprofessional and has a specific goal, Al-Anon does not solve every problem. It is a remarkable effective ap...

Todzilla · Todzilla

Hi, long time co-dependent, first time caller. im on my second marriage to an alcoholic and SHOCKER, this ain't going too well. I have never had impulses to cover up for alcoholics, or manage their lives, per se, but I do have a huge problem shouldering far more than my share in the marriage and expectin...

PlainJane · PlainJane

I was brought up in a family with a history of alcoholics, although I never actually saw any of it. But I got the very strong message that alcohol was dangerous and bad, that it ruined lives, and that it drinking to excess was NEVER tolerated. As a result I have never drank alcohol my entire life and am un...

QOD · QOD

So here I am again. Full circle. History - Married my high school sweetheart at 18 when I got pregnant. That was back in 1992. 15 years of marriage. Divorced because of my husband's drug and alcohol abuse. His drug of choice back then: Cocaine/Crack. We were separated for one year and divorced fo...

MOF77 · MOF77

I read so many things things and get myself prepared for the next time this guy comes home drunk, but it never goes as planned and I don't know why. It should, because he always says and does the same things. Always. The only thing that changes is my strategy. I plan for this, like, 'Next time I'll lock hi...

Blonde80 · Blonde80

Hi, I'm very new to Alanon. Just went to my second meeting last night. I'm a 34 year old woman who fell deeply in love with the most wonderful man two years ago. We were best friends first and then ended up falling in love and he moved into my home. He's younger than me but at 27 had been on his own since he was a y...

Luiza · Luiza

I am feeling very deflated at the moment. Worthless and useless too. Basically tomorrow is a pretty important and stressful day at work. Due the outstanding reputation of the school where I work with some principal and deputy principal from other school are coming to my school to visit/spend the day...

lisal · lisal

My husband of 33 years is in ICU for the past 2 weeks- perforated bowel ( duodenal ulcer from alcohol) that opened twice, tracheotomy tomorrow, liver and kidney function damaged from alcohol. If he does pull through they said a rehab then nursing home placement. He is only 60 years old. And myself and o...

andromeda · andromeda

Hello everyone, can you please keep me in your thoughts and send positive vibes for me to trust God's will and what my next step will be regarding my job situation. I had a job interview yesterday which went really well and they want to hire me but the pay is low and the drive is far. I have been homeschool...

Iamhere · Iamhere

I had to see how long it's been since I've been 'here' and I am certainly surprised that it's been 5+ years. At the time, my DS and AH were my 'qualifiers' and I am happy to report my DS will be celebrating 5 years clean in July. While he's in a much better place, our relationship is strained at best. I am a do...

JukuVee · JukuVee

my significant other who I will refer to here as Steve has been an alcoholic for our entire relationship. We just had our 22 year anniversary of being together. We are not married but we might as well be. I have finally reached the end of my rope. The Saturday before last he had a major meltdown and was sc...

Hillyard · Hillyard

Can you really have a real relationship with someone who abuses alcohol daily? Is it even possible? Alcohol interferes immensely with emotional and spiritual growth, right? How can you build a real relationship with some who drinks? If you are in that relationship how do you remain sane?

Green Eyes · Green Eyes

My AD said that she wanted to visit with me on Mother's Day, but then also told her sister that she was going to bring some paperwork for me to sign. As some background to this, my AD has been living in the home that my AH owned and was living in when he suddenly passed over two years ago. Since that time, no mor...

PennyJenny010115 · PennyJenny010115

I feel like I may have started Al Anon too late, as I just want out of my 15 year relationship (10 year marriage). My AH has slowed down so much on his drinking and he's so proud of his progress and even though he still drinks he almost never becomes drunk. He hasn't been physically violent with me in over...

serenity47 · serenity47

20 year old AD living here at the moment. Repeated lost jobs due to alcohol abuse and whatever else? My dilemma is this. We have cut off all money, have sold some things in storage to recoup money lent that was never repaid. Have drove her around repeatedly job hunting etc when she has no gas. We live i...

sookie · sookie

I choked on my tears at the meeting last night. We were talking about choices. This whole week I have been second guessing my choice to get divorced because the finality is hitting me. It is now official. He will not speak to me or communicate at all (which I guess may have its good aspects). I still have to...

hotrod · hotrod

C2C reading for May 14 speaks about Al-Anon recovery. It points out that this recovery is a discipline that requires diligence,patience and consistency in order to obtain results. The reading also indicates that regular attendance at Al-Anon meetings, working the steps and applying the Al-Anon...

hotrod · hotrod

The ODA T reading for May 13 speaks about how we feel ,when we first come to Al-Anon looking for support and relief from the pain of living with the disease of alcoholism. It points out that we are being torn down by the drinkers guilt and self reproach and this has left us feeling invisible and with no se...

butterfly88 · butterfly88

So I haven't had anything to drink at all since my husband went to 12 week outpatient. He has...one or two here and there and then three major "slips" (his word, not mine). I'm just wondering--do any of you drink? Sometimes I feel like having a glass of wine with friends or with dinner but I don...

Smiley99 · Smiley99

Until recently, I had really been doing well at practicing loving detachment. I was focusing on me. Got back to healthy eating, some exercise, and going to meetings. I figured out a convenient way for someone else to watch my infant son when I have to work late so I'm not worried about leaving him alo...

mjferg · mjferg

I told my therapist yesterday, living with an alcoholic is like going through a hurricane,everything gets torn down and you have to rebuild.Starting with yourself and then other areas in your life,it takes time and it isn't easy. Well I am still here.I have been busy with school,it's midterms aga...

zebrafish · zebrafish

We have drug dealers here, and burglarizing. The drug dealers have been trying to pressure us out for about 2 years now, by partying right outside our apartment. The mental distress of that is a lot. I tried crimestoppers, I tried just calling the police, none of it got me anywhere. So I tried starti...

Rosepetal · Rosepetal

Hi everyone - I am new here. Been separated from my alcoholic husband for 6 months now (this is the second time we've separated). He has been drinking for 4 months now. He is blaming me for it. Right after we separated the 2nd time, I was feeling very lonely and depressed and he was being lovely. I was reall...

Irish7 · Irish7

ive only been in al anon for 6 months, but i think at least a year before that I realized I could not assert control over my AH and a step kids drinking. I was desperate to control something and so focused on eating and fitness-- areas where I've often lacked self control. I've become quite militant in this...

Hillyard · Hillyard

How do you all deal with verbal abuse? My wife has been verbally abusive for as long as we've been married (almost 19 years) and it seemed to progress with the alcohol use. Sometimes when I bring it up she doesn't even know she's doing it. It even happens when she's sober. Example - she wakes up and finds ou...

worried Mom · worried Mom

Still pretty new at Alanon, 3rd f2f meeting today..... so I'm wondering this..... when I I don't hear from my A daughter it usually means she's drinking. Drinking for her means drink until you black out. I can't decide whether to call and check on her. Don't call - I worry; do call - get upset if she's drin...

butterfly88 · butterfly88

I'm just wondering if this kind of thinking is damaging or fair. Everytime an "episode" happens, I think "okay, this time he really gets how bad this is" or "this time, now that he knows the kids noticed, he will change" or "since he slept with her and that is dev...

pinkchip · pinkchip

I understand when people make this statement and similar claims of how awesome their partner is followed by...."when he's sober." To me, I almost think this is a thinking trap that leads us to further disappointment. I know from when I was an active alcoholic and when engaged in a long te...

yanksfan51 · yanksfan51

Today's reading is a focus on Traditions One and Two. Tradition one being that the welfare of the group comes first, that personal progress depends upon unity, and two that the one authority is a loving God as expressed through a group conscience. I have not studied and worked on the traditions as I ha...

Hillyard · Hillyard

Lately, I've been feeling kind of low. Lots of memories keep breaking in my mind, good and bad, and I'm having a hard time controlling them. I feel like I need to make big decisions but not sure about it.

sookie · sookie

Struggling lately. I am now divorced. The paperwork arrived in the mail a few weeks ago. It has been a long time coming. My ex-AH moved out over 4 years ago and I held on to hope for most of it that we would figure it out and make it work. But it just kept churning and cycling and I couldn't do it anymore. Now tha...

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	I love my brother very much (Preview) He is out tonight drinking. I've been in recovery for thirty years and have been around alcoholics my whole life, dealt with mental health issues my whole life. So why I am I still so crazy with worry? Why does this still predominate my mind? Thank you for this forum. I know the answers to both of those q...	vorpal	5	617	May 20, 2015 by vorpal
	Now for my next trick.... (Preview) Ahhh. The first (and most difficult) exam done and I have to say I was grinning from ear to ear when I read through the paper because there was only 1 single question I wasn't absolutely sure of the answer to. Yay!! Here's to my new non-freaking out study method!! But truly this is the first time...ever....	missmeliss	4	665	May 20, 2015 by gillygilly
	ODAT reading 5-20 (Preview) The ODA T reading for today. May 20 speaks about working the 12 steps in both AA and Al-Anon. It points out that AA stresses that the alcoholic who works. The 12 step is bound to make great progress. This is also true for Al-Anon members.. The reading goes on to point out that we do not limit our aspirations...	hotrod	2	782	May 20, 2015 by Iamhere
	Just need some encouraging words (Preview) Hello friends - i have not posted since the dysfunctional co worker post. The co worker does not bother me so much anymore, mostly because I tune her out and also she is really declining, 83 years old and mostly just walks around the office. Yesterday, a train hit me. I know my bosses are dysfunctional a...	mercedes1959	4	687	May 20, 2015 by mercedes1959
	First F2F meeting (Preview) I went to my first F2F meeting this evening and it was just what I needed. There were so many nice people and they were very kind to me. The person running the Newcomer's meeting before the regular meeting was very welcoming and it was a great experience overall. I want to go back. Truthfully, I had been dr...	Mikhail	3	521	May 20, 2015 by Iamhere
	How do I love ME - Let me Count the WAYS! (Preview) It is Monday and I wanted to share what I am going to do for ME today to be gentle, kind and loving. For this member, if I don't know and love me, I can't know and love another fully. 1. Daily Readings. 2. Sponsor Meeting. 3. Walk with my Lovely Dog Layla. 4. MIP Meeting Tonight. 5. Monday night $1 Tacos...	Iamhere	11	2375	May 19, 2015 by Iamhere
	not only two - but three different mums (Preview) new here. don't know if I want to get into this but my nightmares about mum is starting to haunt me. i'm 27 years old. my mum drank when I was groing up and stopped when I was 15, she hasn't been drinking since. when she drank she was evil mum, and I didn't like that but at least I knew her. then she got sober and t...	kristina	4	574	May 19, 2015 by Iamhere
	Having a hard time dealing.... (Preview) I am having such a hard time dealing with my anger and resentment towards my AH. He was going to meetings but this weekend didn't go to one. On Friday he tried to say that the other guys were far worse off in the meetings, basically making excuses. Then this weekend he was making tons of excuse to get out...	Jazzie18	5	854	May 19, 2015 by YARNCRAZY
	Hope for Today May 19 (Preview) Good morning Everyone- This day's reading is about a person who wants to reach out to a family member but is held back because of feeling shame. The writer feels that everyone in the family sees her only as her alcoholic father's daughter, and feels isolated. After some thought she decides to write a...	yanksfan51	3	694	May 19, 2015 by ntd2001
	ODAT and C2C reading for 5-18 (Preview) The ODA T reading for May 18 talks about being able to read Al-Anon literature and simply "talk the talk." It points out that :" talking the talk" is very ineffective and that we must learn to" walk the walk" in order for recovery to occur. We have been accustomed to...	hotrod	4	817	May 19, 2015 by ntd2001
	emotional eating/spending. (Preview) I started to notice around six months ago that ive become an emotional eater. Whenever I get upset, I reach for chocolate/ plan a morning around getting it. I have never had a lack of self control around food before, infact the opposite. I did a triathlon when my third child was 8 months old, and have...	a4l	9	769	May 19, 2015 by Mirandac
	New And Sad (Preview) My father has been a secret drinker for a long time and the family only recently discovered this when, as part of his treatment for diabetes, the doctors thought he might have liver cancer. We took that news as best we could and my dad started going to AA meetings in the hopes that he could stop drinking an...	Mikhail	7	795	May 18, 2015 by Mirandac
	What About You Today? (Preview) In the past, I have put others wants/needs in front of my own - to the point where I have neglected myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I thought it might be fun/helpful if we shared what we have done or plan to do for ourselves today! So - I will start - 1. I took a long walk with my fa...	Iamhere	16	724	May 18, 2015 by Iamhere
	Sunday night and all's well. (Preview) The weekend turned out to be lovely and relaxed. It was fun picking brother up from the station and driving around; he doesn't drive and he has never known me to. He normally refuses to discuss driving simply saying "I don't want to and I never will" (I said that for many years) but he opened up...	missmeliss	6	732	May 18, 2015 by 1911A1
	Divorced (Preview) I am divorced as of today. All went well in court. Took all of 30 minutes. Both of our lawyers present. They talked we did not. i had my ftf alanon right afterward perfect timing. I have Six days off in the next 2 weeks, at least i can put a dent in my junk. I need a good available rental come up soon. I keep loo...	Mirandac	12	780	May 17, 2015 by Jen61
	Warning Signs? (Preview) I'm new in this journey. It's funny, I thought my alcoholic ex-boyfriend was the head case but I'm beginning to see patterns in my own behavior and choices that have led me here. 4 of my past 5 relationships have been with alcoholics. I'm attending in-person meetings and working through issues f...	MsRobot	8	958	May 17, 2015 by Irish7
	My Friday Night Babble. (Preview) I love how this program translates to the rest of my life. I start 3 weeks of exams next week and today I sat down to begin my usual pre-exam nervous breakdown (the one where I look at everything I have to study all at once, wail and moan that I can't POSSIBLY remember all of this and I am STUPID for leaving it t...	missmeliss	8	654	May 17, 2015 by Irish7
	Relationship rules (Preview) This last time when single after breaking up from an alcoholic, I finally developed some "relationship rules" for myself. I now recognize these were just boundaries and the rules were all based on painful past experiences...No drunks, no drug users, no party boys, no liars, no horribl...	pinkchip	13	952	May 17, 2015 by Breakingfree
	Leaving (Preview) how do I get the strength to walk away from a 30 year marriage.?I have very little money no self esteem very few friends, my husband made sure of that. I am presently in a woman's refuge for a week now and hate it my husband is seriously ill. I thought I could cope but I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My gp offer...	Emma9152	5	617	May 17, 2015 by ntd2001
	ODAT Reading 5-17 (Preview) The ODAT reading for May 17 makes a very important point. It suggests that when we are sick we go to the doctor and take the medicine that is prescribed . That when we are soul sick and heartsick we need medicine just as much or even more. That living with the disease of alcoholism and with our own neurot...	hotrod	3	510	May 17, 2015 by hotrod
	Smoking pot, raging, an affair...Dry Drunk? (Preview) Hi. I know this subject has been written about before -- the posts I have read are more of a general nature. I introduced myself a little while back, too, so some of this people may have already read. I am seeking comments. Ok. So I know I am an enabler and have engaged in denial and poor boundaries and...	SpookyMulder	7	713	May 17, 2015 by pinkchip
	Husband has no empathy for deep childhood wounds (Preview) My father is an alcoholic (possibly sober now but not 100% sure...he did go to rehab a couple of years ago) and I am a grateful member of Al Anon. I have been working hard on my recovery through al anon and counseling. Situations will come up where I have anxiety about my dad possibly drinking, traumatic...	Living508	2	721	May 17, 2015 by pinkchip
	im confused (Preview) A little about me, no kids, married, i came from a different country, i had to learn English on my own to survive, i paid my college tuition on my own - no loans always saving money and not living in debt - it was very difficult but i overcome that obstacle. i come from a middle class background but when i ca...	needguidance	5	601	May 17, 2015 by Iamhere
	crisis moment! please help! (Preview) 2 years ago my qualifier (father) entered rehab....at my request. 2 years later we do not discuss anything to do with it...no mention of meetings etc. I have not seen him drink. He always drinks something like soda water or tea around me. Today is my brothers graduation and we went to a restaurant with...	Living508	8	660	May 17, 2015 by Living508
	What after vacation? (Preview) Hi all- not posted for a while but quietly working my steps & I feel well. My AH has been dry for 4 months after a drinking binge that put his life at risk. Gave him the wake up call he needed & he went to AA a few times. In those months he's looked after himself well. Obsessively exercising & diet...	Tash2	2	463	May 17, 2015 by Iamhere
	So Frustrated (Preview) so ah got a new car and already blew off the inportant day of going to get the puff device and his resticted liscense so now he is rolling the dice by drinking today. so i took his keys so he wont kill anyone at least for 2 days in his car. he is such a lost cause.. now he says he is suffering from incontinece of hi...	YARNCRAZY	5	589	May 16, 2015 by Mirandac
	ODAT READING for 5-15 (Preview) The ODAT reading for May 15 is a powerful reminder to keep the focus on ourselves and stop trying to figure out why somebody says what they say or do. The reading stresses importance of not jumping to conclusions about another person's motives, our actions as we cannot read people's minds. Even when...	hotrod	4	564	May 16, 2015 by serenity47
	Each Episode Brings More To Light (Preview) I find that with each heated episode from AH, which are fewer and fewer as time goes on, that the results I am encountering seem to enlighten both me and AH. For me the enlightenment centers around more understanding and empathy for the disease and with that comes less resentment, not acceptance mind...	Debb	2	523	May 16, 2015 by hotrod
	Effect of alcoholism on sexual desire? (Preview) Hi all, I'm recently divorced after less than three years with an alcoholic wife. I'm curious to know more about what alcoholism, or addiction in general, commonly does to sexual desire for the sober spouse in the marriage. I've heard "addiction kills love" a number of times and I can ce...	jk17	6	671	May 16, 2015 by jk17
	C2C 5-16 (Preview) The C2C reading for today reminds us that in Al-Anon we come together as a" fellowship of equals" where no one is in charge and no one is an expert. Because the help we exchange is nonprofessional and has a specific goal, Al-Anon does not solve every problem. It is a remarkable effective ap...	hotrod	1	390	May 16, 2015 by Debb
	Long Suffering Martyr (Preview) Hi, long time co-dependent, first time caller. im on my second marriage to an alcoholic and SHOCKER, this ain't going too well. I have never had impulses to cover up for alcoholics, or manage their lives, per se, but I do have a huge problem shouldering far more than my share in the marriage and expectin...	Todzilla	10	876	May 16, 2015 by hotrod
	Confused, ashamed, don't want to be here (Preview) I was brought up in a family with a history of alcoholics, although I never actually saw any of it. But I got the very strong message that alcohol was dangerous and bad, that it ruined lives, and that it drinking to excess was NEVER tolerated. As a result I have never drank alcohol my entire life and am un...	PlainJane	5	597	May 16, 2015 by hotrod
	It's been a LONG time but here I am. Back again. (Preview) So here I am again. Full circle. History - Married my high school sweetheart at 18 when I got pregnant. That was back in 1992. 15 years of marriage. Divorced because of my husband's drug and alcohol abuse. His drug of choice back then: Cocaine/Crack. We were separated for one year and divorced fo...	QOD	3	580	May 15, 2015 by serenity47
	Why is this so hard? (Preview) I read so many things things and get myself prepared for the next time this guy comes home drunk, but it never goes as planned and I don't know why. It should, because he always says and does the same things. Always. The only thing that changes is my strategy. I plan for this, like, 'Next time I'll lock hi...	MOF77	10	666	May 15, 2015 by PennyJenny010115
	New and Heartbroken (Preview) Hi, I'm very new to Alanon. Just went to my second meeting last night. I'm a 34 year old woman who fell deeply in love with the most wonderful man two years ago. We were best friends first and then ended up falling in love and he moved into my home. He's younger than me but at 27 had been on his own since he was a y...	Blonde80	3	595	May 15, 2015 by PennyJenny010115
	Struggling in a world full of lies. (Preview) I am feeling very deflated at the moment. Worthless and useless too. Basically tomorrow is a pretty important and stressful day at work. Due the outstanding reputation of the school where I work with some principal and deputy principal from other school are coming to my school to visit/spend the day...	Luiza	7	632	May 15, 2015 by hotrod
	How far can they go and still recover? (Preview) My husband of 33 years is in ICU for the past 2 weeks- perforated bowel ( duodenal ulcer from alcohol) that opened twice, tracheotomy tomorrow, liver and kidney function damaged from alcohol. If he does pull through they said a rehab then nursing home placement. He is only 60 years old. And myself and o...	lisal	15	763	May 15, 2015 by Iamhere
	Update on me! (Preview) Hello everyone, can you please keep me in your thoughts and send positive vibes for me to trust God's will and what my next step will be regarding my job situation. I had a job interview yesterday which went really well and they want to hire me but the pay is low and the drive is far. I have been homeschool...	andromeda	11	746	May 15, 2015 by Iamhere
	IamHere....and I Am Back! (Preview) I had to see how long it's been since I've been 'here' and I am certainly surprised that it's been 5+ years. At the time, my DS and AH were my 'qualifiers' and I am happy to report my DS will be celebrating 5 years clean in July. While he's in a much better place, our relationship is strained at best. I am a do...	Iamhere	5	561	May 15, 2015 by Iamhere
	New here new to Al-Anon, stuck between a rock and a hard place (Preview) my significant other who I will refer to here as Steve has been an alcoholic for our entire relationship. We just had our 22 year anniversary of being together. We are not married but we might as well be. I have finally reached the end of my rope. The Saturday before last he had a major meltdown and was sc...	JukuVee	5	602	May 15, 2015 by hotrod
	Real Relationship Even Possible? (Preview) Can you really have a real relationship with someone who abuses alcohol daily? Is it even possible? Alcohol interferes immensely with emotional and spiritual growth, right? How can you build a real relationship with some who drinks? If you are in that relationship how do you remain sane?	Hillyard	11	657	May 14, 2015 by maryjane
	Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, Don't Say it Mean (Preview) My AD said that she wanted to visit with me on Mother's Day, but then also told her sister that she was going to bring some paperwork for me to sign. As some background to this, my AD has been living in the home that my AH owned and was living in when he suddenly passed over two years ago. Since that time, no mor...	Green Eyes	2	693	May 14, 2015 by hotrod
	Just. Want. Out. (Preview) I feel like I may have started Al Anon too late, as I just want out of my 15 year relationship (10 year marriage). My AH has slowed down so much on his drinking and he's so proud of his progress and even though he still drinks he almost never becomes drunk. He hasn't been physically violent with me in over...	PennyJenny010115	12	656	May 14, 2015 by Jazzie18
	Feel stuck! (Preview) 20 year old AD living here at the moment. Repeated lost jobs due to alcohol abuse and whatever else? My dilemma is this. We have cut off all money, have sold some things in storage to recoup money lent that was never repaid. Have drove her around repeatedly job hunting etc when she has no gas. We live i...	serenity47	1	556	May 14, 2015 by hotrod
	Looking back at your choices (Preview) I choked on my tears at the meeting last night. We were talking about choices. This whole week I have been second guessing my choice to get divorced because the finality is hitting me. It is now official. He will not speak to me or communicate at all (which I guess may have its good aspects). I still have to...	sookie	3	582	May 14, 2015 by hotrod
	C2C Reading 5 -14 (Preview) C2C reading for May 14 speaks about Al-Anon recovery. It points out that this recovery is a discipline that requires diligence,patience and consistency in order to obtain results. The reading also indicates that regular attendance at Al-Anon meetings, working the steps and applying the Al-Anon...	hotrod	1	394	May 14, 2015 by serenity47
	ODAT Reading 5-13 (Preview) The ODA T reading for May 13 speaks about how we feel ,when we first come to Al-Anon looking for support and relief from the pain of living with the disease of alcoholism. It points out that we are being torn down by the drinkers guilt and self reproach and this has left us feeling invisible and with no se...	hotrod	2	665	May 13, 2015 by Debb
	Do you drink? (Preview) So I haven't had anything to drink at all since my husband went to 12 week outpatient. He has...one or two here and there and then three major "slips" (his word, not mine). I'm just wondering--do any of you drink? Sometimes I feel like having a glass of wine with friends or with dinner but I don...	butterfly88	15	852	May 13, 2015 by Bethany66
	Trying to stay positive (Preview) Until recently, I had really been doing well at practicing loving detachment. I was focusing on me. Got back to healthy eating, some exercise, and going to meetings. I figured out a convenient way for someone else to watch my infant son when I have to work late so I'm not worried about leaving him alo...	Smiley99	8	544	May 13, 2015 by Gah2010
	After The hurricane (Preview) I told my therapist yesterday, living with an alcoholic is like going through a hurricane,everything gets torn down and you have to rebuild.Starting with yourself and then other areas in your life,it takes time and it isn't easy. Well I am still here.I have been busy with school,it's midterms aga...	mjferg	12	585	May 13, 2015 by Debb
	should I just move? (Preview) We have drug dealers here, and burglarizing. The drug dealers have been trying to pressure us out for about 2 years now, by partying right outside our apartment. The mental distress of that is a lot. I tried crimestoppers, I tried just calling the police, none of it got me anywhere. So I tried starti...	zebrafish	5	725	May 12, 2015 by zebrafish
	Another blame question (Preview) Hi everyone - I am new here. Been separated from my alcoholic husband for 6 months now (this is the second time we've separated). He has been drinking for 4 months now. He is blaming me for it. Right after we separated the 2nd time, I was feeling very lonely and depressed and he was being lovely. I was reall...	Rosepetal	6	522	May 12, 2015 by KennyFenderjazz
	Do you assert control in other areas? (Preview) ive only been in al anon for 6 months, but i think at least a year before that I realized I could not assert control over my AH and a step kids drinking. I was desperate to control something and so focused on eating and fitness-- areas where I've often lacked self control. I've become quite militant in this...	Irish7	6	678	May 12, 2015 by Irish7
	Verbal abuse (Preview) How do you all deal with verbal abuse? My wife has been verbally abusive for as long as we've been married (almost 19 years) and it seemed to progress with the alcohol use. Sometimes when I bring it up she doesn't even know she's doing it. It even happens when she's sober. Example - she wakes up and finds ou...	Hillyard	26	1275	May 12, 2015 by ntd2001
	Another ?..... (Preview) Still pretty new at Alanon, 3rd f2f meeting today..... so I'm wondering this..... when I I don't hear from my A daughter it usually means she's drinking. Drinking for her means drink until you black out. I can't decide whether to call and check on her. Don't call - I worry; do call - get upset if she's drin...	worried Mom	4	435	May 12, 2015 by worried Mom
	When will I stop thinking "THIS TIME" he really gets it... (Preview) I'm just wondering if this kind of thinking is damaging or fair. Everytime an "episode" happens, I think "okay, this time he really gets how bad this is" or "this time, now that he knows the kids noticed, he will change" or "since he slept with her and that is dev...	butterfly88	13	662	May 12, 2015 by milkwood
	But he's so great when he's sober... (Preview) I understand when people make this statement and similar claims of how awesome their partner is followed by...."when he's sober." To me, I almost think this is a thinking trap that leads us to further disappointment. I know from when I was an active alcoholic and when engaged in a long te...	pinkchip	19	918	May 12, 2015 by sookie
	Hope for Today May 12 (Preview) Today's reading is a focus on Traditions One and Two. Tradition one being that the welfare of the group comes first, that personal progress depends upon unity, and two that the one authority is a loving God as expressed through a group conscience. I have not studied and worked on the traditions as I ha...	yanksfan51	4	498	May 12, 2015 by yanksfan51
	Bad thinking (Preview) Lately, I've been feeling kind of low. Lots of memories keep breaking in my mind, good and bad, and I'm having a hard time controlling them. I feel like I need to make big decisions but not sure about it.	Hillyard	15	623	May 12, 2015 by sookie
	The "poor me" feeling (Preview) Struggling lately. I am now divorced. The paperwork arrived in the mail a few weeks ago. It has been a long time coming. My ex-AH moved out over 4 years ago and I held on to hope for most of it that we would figure it out and make it work. But it just kept churning and cycling and I couldn't do it anymore. Now tha...	sookie	11	980	May 11, 2015 by glad
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The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.