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So I haven't had anything to drink at all since my husband went to 12 week outpatient. He has...one or two here and there and then three major "slips" (his word, not mine). I'm just wondering--do any of you drink? Sometimes I feel like having a glass of wine with friends or with dinner but I don't because of him. Just wondering what everyone else does. I'm not much of a drinker anyway (I never could have been anyway as someone always had to be the sober one with him....) but do every now and then.
When I lived with my A I found it didn't make any difference one way or the other. If I had alcohol he would say he drank because I did and if I didn't drink alcohol he would just find another reason to credit me with the blame for his drinking. I stopped buying any alcohol because I was sick of him drinking it all and after that, he would try to convince me to buy it so that he could drink with impunity. I found it just didn't matter. If he was genuinely trying to recover it might have been different but I found he just expected me to follow his cycles...if he was hungover and remorseful and not drinking for a few days then he expected me to be a teetotaller in support and if he was drinking he wanted me to drink and make him feel supported in his drinking, ugh. In the end I just refused to drink around him because I was sick of the whole situation, and also because I needed my wits about me when he was drunk.
What was super ridiculous was that the 2 times he has visited me in my new home he has brought alcohol and gotten drunk and been horrible and both times he has explained to me afterwards that "I don't drink anymore but I cant resist at your house because you drink". And I have looked at him dumbfounded and said "but I haven't had any alcohol in this house when you have been here, not a single drop" and he apologised and said "no, thats right, you didn't either" and then he said it again just recently...????? The point being it just doesn't make a shred of difference as far as I can tell. Whatever you feel comfortable and safe doing is what you should do, it won't make any real difference to what he does although he might use it as an excuse (and if not he'll just find another one anyway).
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
I do not drink at all. I used to drink socially, then when I moved in with AH, it seemed that he would have liked for me to drink on a daily basis like him, and I did for a while until I caught on and stopped completely about five years ago.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
My husband and I used to but when our adult A daughter who lives in another state became so out of control we decided no more alcohol. It hasn't made a difference with her but we feel better about it.
I do not drink around friends who have had past struggles with drinking. I also do not like to drink around my AH if I can help it. I used to be so nervous drinking around him that I would literally break out into hives. Now that I am practicing detachment successfully, I do not worry as much about drinking around him. But he is an A who is not on recovery and does not want to change.
I'm the odd man out here .. I do drink not like I did in my late teens or early twenties. I will have a glass of wine from time to time usually the rest gets dumped. I will have an adult beverage at a social event. I have gone out specifically to burn off steam with girlfriends. I do not feel like I have to. When I was with my xah I felt resentful that I couldn't keep a bottle of wine in the house. His issue is not mine. I will say I'm grateful for my time with the open AA group during my initial breakup with the X. I can say it would have been very easy to dull the pain with alcohol. After everything the kids have been through they don't need that too. They do need to understand what moderation looks like .. You can drink and not have police involvement .. I want to send them into the world educated about the cons of excess in anything. Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic .. Not every alcoholic gets they have an issue. When I was with my X it didn't matter if I drank or not .. He's an alcoholic he's going to drink to excess. Interestingly enough the kids don't have an issue with me drinking .. They will not be around him if they believe he's drinking.
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
A recovered alcoholic friend of mine says that I'm a "normy" they can have a couple of beers and stop. I didn't have it in the house when I was being supportive of my ex. I like the taste of beer, like the taste of several mixed drinks - I can have one and go home.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I can drink. I have it in the house. But I rarely do. The AH drinks water with an occasional ginger ale. I was not raised with booze and it does not signify a party or happy time to me. We cruise and I will have a glass of wine before dinner.... mostly because it is there. I often ask for a diet coke and get a funny look from the others.
I have a drink when out once in awhile. When my recovering abf was newly sober, he said he'd have no problem if I drank in front of him. I said I appreciated it but that alcohol just wasn't that important to me. That was the truth. So I didn't drink while I was out with him when he was newly sober. It worked out fine because alcohol was important to him. I have to say that even if I really liked alcohol, if it were just the two of us out and he was newly sober I would be supportive of his sobriety by not drinking in front of him. In early sobriety, he was really triggered especially by the smell of the types of booze he use to drink. Sometimes we'd end up getting up and leaving places.
He has some years of sobriety now and I've have had a drink or two in his company occassionally but I'm more inclined to drink in the company of my girlfriends and even then I can take it or leave it. I'm kinda the type who will take a sip or two, put the drink down and forget where I left it and not care. It really doesn't enhance the get together for me and I don't want the weight gain. I rather eat my calories. Given a choice, I prefer dessert to alcohol. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I don't drink. I use to have a glass of wine once in a while but watching what my husband has gone through, along with parents, it is not worth it to me.
I don't drink or use any mind and mood altering chemicals any more I went to college to learn about the chemical alcohol a also did a mental, emotional physical inventory on myself including when I was under he influence of alcohol I believe that anyone who us considering doing any of these life threatening chemicals should do th same. Just one of he very important things I found out was I am chemically ollerant which means that in order for me o arrive at the same point of intoxication as them I have o pretty much overdose. When I go in for surgery the surgeons need this information or chances are very good that I ill come out of he anesthesia before they are finished working on the problem which is a scary painful predicament Last surgery we talked about the condition and they took notes and put me out stat o finish. Just can't imagine coming to with hem digging around in my head. No Thanks!!! (((hugs)))
I choose not to drink. I can handle one or two but I like sweeter drinks and my body can't handle alcohol and sugar mixed. In addition I am sure my two ulcers were both caused by drinking. My husband used to get me to drink with him..... NOW I choose not to drink. We choose to make our home an alcohol free zone....
I do however have scrips for Vicodan and Tramadol for pain management and use marijuana with doctors permission (it's legal medically where I live) for pain and anxiety.
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-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
I do drink. A margarita while out with friends at a Mexican place or a glass of wine while on a date. I do keep wine around the house and will sometimes have a glass with dinner but that's only about once a week. When I lived with my AH though, I did not keep alcohol in the house and only drank a glass of wine or so when out with friends. I still limit myself to 1 no matter where I am or who I am with. I like being sane and sober and maybe it's a control thing, but I hate losing control through alcohol abuse. I did all of that in my college years and got it out of my system.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I do drink. Usually on the weekends, a few glasses of wine. Sometimes during the week, I may have a glass or two in the evenings, but that is rare. I have found that since my AH has progressed in his disease alcohol has become a bit more distasteful though.
I have also found, if I don't drink, he might drink or he might not drink. If I do drink, he might drink or me might not drink. I can't control it for sure!!
I also found that like above, if he is abstaining her prefers that I do as well, and I have no problem respecting that. If he is drinking and he isn't too far gone when I get home from work, he really wants me to drink along too, but I rarely oblige him.
It is a sticky mess and sometimes I dream of being with the normal husband who can share a glass of wine in the evenings with me, but not drink EVERYTHING in the house and then go for more. One is too many and a thousand is not enough. It gets tiresome...
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Bethany
"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be." Abe Lincoln
