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What do you "need' and how to get it ..
(Preview)
Something my daughter and I have been working on and it's bleeding over into other parts of my relationships is that issue of being able to identify "what I need and what I can give .. who do I go to knowing those needs will or won't be met". I'm learning how to just listen and wait for someone to ask a direct q...
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SerenityRUS
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3
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905
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5/24/17 ODAT – How Recovery Begins...
(Preview)
Today's page considers Steps 1 & 2: First, that I am powerless over alcohol, and my confusion surrounding this fact has led to an unmanageable life. Next, I came to believe there was help, a power greater than myself, and I needed this help because my own best efforts left me less than sane. Witho...
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Enigmatic
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5
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708
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Gratitude and assets
(Preview)
I'm shareing this with y'all today,my sponsor is away from a few days,miss her dearly she has also become my best Freind. im greatful for the birds singing outside my window ,for the beautiful days my hp has been blessing us with. assets...I'm strong,I'm reliable I'm compassionate and careing. have...
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lookingup
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7
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2175
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Oh, Ugh!
(Preview)
Sot working my tools hard this weekend. Yesterday I came home to my AH drunk. I did all my post-work stuff, and finally got a moment to put my feet up with a cool drink. When what do I hear, but my AH yelling from our bedroom. Now, we usually watch TV in different rooms b/c he is usually drinking (but hiding it...
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PosiesandPuppies
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8
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717
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Hope for Today May 24
(Preview)
Good morning Everyone- Today's reading speaks to how some of us have such difficulty in communicating as a result of living with the disease. The writer mentions growing up in a home where he/she eventually just kept quiet because there always seemed to be misunderstandings otherwuse. The gentl...
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yanksfan51
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4
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592
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Sometimes it's a choice sometimes it's habit ..
(Preview)
"I don't believe it's an accident that we choose the people we do based upon our dysfunctional comfort zone." Someone asked me to share that statement as it was part of a conversation we were having off the boards. Sometimes people are picked in my life .. my parents and immediate family and sometimes...
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SerenityRUS
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9
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610
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And just like that BAM-- I am ANGRY
(Preview)
Ugh! Had a perfectly decent day today. Following my sense of unease from two days ago, to realization that yes, my A is deep in the disease to today. We had a birthday part planned for our youngest son. I put expectations aside yesterday, knew we would have family over and despite the lashing out/anger I...
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pumkin26
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11
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709
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The 4 m's
(Preview)
Martyrdom, Mothering, managing and manipulation. Tick tick tick tick. Yep this was me. Fear driven because I was terrified of the drinking and chaos and crisis and thought I could prevent them if I tried hard enough was pretty enough was nice enough was cooking enough having sex with him enough. Ar...
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el-cee
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5
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881
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Awareness
(Preview)
I'm a grateful member of alanon, grateful to be more awake to life than I've ever been. The awareness especially keep coming for me. I assume this is a non stop process. Recently I've become more aware of the words in step 3 the idea we can make a decision and stick to it. God's will is the goodies like kin...
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el-cee
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2
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628
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Oh seriously wtf.
(Preview)
Spent some time with a very drunk A today. I made a judgement call...daughter was away for the night and he turned up all hot and sexy, demanding, "you've got 10 minutes. Get dressed up and we are going out". I did. Shoot me, it's been a while. It was fun, for a short while. Watching him shoot pool...he's so...
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MissM
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11
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776
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Powerlessness
(Preview)
I love searching the board for topics on issues I am working on at the moment. I came across a thread from 2010 that Jerry F. started on working powerlessness. He was looking for ESH concerning powerlessness for his Super Saturday meeting and asked people to tell how they worked their powerlessness be...
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Summerlady
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4
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760
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Loved ones
(Preview)
Hi everybody, as some of you might remember my brother that left to live homeless in tent city in Dallas Texas is now home, after a lot of trauma that happened to him in Texas,long story I won't get into. but you can just imagine the worst of worst scenarios of living a life like that, his choice due to alcoh...
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lookingup
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3
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518
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5-22-17 ODAT – What Works...
(Preview)
...keeping it simple. Today's reading focuses on the simplicity and effectiveness of AlAnon, as evident by the slogans: * Keep it Simple * Let Go, Let God * One Day at a Time * Easy Does It * Live and Let Live * First Things First Today's Reminder: Relax...often, doing nothing is doing more. "Slow motio...
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Enigmatic
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1
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550
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Humility
(Preview)
I have learned a lot about humility since my recovery from drugs/alcohol. I would not have came to Alanon if I did not believe that humility can help me to continue to grow. Alanon is based on the AA program and humility is a big part of it. I have not seen any recent post about it. I wanted to share this blog...
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shrnp
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2
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2418
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Boundaries - a really hard one
(Preview)
Dear all, I'm in something of a turmoil right now. A couple of days ago I left our apartment late at night, after a very ugly hour at home. To cut a long story short, he went into a rage, thrashing things, eventually ripping the blanket from me where I was trying to sleep in my bed, telling me he won't let me sl...
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Aline
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14
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645
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Not sure how I feel---
(Preview)
So I haven't posted in a while. I am working my program, my recovery, attending meetings, reaching out when those moments of anxiety hit. Things at home are calm. My A has been out of the house about 3 months. At first he struggled, then I struggled, and now we are in this place where it's starting to feel n...
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pumkin26
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9
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615
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New to the forum & alanon. Dealing with anger & mourning.
(Preview)
Quick summary: Started dating a sober man who was dealing with depression. Fell in love with him in part based on how honest he was about his battle with depression. We moved to another state together. He was prescribed a new medication by his new physician. My ex was very happy with this new medication...
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new
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6
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17677
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Hello everyone
(Preview)
I haven't been posting here,doing more reading than anything, i do use my tools. quiet often,with lots of success,thanks to alanon today is my freinds wedding day, i was suppose to be a brides maid ,just didn't work out ,she had to have me for 5 days to learn how to walk out and such, so I promised her I'd be...
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lookingup
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8
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589
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Son not speaking to A
(Preview)
A constant source of pain for me is that since my A offended my son and dtr-in-law on XMas eve, they have not seen her nor spoken to her. My son is also very angry at me for not leaving her. He does not understand Alanon and how I am detached with like/love, and how I will figure out my future in my time. I sug...
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Lyne
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2
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548
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Courage To Change 21/5- Posting for Betty.
(Preview)
The C2C reading for May 21 speaks about the seventh step in which we humbly ask HP to remove our shortcomings. This is indeed a powerful step and a deep reminder that we are unable to remove our own shortcomings. This step requires humility because we must acknowledge our dependence on a power greater t...
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MissM
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2
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544
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By the way, we are all insane!!!
(Preview)
My interpretation of the program and my own journey has led me to see that we all have similar symptoms having being effected by the disease of alcoholism. I think we could all agree on the fact that most diseases have a common set of symptoms, like if you look up eczema or diabetes or any disease there are...
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el-cee
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6
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1818
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Hope for Today, May 20th...
(Preview)
I very rarely start a thread here, but here goes... As we woke this morning there was a sheet of snow on the ground. In this part of the world winter is not too far away. Before long, as the sun rose I could hear excited cries of children. No Christmas presents- just a christmassy touch to the morning. Lat...
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DavidG
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5
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612
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We've got it backwards
(Preview)
Living with alcoholism means we are living with or have lived with a person who drinks or were effected themselves by a drinker but as far as I've learned the disease doesn't end there. Its within us, living with a drinker or not. So, we talk over and over about the drinker, desperately trying to underst...
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el-cee
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15
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779
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Preemptive advice
(Preview)
My Friday night is starting out like a lot do, no sign of my husband after work. That is no big deal, I really enjoy my time alone at this point and have moved on being caught up in his actions. This weekend is different because it's the long weekend and we have plans to head up to my family's cottage in the mor...
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VickiR
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12
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679
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Feeling so all alone and afraid of my future with AH
(Preview)
My AH is sleeping it off. I am all alone, shaking. Came home drunk. Lied and lied even though we have had counseling about trust and truth in a marriage. He has had sporadic drinking episodes, now it is escalating. He had been clean for many, many years at one time. There have been promises, asking...
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wifeofalcoholic
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4
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741
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My relationship of 16 years ended abruptly - need help to understand
(Preview)
my wife of 16 years went into AA last year after her father's death, she'd been drinking for 30 years. then restarted her count when she went off Ritalin two months ago. she'd been self-medicating on Ritalin for 15 years. She's highly functional, very accomplished we had an amazing relationship a...
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Bailey71
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11
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581
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Just Need to Let It Go
(Preview)
Just working through some feelings after attending my bf daughter's graduation yesterday. He was told in advance that she had plans for lunch with her mother and family and would be spending time afterwards with friends. It was an awkward situation when we met up with her after the graduation to take...
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tiredtonite
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11
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775
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My EXAH physically abused my son yesterday
(Preview)
I'm traveling this week for work. Putting in 14 hour days at our training center and I'm exhausted. My son has finished school as of Wednesday and he had been dealing with some anxiety about his future, etc. So, he was already not having a 100% week. My son texted me yesterday and told me "I'm really an...
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andromeda
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6
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698
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But it's been 5 days since I had a drink!
(Preview)
I am posting to not only vent, but mostly to show how Al-Anon has helped me today. So last night was a jazz night at a local eatery to raise money for my son's high school marching band program. I have been planing this for months, so my AH was well aware. In the past I would have underlying anxiety wonderin...
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PosiesandPuppies
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6
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600
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Any advice?
(Preview)
10 years ago I got divorced from an alcoholic. It was the best thing to happen to me even though after 13 years together, I it felt like my world was crumbling at the time. I went to a lot of counseling, did a lot of reading and received a lot of support from here. In fact, this board was one of the reasons I had...
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sunny123
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7
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690
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My XAH physically abused my son today....
(Preview)
So,I am in corporate training for work this week, putting in 14 hour days. My son texted me earlier to tell me that his dad was out of control. He said his father sat on him, pulled his t shirt and shoved him to the couch, and threw his phone across the room (among other things)......anyway, my heart brea...
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andromeda
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6
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669
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Anyone here know or who is with a "dry drunk"?
(Preview)
Hello, For those of you who have seen my previous posts, I am the one about to have a baby (2 days) and my ABF went through a horrible relapse (yelling, anger, verbal abuse, slamming things around). Well, now he is coming out of it and last night it was really bothering me because I feel like he thinks that...
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LoveNHope
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3
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1121
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Still trying to understand how working the Alanon steps helps your life with an alcoholic
(Preview)
I am still new to the Alanon thing, have gone to about 6 or so meetings. When people say "when I was working Alanon hard, and life got better/things improved/etc"... this is hard for me to understand. How do things improve when you have an alcoholic partner going through a rage/tantrum and you have a li...
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LoveNHope
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11
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866
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If nothing changed ..
(Preview)
First I want to preface this by stating if nothing changed except you can you see yourself in the relationship 5 days/weeks/months/years (obviously that turns from 5 to 20 in a flash). I also realize that some people do stay because the only thing that changed was them and that is not a negative in the l...
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SerenityRUS
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7
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654
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5/18 ODAT - My Will
(Preview)
I apologize for this being so tardy .. lol .. typical day where I realized I raced out of the house and left my book/s at home and thought about the fact as I was digging around in the trunk of my car fighting with the wind since I actually wore a dress. LOL .. oh the joys at times .. anyways .. better late than n...
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SerenityRUS
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1
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511
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5-17-17 ODAT - One Day/Moment at a Time
(Preview)
Today's page begins with a Chinese proverb, "When we talk of tomorrow, the gods laugh." I can live only one day at a time, one moment at a time. My mind, however, can get carried away with concerns of tomorrow even though the only certainty is that there is none. Worrying, planning, and analyzing the fu...
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Enigmatic
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9
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633
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Think H is an A - think I want out
(Preview)
I've suspected my husband has a drinking problem for several years now - but he always drank at night after I'd gone to bed and hid the amount. In the last few months he's started drinking earlier and even sometimes going out twice a night to the store. Was a six pack a night now I suspect twice that or mo...
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heyou
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11
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724
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Driving drunk
(Preview)
Hi all-It has taken me nearly 4 years in program to discover what my bottom line is for staying with my A. A few weeks ago my A came home barely able to walk, and slurring her words. Although this is now a rare occassion, that she could kill someone else, because of her addiction, is not OK with me. I asked...
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Lyne
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6
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651
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Peeling off my crazy-layers
(Preview)
Some of you here might remember I was away from my abf for a week or so. Well, I decided to come back - and I decided this because I finally understood what detaching means - first and foremost not to make other people the focus of my thoughts but rather me. After the brief separation from the A it became much...
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Aline
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5
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603
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Step 2 Question on question
(Preview)
In reading through the steps and the questions that go with them to ponder on i read this quote on step 2 "Recovery for me is focusing on my needs and wants and learning to voice those along with my feelings. I have read this a lot on this site and I understand that needing to focus on ones needs and wants an...
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Dinner
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5
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759
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Rehab again
(Preview)
My 30 year old single daughter has relapsed again and has entered rehab For the 4th time. She was sober for almost 3 years, but started drinking again when she started dating a guy who drinks moderately. She told him early on in the relationship that she was an alcoholic. Unfortunately he started exclu...
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helpless mom
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5
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638
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A nicer word for "BS"
(Preview)
Someone told me "say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean." I need some new words. In some future conversations I don't think "bullshit", as charming as that word may be, is going to be acceptable. What does everyone else use instead?
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WestMan
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11
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4978
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Feel like i'm going in circles
(Preview)
Hi everyone. I just had the most miserable weekend so I'm going to vent on here and ask for some advice. Sorry it's long and complain-y, I'm just so frustrated. My AH managed to come home two nights in a row last week, wow (haha), he did stay up and get hammered but whatever I was trying to be somewhat posit...
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VickiR
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10
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648
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Hope for Today May 16
(Preview)
Good morning Everyone: Today's reading is about letting go of our own will and being open to what our HP wants for us. Something that resonated with me was that the writer uses the word stubborn to describe him/herself. It makes a lot of sense and I truly believe that my Hp has a plan for me and gives me wh...
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yanksfan51
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6
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1831
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Invitation to lala land
(Preview)
Ah, growing up with recovery in my life is so beautiful. I've really come to accept alcoholism is a disease and it helps me so much to approach myself and my family. Still from an ocean apart mind you. I was recently given a precious taonga ( gift, treasure) by a recovery brother which helped me immensely...
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a4l
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5
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605
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Hoping for the Best
(Preview)
Some not great news from the vet today. My beautiful Chloe, who tested positive for Heartworm and allergies to her food (homemade allergy diet) last weekend, is also having issues with Kidney function. More tests tomorrow, and I am hoping for the best, but the tapes of losing my Akita Alex (who we jus...
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Skorpi
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11
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696
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Overwhelmed
(Preview)
I keep trying to just be friends with my A ex-bf. It has been sort of alright but he use to be very controlling. All my friends I met through him. I stopped seeing everyone because when we broke up I did not want any reminders of my ex-bf and our relationship. He was very emotionally abusive, probably more t...
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shrnp
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8
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676
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Dealing with Deep Loneliness from childhood as an ACOA Adult
(Preview)
Hi Everyone, I want to break my shame around this but i am in my 50s and separated approx 1.5 years ago and having SUCh a hard time separating from my ex who still wants to be with me. He will not go to counselling and had addictive behaviour and i just do NOT want to go back but I feel extremely lonely and all o...
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Charlotte22
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5
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658
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Trying something different ..
(Preview)
I have been trying something different in regards to my mom. Ironically I would consider her my qualifier even though she doesn't drink or at least like she used to and I totally get it. One thing I have been trying to really do is I do control the amount of time I engage with her and how I choose to engage....
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SerenityRUS
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2
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542
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First Time I let my Son go
(Preview)
Some one wrote to me about letting go the first time. Will was not very happy his first day of school but we made it through. The memories the good memories.
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Cathyinaz
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12
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792
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angry/frustrated
(Preview)
havnt seen XAH for 1 and 1/ yrs but cant help be reminded of him daily as finances/irs trouble connected to that relationship affects me daily. irs holding on to my disability i just got to approve deferment of irs payment. i just got the ssdi and now i cant pay my bills etc. i dont know wheter to cry/scream...
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YARNCRAZY
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4
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513
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5-15-17 ODAT – Nobody But God Knows...Don’t Try to be God
(Preview)
Today's page shares a member's comment about the hardest thing they had to do in recovery: stop trying to figure out why their qualifier acted in certain ways, or jump to conclusions about their motives. The comment is made that only God knows what goes on in the mind, so don't try to play God or psychiat...
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Enigmatic
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4
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554
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Morning on line meetings
(Preview)
Ii have recied inquiries regarding thr Morning on line alnon meetings. I have posted to the "chat/meeting room board and have not received a reply. Can someone confirm that the meetings are still being held?
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hotrod
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0
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449
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Forgiving Someone Doesn't Mean Having a Relationship with Them
(Preview)
Through a lot of work in counseling and alanon, I had come to forgive my alcoholic mother for abandoning me, but I took my forgiveness as I need to try to reach out to her again. I did this recently only to be hurt and disappointed again. She is getting older and her health is deteriorating. I figured I need...
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Kellygirl12
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6
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798
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Detaching and changing lanes.
(Preview)
To my MIP Family who I love so deeply. Allow me to detach from you and pay attention with my Higher Power to another issue which is currently weighing so heavily on my heart and spirit. It is an ancient concern for my culture which is presently much more heavy because of the behaviors of foreign leade...
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Jerry F
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21
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886
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Mother's Day 2017
(Preview)
I've discussed in the past this problem of not being valued, especially on occasions. Birthdays, Christmas, Mothers days passed and my child, partner etc gave me nothing and I felt angry and resentful as I cooked for them, cleaned after them and planned to spoil them on their next occasion. And I foug...
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MissM
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7
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633
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Happy Mothers Day
(Preview)
To those wonderful Mothers that have loved, nurtured and protected their children in the best way they new how, no regrets.......happy day to you. linsc
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LinSC
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5
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505
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Dealing with Constant Rejection
(Preview)
I have dealt with dealing with constant rejection from both my mother and father over the years. It has leaked out into me choosing unavailable men to have relationships with that never work out. I have been single the past seven years. I get lonely sometimes but it is better than being in a toxic unavai...
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Kellygirl12
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5
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1363
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ODAT READING 5-14-2017
(Preview)
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY The ODA T reading for May 14 speaks about Step One and the word "surrender". The reading suggests that the difference between the act of submission and that of surrender is that in submission we have reached the point where we" appear to accept" reality consciously...
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hotrod
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4
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754
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Blueprint For Progress Electronic
(Preview)
I have a physical copy of Blueprint For Progress workbook but am looking for an electronic version to print out sheets to work on. I prefer not to write in this book. Is there such a thing available? Thank you!
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DEF
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7
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615
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