Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Mcat54 · Veteran Member

I paid $1250 for every month I was married

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((MCAT)) It is a little unsettling and I do agree HP will provide for you and you will receive many Blessings going forward. Eventually you will see, know and feel that the divorce was worth while. Positive thoughts on the way.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs Mcat,

Sometimes it's just better to be done .. I had to snort when I read your title .. I'm sure that's how my XAH feels about me.

HP is good and it always seems to workout for the best.

Hugs S :)

*******************************

Added thoughts .. It took me 3 years to get divorced and a whole LOT of drama as well as trauma. It's been another 2 years of push and pull and honestly I don't care to hear the wife whine about how they have no money .. they make 3x the amount I do. They are not investing into the kids that's my job .. it is hard not to feel resentful that he owes me 20k at the moment and it just goes up from there. So I can imagine the frustration that you feel in regards to being the present parent .. I figure that is up to me .. I also look at the flip side and that is my kids see what I do, what we have been through and know I always try to do my best for them both. Some days are easier than others .. it works out somehow.

You are so fortunate to have the funds you do in the bank because money can be replaced .. it really can .. it is time that can't and my divorce was emotionally, financially, physically, mentally expensive. The time that you have with your kiddo .. priceless .. don't loose sight of that part of the deal. PLUS you have the added bonus of an expensive lesson learned.

Moving forward I can't imagine myself ever getting married again and with good reason .. I do not want my money tied up with another person again. Going forward I will put my needs first and allow the other person to worry about themselves .. while we can have joint ventures .. the reality is I will fill my cup first. I also believe in post nups .. LOL .. prenups are great however it doesn't outline expectations and so on of what you know after the fact.

Letting go of the resentment is not easy it is worth it .. some days are easier than others and I have to do it on a daily basis.

Hugs :)

-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Thursday 11th of May 2017 09:07:14 AM

Bo · ~*Service Worker*~

Mcat54 wrote:
I'm happy I got divorced but still mad about the money I had to give my ex. I lived in small places and drove old cars to save for retirement as a single mom and put my daughter through college. He got the house and $100k from my IRA. I get to be divorced. In the long run I know I'll be fine financially, and that money will not really get him far. He's almost 70 and now has about $150k in retirement funds. I'm not going to spend too much time thinking about how he will spend it. I keep telling myself to let go, that I couldn't use it for 15 years or more anyway, etc etc. but it still rankles. Expensive lesson, I guess. I know I am blessed beyond measure, and I look forward to what HP has in store for me. I can't and won't talk about this with friends. I'm grateful to have this forum to vent.

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it. Everyone laughs as it appears to be a joke. However, for many it is not. It is a fact, a reality, and because of that you can embrace it and be grateful. As far as letting go -- there is a difference between acceptance, surrender, and letting go vs. talking about letting go, talking about what you won't do, say, talk about, etc.

You are blessed. Be grateful. Enjoy.

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Mcat))) - sending you peaceful thoughts and prayers for a joyful day. I have come to believe/accept that no amount of $$ gives me the priceless gift of serenity - it's an inside job. I will gladly do with less to have my peace of mind/heart today. Agree also that God will provide - after all, he wants us to be happy, joyous and free! (((Hugs)))

YARNCRAZY · Senior Member

the government seemed to be an enemy to me when i divorced my XAH. I had to have him sign off on MY pension . the irs assessed me huge taxes on it i had to fight to get a deferal on. i had huge debt from 25 yrs of rescuing X from various troubles. then after a year of having left, i was still jobless and ran out of unemployment,landlord raised rent, i had no savings the got permanently disabled and got ssdi. yesterday the state irs took all my money and froze it because i owed them taxes too[which i was waiting for a deferal] ACKKKKK. this with divorce expenses,moving expenses 2x ..grrrrrrr. my dream if i ever win the lottery is to build a facility for women/kids leaving alcholic spouses to live . it would have very reasonable rent,supportive services on sight and alanon meetings onsite etc

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((Alyce)) Great plan aww

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Oh...................that sounds lovely Alyce - hoping you win the lottery sweetie!!! (((Hugs)))

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene