The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted the other day that I once again declined my ABF hopes that I would move in with him (its been 5yrs but he has only been in AA for 7 months and not completely sober those 7 months) I know I made the right call, but it still sucks. It is hard living in separate homes and financially we would be way better off. So I think I am just a bit depressed in ways that this is just how it is when dealing with a alcoholic.. even one who is sorry and in recovery. He looks so sad and I know he is angry with himself, and although he says he understands, I know inside it bothers him. So I feel like I can't be "me" around him, acting all happy and hyper ( my personality lol) because I feel like.. I don't know.. I am acting happy when he is so down? Can anyone relate? Or know why I may feel this way? I am clueless
Feel better when your away physically? My suggestion would be to keep detaching with love. You are not responsible for his feelings, even though it feels that way. Stay in today and enjoy it!
Food for thought... my qualifier is my husband. The first go'round with addiction (meth) my husband not only constantly stole money from me and my son, but cleaned out our savings. The last 6 years we've been living paycheck to paycheck. That really sucks.
The second round (alcohol), he doesn't have access to the accounts (one thing I learned from Al-Anon the first time), but has begun stealing from myself and lately my son. Just because you are married doesn't mean you will be better off .financially... especially when an addict/alcoholic is involved
__________________
"The wolf that thrives, is the one you feed." - Cherokee legend
"Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields... Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness." Mary Oliver
Aerin,
He is not sad because of financial reasons? My ex-A was constantly mad at me because he did not have money. He thought we could live together and he would have more money even though he was drinking. It was all my fault. We had lived together and he almost made me lose my home because of the fighting when he drank. Maybe you could speak about a reasonable amount of true sobriety that you would consider moving in since you have a child.
Dumb question from the new guy and sorry if it's out of line. But if he's not someone you are going to be able to move forward with in your relationship do you really want the relationship? You've been patient and given it plenty of time.
I may be projecting a bit as I find myself constantly asking how long I'm going to give this.
WestMan: I don't think anyone is out of line.. lol I love honest questions and responses. :)
Truth is I am not sure why I stay other than not wanting to hurt him. I was married for 15 years (my ex and I met at 19) and one day I left my husband because I thought the grass was greener. I spent a few years just sort of running around with different people and then I met my current BF 5 yrs ago. Because I hurt my husband so much.. he has not moved on. I literally lost all his family and some of mine due to my choice. plus my daughter was hurt. she was just 7. So I had promised myself I wouldn't hurt anyone else by leaving them. Crazy I know. I think I am stuck in a 19yr old mind. I never learned about anything really. So I am afraid if I leave I will be alone and the thought of meeting new man scares me. I feel like every man has alcohol issues! I feel they all lie (like alcoholics) Not sure what a healthy relationship is. And of course think he will end up completely sober after I leave and be with new person! Uggg how immature of me, but these are my thoughts.
and he looks so sad when I say I am not sure anymore. He promises he is working so hard and that I should look on good parts (like fact that he has more sober days than non sober)
