The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's page takes a thought provoking look at the personal story told in AlAnon, as the writer asks: 'Is it our own?'
In AlAnon, there is no spokesperson who gives an official narrative that covers all experiences. It is as each, unique member shares their own experience, strength, and hope that other members are encouraged and consider other ways to apply program principles.
Recognizing this, in meeting shares, the author avoids speaking for other members by saying things like "we do this" or "this is a problem for us". Instead, they keep the focus on their own journey, the only one of which they are fully qualified to speak.
Today's Reminder: Today I will speak for myself, supported by a fellowship of others who understand our challenges.
"Our recovery is reflected in our ability to tell our own story - not that of an alcoholic or another AlAnon or AlAteen member." - Why Anonymity in AlAnon
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I really appreciated this page and recognize that I can use some work in this area as recall when I have 'spoken for the group' as it were. Sometimes the 'we' is warranted as the fellowship does share many things in common. It is the uniqueness of each member, situation, and story, however, that reminds me that I can only speak of my experience, and is partly why suggests trying not to offer advice to others.
I thought it notable that the quote suggested that not telling anyone else's story includes the alcoholic. This aligns with the AlAnon suggestion that I focus and speak, not about alcoholic, but of my own journey of recovery. Keeping the focus on myself keeps my looking to what I can control, keeps me farther from insanity and closer to serenity.
Grateful for the continued guidance of the program
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hi Paul Great page and reminder . I so love alanon principles!!! This one and others do appear to so understand my "disease" and speaks directly to my destructive negative "learned" reactions and responses.
In working my inventory and examining my motives, I discovered that it was difficult for me to use the word"I" in describing a situation or activity because I did not want to be attacked or judged for what i said . If I said "We" it sounded as if I ws supported by others .
Alanon's principle of simply sharing our ESH changed this!! Of coarse the "no cross talk requirements" at meetings helped greatly I can now say "I" and feel comfortable revealing myself and allowing others to "See" me. My self esteem and self worth have been restored.
Thank you alanon and Thank you Paul for your service
Thanks Paul for your service and the daily. Thanks to both of you for your ESH. This page gives me a chuckle, as in business, I often used 'we' statements to lend credibility for team efforts. Changing this up to I statements in recovery was challenging for me - yet so profound. I've learned that I don't even say WE regarding my husband and I - simply because we are at different places in our journey and not always aligned - especially as it comes to this disease and it's affects.
What I do know is it's wrong of me and unfair to assume I know more than others or my experience is the gospel of all experiences. It is through Al-Anon principles that I've learned we each are equal in all ways and no matter what I'm in recovery to learn/grow. It is through the words of my boys that I had to figure out how to tell my story without telling their story and it's made me even better at focusing on me/my feelings/my recovery.
We all know that when the disease is active, there is a possibility each day to be directly affected by the insanity of others. I've been more diligent with recovery lately as all 3 of mine went active at the same time. I'm grateful today to report 1 in back in recovery. The ability to focus on me, my words, my choices, my powerlessness and my higher power are what carry me often during these difficult spells. I readily admit I am sad, yet I am not completely broken down.
I too am grateful for Al-Anon and MIP and all my recovery friends. (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you both, Betty and IAH for sharing your ESH on this...This is a page that I recall reading once before, but have not come across since; likely the full year. As you both expressed, when I dug down I uncovered some interesting (sometimes surprising) motivations behind my words.
I, too, found situations where I used 'we' to soften, downplay my role. As I went through the reading again, however, I also saw where my pronoun choice suggested I was speaking for someone else...I had not thought about it quite like that before, and am grateful for the insight. The thought process and awareness really helps me be more aware of keeping the my story and focus on my journey, not someone else's.
Regarding speaking for the qualifiers, for me it is a good reminder that, while there are certainly shared characteristics of the disease: progressive, cunning, deadly, it is unfair, unloving, and inaccurate to ascribe every negative we see or experience to 'all alcoholics'. There are many unpleasant characteristics to be seen and experienced from those who do not have the disease.
Always something to think about and opportunities to develop! IAH, good to hear that you are +1, and even more that your program, personal work and awareness is keeping you intact despite intense pressure. Hope you found good shelter today along with your fellowship, 'twas a stormy one
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Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hey Paul - it was stormy for sure....two downpours on the way to the meeting and than the one with the wild wind around dinner time - geez! I have 2 little people fighting the sleep process spending the night - hoping they fall asleep before more storms come!!
Hope you stayed dry and safe too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
